Holiday Shopping is a Literal Pain

Yesterday I went to WalMart Supercenter to purchase my husband's Christmas present.
The whole time I am walking around the store, I am in pain. Every step with my left leg is shooting knives into my (sorry delicate readers) groin.
I hobble up to the checkout line, purchase my items, and hobble back out to my car. Somehow I got Elizabeth strapped into her carseat, got myself in the car along with my purchases. I accomplished this by frantically gripping the doors of my car and using it as a giant crutch.
I stepped down on the clutch and a shot of knifey pain led me to think, hmm, I can't drive.
So I called my doctor's office. I was actually one block away from the office at this time so when the front desk gal told me that someone would have to call me back, I gritted my teeth and drove over there. Painfully unloaded myself and child, limped into the lobby and sat crying waiting for help.
The medical assistant then sent me over to the hospital to get an ultrasound on my leg, as she feared I may have a blood clot.
I called for reinforcements. My sister in law came to the doctors office, picked us up and transported us to the hospital where I got my first wheelchair ride!
The ultrasound was negative, so I was sent BACK to the docs office, this time chauffered by my hubby, who managed to get out of work to be with me.
The doc told me it was probably just the baby pressing down on a nerve in my (sorry again delicate readers) groin and causing all the pain.
Hmm, not reassuring.
I am still hobbling around, knifey pain persisting. It's hard chasing around a toddler determined to poo on the floor with a bowie knife in your cooch. (So sorry delicate readers).
I told my husband that I am never having another baby. Ever.
Apparently this experience is making me so unpleasant he readily agreed, no questions asked.
These next 41 days will be the slowest of all my life.