Wednesday, December 19, 2007

WHAT THE HELL!?!?!?!?

Jamie Lynn Spears says she's pregnant

Holy Mary, Mother of God.
Seriously.
SERIOUSLY?!?!

Zoey 101 should have paid more attention in Contraception 101.
SERIOUSLY.

Ok. I've semi-collected myself.
Junior Britney aka Jamie Lynn Spears, has announced that she is expecting a baby this summer.
She's 16.

Let's all start sending her pamphlets now on proper car seat installation, infant and child dental care and of course, nutrition.
I feel so badly for her mother. I mean seriously. One daughter is 25 and a total psycho trainwreck, the other -- the last great Spears hope -- is now knocked up at 16 and unwed.
SERIOUSLY.
I thought this was a hoax at first, but it's apparently not. By the time Jamie Lynn is Britney's age, she'll have a third grader.
I'm aghast.
Why were her knees not duct-taped together?
Those Spears girls are Fertile Myrtles.

21 comments:

Maribeth said...

I love it! I knew your entry would crack me up. I was in awe. I couldn't believe how badly she messed up. Why? Why would you do that after witnessing your sister's debacles.

Andrea said...

I couldn't wait to come read your blog after I heard the news. It is unbelievable. Also unbelievable...the fact that Lynn Spears is writing a book about parenting. Maybe it's a what-not-to-do book.

Jessica said...

Maribeth broke the news earlier this morning that Lynne Spears' parenting book deal is on an indefinite hold.
Duh.

I'd call it "Ten Stupid Things I Did to Mess Up My Kids' Lives" by Lynne Spears.

Jessica said...

Shockingly the Brit has an older brother that we never hear about, is presumably employed and not in rehab and has no malnourished children in custodial limbo.
Maybe boys ARE easier!?!?

Amy said...

She doesn't need any books on parenting, that Jamie Lynn. She said she's going to raise it in Louisiana so it can grow up normal and around family. So, according to Brit, nobody will bat an eye when the kids are strapped to the top of the car because "we're country," and they'll be around their own folk.

Meredith said...

This is just SO sad...kids are hard enough when you are in your 30s, but 16 years old?!? So so sad. Thought she would learn from her older sister...

Adventures of Pixie said...

Interesting that both Brit and Jessica Simpson were widely known for wanting to wait until marriage before having sex, and both their younger sisters were like, Forget that- Whoo Hoo!

Jessica said...

Yes. And while it's certainly possible that J.Simp did wait, we all know that Britney did not.
PLUS I don't think we can safely assume that Ashlee Simpson is having any sex because her boyfriends were Ryan Cabrera and Pete Wentz...both, eh, questionable.

Adventures of Pixie said...

I remember that when asked, Ash dismissively declared that abstinence was fine for her big sis, but they were very different people. Take that Momager and Dadager!

Adventures of Pixie said...

In the June 2007 Cosmo, Ash also reported that you can and can't have a good relationship without amazing sex.

Whaaa?

Jessica said...

At least she seems to be rocking the BC too, cause we haven't heard any Ashlee Simpson pregnancy stories yet.

To me, it's just friggin shocking when ANY 16 year old girl gets pregnant, let alone a 16 year old girl with a career and managers and agents and what should be a ton of people watching over her, you know? Those other kids on her show have GOT to be pissed. They just friggin lost their jobs yo.

And WHO let her live with her boyfriend? Seriously. Who thought that was a great idea??
Can you imagine that conversation with your parents when YOU were 16??

"Yeah, mom, I'm moving in with my 19 year old boyfriend."

Lynne Spears "Oh that's great! More bayou babies! Let's pick out chandeliers."

MY mom "Like hell!"

See the difference.

Adventures of Pixie said...

Not to be old-fashioned, but what young teenager is emotionally prepared or mature enough to handle the responsibilities involved with having sex to begin with? Aren't women fertile only, like, 24 hours a month? That's the reason more teens aren't getting preggo every day, not because most of them are so CONSCIENTIOUS about their contraceptives.

Jessica said...

