Friday, November 06, 2009

The Worst Thing I Have Ever Seen

Do you have any idea how difficult it is to clean dog shit off of mini blinds?

Let me back up.

This morning, unbeknownst to me, the dog took a crap in the house.
Also unbeknownst to me, the baby found said crap before anyone else did.
Benny apparently thought that the crap was a stinking pile of modeling clay or perhaps food since he smeared it all over his face, clothes, hands and feet and possibly ate some then proceeded to fingerpaint with it all over the room in which it was found.

I became aware of this activity after I smelled the lovely aroma of dog crap coming off of my child and saw that he was covered in said crap.

I thought that was bad enough. Then I found the crime scene.
Shredded piles of dog crap everywhere. Dog poo smeared on the wood floor, and in the cracks in between the boards.
Dog poo on the chairs, on the piano bench AND keys. Dog poo on the windows and on the aforementioned mini blinds.

First step was to clean the baby. I had Bob secure the crime scene to ensure no further contamination.
I put the baby in the tub and scrubbed the shit off of him. I even scrubbed inside his mouth, just in case.

As I handed the sparkly clean little shit disturber off to his dad he said... "Why did you let him do that?"

"Oh yeah! I LET him do that! I fucking watched him, I thought it was HILARIOUS! Shut up!" I said.

Bob dressed the baby, and I got down to business with the shit.

There I was on my hands and knees, spraying wood floor cleaner on poo smears and using almost a whole roll of paper towels to wipe it all up. I had a toothpick to clean the poo out of the grooves between the boards.

Cleaning poo off of a piano makes a really lovely song.

Then it was time for the mini blinds. Let me just tell you that scrubbing dried up dog poo off of mini blinds is not the MOST fun I've ever had.
The whole mini blind scrubbing procedure took about 45 minutes. I started with paper towels and spray cleaner and eventually moved up to Lysol wipes. Just when you think you've got it all cleaned, you flip over another blind and find MORE poo. It's a real treat.

I filled a whole grocery bag full of paper towels and Lysol wipes.

Then I took a freaking shower, because seriously I was elbow deep in poo for like an hour.

Literally, the worst thing I have ever seen.


Kenna said...

Oh my goodness! I would have thrown up! Sorry that truly is the worst thing ever!!! :(

Melissa said...

I know this is sooooo after the fact, but next time you clean the blinds, take them off and hose them down in the yard/bathtub. You didn't mention gagging. Did you actually make it through this whole thing without barfing? I am so impressed. I hope you took pictures to use as future blackmail. ;)

Jessica said...

Ew Melissa! Pictures? You are sick. That baby is warping your mind.

I so would have taken them down but they are ENORMOUS 8 feet long.

And no I did not barf or even gag. I am tough. I have children.

Anonymous said...

Don't you have like a rather small dog? How much poop could there have been. I think you are pulling a David. "Julia used to cry 24/7." Seriously.

Jessica said...

He's a beagle so it was a beagle's amount of poop. But the way which Benny was able to spread it around was really epic.