Friday, May 19, 2006

I Don't Understand Men

I woke up this morning around 6:30. The baby was already awake and babbling in his bassinette, Elizabeth was already on the first showing of Shrek.
I wearily stumbled out of bed and headed into the kitchen to start the coffee, the important, important coffee.
My husband was in there throwing together a lunch for himself.

"You're awake? Go back to bed!!" he said.

"I'm already awake, what the hell. Don't tell me what to do," I said.

"Man, you've been awake two seconds and you already screwed up my whole day!" he said, throwing food into his lunchbox and slamming cabinets.

Did I miss something?

21 comments:

Amy said...

Maybe he was going to hide some porn in his lunch to bring to work? Or an entire box of ho-ho's and you caught him? Or maybe he was planning on bringing you breakfast in bed after he packed his lunch.

Or he's just a weirdo guy.

Jessey said...

Porn is unlikely. I believe he hides that in his truck.
Box o' ho-hos, very likely...though, he does that all the time...
Breakfast in bed, HIGHLY UNlikely.

He's probably just a weirdo.

I just didn't understand why he got all janky mad at me. I mean, he turned off his cell phone after I tried to call him to ask, "what the hell?" He TURNED IT OFF! What the hell?

cube said...

Women cycle hormonally every month, while men cycle hormonally every 20 mintues. You caught him during that time of the hour ;-)

Jessey said...

Amen Cube. I often tell him it's his time of the month, which just makes him snarkier.

I swear, he's got a script for the day in his mind, and when I "improvise" he freaks out. It's not pretty or pleasant.

Chris said...

Now, now ladies...

If I had to guess, it is one of the two following:

1. He was already mad about something unrelated to you and he decided (wrongly) to take it out on you. Wrong place, wrong time.

2. You (unknowingly) caught him doing something that he knows is wrong and he was embarassed, again (wrongly) taking it out on you.

Obviously without more context, I couldn't say for sure. Just my guess.

Amy said...

If you want I can come clean out the truck for you. I am good at finding and obliterating porn. My hubby won't even try to sneak any back inside b/c he knows I'll find it. Too bad for him that 1) his wife is smarter/sneakier than him and 2) he knows it!

Chris said...

Amy: You and your anti-porn crusade crack me up.

Anonymous said...

I totally agree with Chris. He must have had a bug up his ass over something that happened way, way before you entered the picture.

LOL about the "script for the day."
-Ali

Jessey said...

well, I found his phone in my car so he didn't turn it off in a hissy fit, he just didn't have it.

Very peculiar man, my husband.
I'm sure he'll come home all apologetic, it's just his way.

Amy said...

Yes, Chris, I'm sure I have all the men in the world feeling sorry for my husband.

Jessey said...

Amy: I'm fully anti-porn as well. The house is porn free, if I find it I destroy it. But in this long war against porn, I've had to cede some territory, most notably, my husband's truck.

He's done a good job of defending it too. He keeps it very dirty and smelly and full of trash. It's very unappealing. At least I know he's not picking up girls in that thing. No woman would sit in that filthy, smelly truck.

Amy said...

The only thing I cede is bachelor parties, and even then the last one was almost 5 years ago and I cry so much that he at least feels very very bad - probably not bad about seeing naked ladies, but bad that he's enjoying seeing naked ladies and I'm at home crying, which is still something.

Jessey said...

You are terribly funny.

My sister in law, well, one of them, is very much like that.
At my husband's bachelor party, which was very extremely tame, his brother stayed out in the PARKING LOT because he was afraid that his wife would find out he saw a topless girl and freak.

Amy said...

My husband is very good at sounding like he's sorry. "Honey, I have to throw it, I'm the best man. And he's a perv, otherwise I wouldn't be hiring these two lesbian pseudo hookers. Frankly I don't want to see it."

At one bachelor party, apparently the naked girls were dancing and gyrating very close to the faces of the bridal couple's fathers. He did admit that was a bit too much.

Bern said...

Jessey, maybe he won't even remember what he was mad about when he comes home in the evening.
Most men have short term memory.

Chris said...

Yes, Chris, I'm sure I have all the men in the world feeling sorry for my husband.

A sizeable portion, anyway. ;-)

Chris said...

OK, I have a question about the crying...

So, the very thought of your husband seeing some other chick nude sets you off? So, if a movie has nudity in it (R-rated kind) do you forbid that too?

I'm curious where is the line? Is it OK for him to see someone in a bikini? Is it just a environment thing? He can't see them in a strip club or magazine?

Amy said...

The crux of the problem is - he would not guarantee that if his friends tried to buy him a lap dance he would say no. Watching them is one thing. I don't like but . . . not promising that you won't let them come shake their boobies an inch from your face and gyrate even closer to your manly parts. . .that is not okay. So really he brought it upon himself.

Chris said...

OK, I'll explain from a guy's perspective...

You wanted him to swear he wouldn't get a lap dance and he wouldn't do so. He was being honest with you. You, in turn, threw that honesty in his face and essentially told him that you didn't trust him and that him being honest doesn't mean anything to you.

In the future, does he continue to be honest with you or see that it does no good and just tell you what you want to hear?

If you really want to make sure he doesn't go overboard, try honey instead of vinegar - tell him that you trust him not to do anything overboard and to have fun. Instead of being angry or resentful and fighting you, he'll keep you more in mind and that, in the long run, will go a long way towards making sure he doesn't do something you don't care for at the strip club.

Just my 2 cents.

Amy said...

That's not how I see it and I don't think how he sees it either. As I don't stop him from going to the bachelor parties. He never tells me what happens (except for the dad's getting nasty with the hooker) because I don't want to know. I trust that he wouldn't make out with a stripper or sleep with one. I just was not if he drew the line at lap dances because I did.

Jessey said...

This has become QUITE the interesting discussion.
I myself am opposed to lap dances. I have no idea what went on at my husband's bachelor party, and I really don't want to know. I trust that he kept his private areas private, and that's good enough for me.