Monday, February 21, 2005

What's next? Locusts?

The last month at my house, a terrifying short list:

* Elizabeth gets two teeth, horrible teething fits precede appearance,
* Water invades my bathroom from places unknown, cause still unknown at press time. Early suspicions rest on leaky hose spigot occupying outside wall. Puddles still accumulating, all bath towels expended on cleanup efforts,
* Elizabeth gets the common cold: runny nose, general crankiness ensue,
* Cold takes a turn for the worst, fever sends Elizabeth to the emergency room, where she is diagnosed as having a cold and sent home. Nervous mother frets,
* Water invades my car through what is eventually diagnosed as a leaky windshield, a result of the Great Cow Accident of 2003. Glass repair shop skeptical about windshield's propensity to leak as 2 inch deep puddles fill the car. Repair scheduled,
* Car maintenance light comes on, subsequent evaluation reveals a leaky gasket. The non-life threatening repair will cost $250. Repairs on hold due to lack of funding. Waiting for winning lottery ticket to finally come through. Gas mileage plummets,
* Windshield repair man "patches" leak with what looks like clear caulking. Water defeats caulking, puddles resume,
* Elizabeth's cold subsides and turns into explosive diarrhea. During 48 hours of sheer unabating hell, I get maybe 8 hours sleep,
* Diarrhea subsides. Elizabeth has 12 hours of symptom free living before PINK EYE takes its turn on the poor lass. Eye drops prescribed, one in each eye, five times a day for five days,
*Car windshield scheduled for total replacement, free of charge. Glass guy still giving attitude about leaky windshield. Glass guy refuses to accept the explanation that the absence of torrential rains last winter and the record shattering precipitation this year MAY have something to do with the late appearance of leaking windshield and Lake Mazda. Glass guy scheduled for beat down.
*Total and complete exhaustion setting in, must stop typing................................


eva said...

Lesson learned: Never have children, bad plumbers, leaky windshields or other hardships. Explosive diarrhea? That translates into one simple phrase: Birth control. I don't know how you do it.

Jessey said...

Yeah, hardships suck.

Jessey said...

Update on my personal hell!

Pinkeye is going away!!
Bathroom flood, resolved!
Windshield, replaced!

Ahhhhhh breathe in and out!