No Good Deed...

This morning Benny pointed out an errant Globe grape that had rolled onto the kitchen floor. "Mom! A blueberry!" "Well, pick it up and throw it away Ben," I said. "No, mom, you pick it up." "Ben, come on, pick it up and throw it away," I said. "But mom...you LOVE picking stuff up," he said. "Actually, no I don't. Pick it up or go to timeout." "Fiiiiiine!"

The Amazing Wonderful Weird World

Twenty Dozen has so far been pretty incredible! The kids are all doing amazingly well despite the radical life changes. I think the security they feel here in Simi helps. Also the fact that they know I am here, I am always going to be here and nothing will ever change that. Even if they WANT me to go away, I won't. I am SO looking forward to this summer, when hopefully we'll get Ben out of pull-ups and totally ready for preschool. Which of course means I can get a part-time job!! This is both great news and totally terrifying news. After five years out of the workforce, am I still relevant? Not sure. What would I even do? COMPLETELY not sure. I've also been lucky enough to find a wonderful guy who treats me right, a very welcome change indeed. This has given me a chance to work on my patience and serenity while we work out the logistical kinks; I live in CA, he in OH. Just another opportunity for personal growth, which of course I definitely need.

Good Riddance 2011

After a year filled with such drama and upheaval, almost literally from start to finish, I am SO BEYOND GLAD to be still sane enough to appreciate the fresh start that comes with The New Year!

Twenty Dozen is MY fresh start. It's goodbye to the old me and hello New Me. It's goodbye to the old pain and resentments. Goodbye to the old heartache. Goodbye to toxic people. Goodbye to holding grudges past their usefulness, to hating instead of pitying, to crying over good (if painful) choices.

I am emerging. FINALLY. If all this strife was prelude to something amazing, and it just has to be, then frankly it was all worth it.

Still, good riddance 2011.

Epic Embarrassment!

There is no good lead in for this story so I'll just throw it out there.
Ben peed on the floor of Walmart.

All over the floor.
Right through his pants.

He just let it rip.

I had to change him in the bra aisle using a diaper I had in my purse and a $3.88 pair of sweatpants I grabbed from the kid's department.

His own pants got thrown in the garbage.

Don't worry, I paid for the sweatpants.

Can't She Be Both?

Ben really enjoys going to the daycare at the gym. His insistence on going every day is what I honestly think gets me to the gym on most days.

Now I think I know WHY he loves it so much.

As we were leaving the gym today, Ben was telling me about the gal who works there in the kids club.

Ben: "Brittany is a girl. She is a girl."

Me: "Yes, she is a girl. Is she a funny girl?"

Ben: "No. She's not a funny girl....she's a pretty girl."

Me: "Yes, she is pretty."

Ben: "Yesssss."

Here Comes the Sun

I overheard my kids talking at 7 am...

"I wish we could pause the sunrise"



I wish I could pause it all.

She is SEVEN!

On the way to school today:

E: Mom, I have hairy legs.

Me: So, hairy legs keep you warm. Like Sasquatch.

E: No!

Me: Yeah. Just like Sasquatch.

E: No! Sasquatch has long hair everywhere. Like long-sleeved hair. I just have little tiny hairs.

Me: Oh! Good! Then don't worry about it.

(Long pause during which I think the subject is dropped)

E: I wanna shave my legs.

Me: Are you crazy??!?! No way!! You are SEVEN!

Attention Kidnappers, These Moms are Onto Your Tricks!

I just saw the funniest thing ever. Well, it didn't start out funny but it sure as hell ended up funny. For me at least.
Let me back up.

I went to pick up Liz and our neighbor from school. We have to wait like 10 minutes for the neighbor girl's school to let out so we wait at the park.

As I sit down in the grass this woman approaches me and asks if I have seen a little girl with curly blonde hair. I say "I JUST sat down, I didn't see her"

She walks off still talking to me, presumably, "There are two little girls and we can't find them..."

I am thinking, this is Simi and this is a small park, where the hell could they have gotten to?? They had like three moms engaged in the search so I didn't get up and join, I don't even know what these two missing girls look like so what help would I be, just hauling over random girls...Is it this one? This one? This one? I'd probably end up arrested!

Anyway, I digress...

The search party is wandering around, calling out these girls names for about five minutes. Fruitless.

Then these two little girls, one with curly blonde hair, come running out from underneath the playground equipment where they were sitting and happily playing the whole time.

The mom of the girls immediately starts yelling at them "Didn't you hear me calling you?" The girl, guilelessly says "No I didn't."

"Well you need to be listening for me when I am calling you and I didn't know where you were and you need to stay where I can see you...." blah blah blah...

I start laughing. Why was the mom yelling at her kids for playing on the playground? She should have been yelling at herself for being a dumb, blind bitch who didn't see her own kids 10 feet in front of her face!

The "crisis" averted, another kind mom reminds the once "missing" girls that they have to "Play where we can see you from now on!"

Oh, you mean like RIGHT ON THE PLAYGROUND IN FRONT OF YOUR FACE?? Would that be an appropriate place to play? Whaddya think mom?

Those poor kids.

The best part was after the dust settled and the kids were properly admonished for being "missing" the moms sat down and started exchanging tips on what to do when the kids DO end up abducted, as surely they soon will be abducted...seeing as they had this very close call today.

My favorite tip was to remember what shoes your kids were wearing when they were abducted because "the kidnappers will cut their hair and change their clothes but they never remember to change their shoes."

Good tip.
I will have to remember that one.