Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Wow. What a crazy 24 hours.

Yesterday started out like a normal day...
Breakfast, cartoons, playdate, post office, nap for Dylan, playdough time, coloring all over each other, dirty diapers, blah blah blah...

Here's a cute pic of the kids' playdate, by the way...
Bailey, Amber, Elizabeth and Dylan


I had a wonderful extra-long phone chat with mom-to-be Joan during which I may have completely terrified her about motherhood, particularly in the bits where my children attacked me with their "needs" and their "hunger" and their "DYLAN BROKE THE SPONGEBOB DVD!!!!! WHY GOD WHY!!!!"
I tried to assure her that kids hardly even care about Spongebob for at least 6 months after they are born...I hope it worked!

I made dinner, Chicken Chilaquiles, I worked on my website a bit...
A regular day!

Then around 7 pm, Dylan decided that he wanted to go poo-poo on the potty very, very badly!
The whole family gathered around the potty, while he perched atop it. We sang potty songs, we did potty dances, we tried very hard to make Dylan poop. It did not work.
After a half hour (no lie, 30 minutes in a bathroom) we gave up and I brought Dylan into my room to diaper him up.
Two minutes later, Elizabeth comes in with two of the three rings I was wearing earlier in the day, but took off and left on the computer desk just prior to the extended potty party.

"Where's the other ring?" I asked her.
"There's only two!" she said.

The missing ring was my wedding band. Not good.
I immediately started looking for it...couldn't find it.
Bob and Elizabeth started helping the search. No luck.
We moved furniture. No ring.
We tore apart the couches...lots of Cheerios...no ring.
I searched through all of Dylan's room. No ring.
I dug through the kitchen garbage!!!!!!!!!!! Nothing.

DEAR LORD PLEASE DON'T LET IT BE IN THE TOILET!!!

We interrogated Elizabeth...she denied all knowledge of the ring's whereabouts and blamed her brother for any and all crime that may have been committed. Then she called her lawyer. :)

We attempted to question Dylan, he was uncooperative. Bob handed him his own wedding ring, to see what he would do with it.
He put it IN HIS MOUTH!

HOLY FUDGE! HE ATE MY RING!

I freaked.
No. To say I freaked is an understatement for how I reacted.
I completely flipped my sh.....stuff. I was totally going to say stuff.

Bob called his sister who has two older kids and lots of injury/accident experience. I went to my go-to info source...the INTERWEB!
Bob's sister said we should wait until the morning and see if he poops it. The Interweb told me to run to the hospital and get an X-ray, stat!

I ran.
I ran so far away.

TWO hours later...Dylan had been X-rayed and cleared of the crime of eating his mother's wedding ring.
Oh, did the nurses love him. Not only was he cute and tired, he was covered almost head to toe in marker tattoos. Self-inflicted.
Didn't I look like mother of the year?

By the time we got home it was almost 1 am.
Still no sign of the ring.
Bob was laying in bed, exhausted from searching the house the whole time we were at the ER.
I fell asleep thinking, "is it in the kitchen cabinets? Did we check the dryer lint trap? Please St. Anthony, look around...."

I woke up this morning sad and defeated.
Bob was sure that Dylan must have flushed it down the toilet. Because a) it wasn't anywhere else and b) he had JUST put a train down the toilet maybe a week and a half ago.
I wasn't ready to give up!!
Elizabeth and I resumed the search by checking the kitchen cabinets. I had her look IN her playdough, not the containers...in the playdough itself.
I searched the Xmas decorations box. I re-checked Dylan's room. All dirty laundry hampers were inspected.
Nothing. Nada. Zilch.

I decided to vacuum to get my mind off of it.
First I checked the dust container for my ring...not there either.
I vacuumed Dylan's room. Nothing.
I vacuumed the dining room. No ring.
Then I started vacuuming the living room.

I got about halfway done when I saw a glimmer and a flash. And there, lodged between the baseboard and the carpet was MY RING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

HUZZAH!
I jumped about as high in the air as a fat preggo lady can jump!
Elizabeth and I cheered and high-fived!!

It was the most fantastic 10 seconds of my whole life!!!

I emailed my mom at work to tell her the ring was found and she replied...
"I can't believe you had your son X-rayed at midnight and it was on the floor the whole time!"

If it wasn't chaos, it just wouldn't be "us"
You know?

8 comments:

eaf said...

I'm having a hard time believing this post wasn't on Jason's blog, actually. But if you say it happened to YOU, I have to believe it.

I'm really glad you found your ring. AND that it wasn't covered in poo. Especially that last part.

Meredith said...

This story was absolutely HILARIOUS! Just a day in the life of being a Mom...can't you just wait for the new one to get here and add to the chaos? :)

Jessica said...

I have to echo the happiness of a non-pooey ring.
Also, yes. I CAN wait. I can totally wait for No. 3!

Jason said...

I was just going to say that this sounds like my blog - except I don't have kids. Is this what I have to look forward to in the future?

Amy said...

I was totally rooting for you having to, well, root through poop to find it.

Jessica said...

You're such a beeyotch! :)
Neener neener no poop rooting for me!

Chris said...

I did have to check the blog title a couple times to make sure I was on the right one.

Smitty76 said...

This story is HILARIOUS! Glad you found your wedding ring. :-)