Saturday, September 17, 2005

Celebrity Break Up (Make-up) News!


Seriously, who would have thought that Charlie Sheen would be the one to make it work?
Apparently Sheen and estranged wife Denise Richards are reconciling after she birthed two of his children in less than two years - the latest AFTER she filed for divorce.
Good for Charlie! He said that in the months since Denise filed for divorce he has found the source of their marital problems.
"I think the one thing I would point to as a primary reason, basically, is that I was a gigantic ass," he said, adding, "It's the first time I got dumped in my life."
I wish them luck!

In other news:
Shocker! Renee "Shar Pei" Zellweger and Kenny "Near Midget" Chesney's four month marathon marriage has hit the rocks - hard.
Zellweger filed for an annulment citing fraud as the reason for dissolving the marriage into the ether of all time. Internet chat rooms immediately lept to the conclusion that not only do the ladies think Chesney's tractor is sexy, but that the GUYS are similarly inclined.
Zellweger later released a statement saying that the use of the term fraud was "simply legal language and not a reflection of Kenny's character."
Those laughs you hear are from the peanut gallery.

Shocker Part 2! Tori Spelling, and her gaping cleavage, have yet to contain a man! Spelling is splitting from her hubby of one year Charlie Shanian. She's not claiming fraud though, yet.
Echoes of Donna Martin - Spelling said shortly after their pairing that she knew Shanian was "the one" for her because "he waited for me." Maybe she didn't catch on quite as quickly as Donna did. We'll have to ask Brian-Austin Green (David Silver), Nick Savalas and Vincent Young aka 90210's Noah Hunter aka the most wooden man since Pinocchio.

Other recently announced celeb break-ups:
Jenny McCarthy and John Asher (John who? Exactly. Irreconcilable differences)
Eddie Murphy and wife Nicole (irreconcilable differences)
Jude Law and Sienna Miller (called off engagement because he porked the nanny)
Shannon Elizabeth and her monkey husband Joe Reitman (irreconcilable levels of hotness, I mean, differences)
Country singer Mindy McCready splits from jail...poor girl, not even 30 and already a junkie.
Chelsea Clinton and mop-head boyfriend Ian Kraus (splitsville!)
I also hear that Weezer might be splitting up, Say it Ain't So!
And of course, the soon to be official Brad vs Jen divorce extravaganza! (Damn that Jolie!)

3 comments:

Jessey said...

UPDATE!
Tori CHEATED on her hubby with married thespian Dean McDermott, best known for, uh, ehhh, well, hmmm, oh.
I guess best known for porking Tori Spelling though his resume is rife with TV movies, many of which are of the Title: Enticing SubTitle variety, witness these gems...
Rough Air: Danger on Flight 534
Hysteria: The Def Leppard Story
Loves Music, Loves to Dance ... aka Mary Higgins Clark's 'Loves Music, Loves to Dance'
Spenser: Small Vices ... aka Robert B. Parker's Small Vices
Jack Reed: Death and Vengeance
Joe Torre: Curveballs Along the Way
Ed McBain's 87th Precinct: Ice
The Forget-Me-Not Murders ... aka Janek: Forget-Me-Not Murders
"Wild C.A.T.S: Covert Action Teams"
The Understudy: Graveyard Shift II (1988)

McDermott also played Young Destiny in "Sodbusters" Ooh, sounds good!

Jessey said...

UPDATE AGAIN!
Mindy McCready has also split from sanity, having attempted suicide via antidepressant because she fought with her boyfriend. Oh, and she's knocked up.
Niiiiiice.

Jessey said...

Yet another UPDATE!
I don't watch One Tree Hill, but apparently the guy who screwed over Jen on Dawson's Creek and his recent bride are splitting after just five months
...it makes MY marriage look like a smashing success in comparison, and we're just over the two year mark...it's like 50 years in Hollywood.