I don't think that's old fashioned thinking at all.
I'd say, based on my experience both with being a teen and knowing teens, that exactly 0% of 16 year olds are emotionally prepared for sex. Physically yes, but emotionally, HELL no.
There is SOOO much more that goes into it than just "doing it"
Hell, I probably wasn't really emotionally prepared for sex at 18 or even 20, honestly.
And that's not even factoring in the added stress of unwanted pregnancy, STDs, the physical toll that early use of birth control takes on the female body and all the other possible consequences of sexual activity not only when you're a teenager, but at ANY age.

It always gives me a chuckle when people having sex get pregnant "unexpectedly" like, what do you think that's for? What do you think you are supposed to be doing that for??
Admittedly, every single one of my kids was a surprise, but I wasn't SHOCKED. I knew that sperm plus egg can and often does equal baby. I foresaw the consequences of my actions, which is something that frankly NO 16 year old is fully able to do physiologically.
Brain development and all that. We've discussed this before blogfriends.

I don't know WHAT I'm going to do with my kids once this topic goes live in their lives.
Ugh.
Chastity belts making a comeback anytime soon?

Amy said...

Wait, the best part is that they met at church. What church was that, I'd like to know. The Church of Sluts?

Jessica said...

If there is really a Church of Sluts, why do I not belong to it!!!

Maribeth said...

I thought I would check in before going to bed... your entry has got a lot of traffic. All very good points and if one positive thing can be taken from this awful piece of celebrity gone wrong... Talk to your kids and don't be naive to think that they won't do it just because you told them not too... I think bringing them up with good values, morals and investing your time in knowing what their doing helps. We will all cross that bridge when we come to it and I am sure we will all be chatting about it then... THAT WILL BE INTERESTING!

Jessica said...

What can I say, Jamie Lynn's uterus is a hot-button issue!

I think Maribeth is absolutely right. Investing your time in your childrens' lives is definitely the most important part of parenting.

With all the teens I've personally seen go astray it is usually (but not always) the case that the parents are divorced, both working full-time, having very involved romantic relationships and just plain don't set aside any time to parent their child. And the kid goes wild trying to get their parents attention.
There is a reason why kids are considered minors until they are 18. You can't check out once your kids' age has a -teen after it. Thirteen is not grown. Thirteen cannot make rational wise decisions. Thirteen is not capable of taking care of itself.
Neither is 14, 15, 16 etc etc...
I guarantee this is what happened with Jamie Lynn.
Her parents are divorced and completely busy with their own lives. Trying to keep Britney from killing herself and others.
Jamie Lynn fell through the cracks.
They thought she was the "good one" and left her to fend for herself. She got their attention back now though.

debdills said...

this cracks me up! her boyfriend could be charged in the case:
http://www.cnn.com/2007/SHOWBIZ/TV/12/19/spears.statutory.rape/index.html

is it rude that I think it would be incredibly funny if he was charged with statutory rape?

Jessica said...

Not rude!
Totally appropriate!

You better believe that if some 19 year old dude impregnated my 16 year old I'd be MAAAAAD.
So mad.
I don't know what value it is to now lock the guy up since she's already pregnant, but definitely someone should have nipped this illegal love match in the bud long ago.

Adventures of Pixie said...

Yeah, kids won't necessarily not have sex because you told them not to, but I guarantee the conversation (if there ever was one) went like this:

Mom: Don't have sex before you're married.
Jamie Lynn: Okay.
Mom: I'm serious.
Jamie Lynn: Cool.
Mom: But if you do, tell me.
(Discussion never brought up again, in favor of frequent mother-daughter trips to Victoria Secret to help her pick out sexy underwear.)

And more than likely there was never any discussion, but an implicit "understanding" that Jamie Lynn shouldn't have sex. The actual problem is that her mother doesn't really think it's that bad or really wrong, and when you're trying to teach something to kids they're not going to buy it if you don't. Of course Jamie Lynn figured it could never happen to her, so she forgot to use the condom a few hundred times (what 16-year-old IS always responsible?) and WHOOPS! I guarantee Mama Spears is neither surprised nor upset that Jamie Lynn is a teen sex-pot, only that she'll be a teen MOM. Jamie Lynn was always so CONSCIENTIOUS, after all.

debdills said...

given her sister's track record, i'm surprised disney didn't require some sort of contraception in her contract... ya know, to promote solid family values and all.