Sunday, May 18, 2008

Three is the Magic Number

Going into Ben's birth, we knew that we would not be having any more babies.
Bob and I had decided that the best thing would be for me to get the tubal ligation while I was already in surgery since it would add no recovery time and no distinguishable pain to the procedure.
Knowing that number three would be my last baby made this pregnancy all that much more first.
By the time I was 36, 37 and 38 weeks pregnant I was saying to myself (and others) "Thank goodness I'm not doing THIS again!"
It wasn't that I had lots of problems or complications, or even pain. It was just the discomfort, the getting huge, the having to wear funny pants.
I was glad to be done, and done for good.

In the morning before the surgery, my OB asked us if we were SURELY sure we wanted the tubal. We were.

As I was wheeled into the room, they asked again. I was sure.

When Ben was born and I saw his precious angel face for the first time, my OB asked me again if I was certain he would be my last baby. And though Benjamin was definitely the most perfect baby that *I* had ever seen, I was still sure he would be the last for me.

As it turns out, the decision wasn't ever mine to make.

When my OB started the surgery, so soon after Ben's birth that he was still in the operating room, he almost immediately said to Bob and I.

"I think you've made a smart decision to do this."

He told Bob to peek over the surgical drapes, which he very reluctantly did.

"Do you see this right here," my OB said, as he unbeknownst to me pointed out the bottom portion of my completely exposed uterus. "This should be about this thick."
He motioned the thickness of about an inch and a half to Bob.
"Your wife's uterus is only *this* thick," he indicated about a third of an inch. "I would have had to advise you not to have any more babies after this one. So this is good that you're doing this."

That somehow lifted some of the sadness I had been feeling about choosing to not have any more babies.
I felt sad that I was determining that I would stop when so many women were wishing that they could decide to have just ONE baby of their own.
I wasn't hoping for 18 kids or anything, or even six, or maybe not even more than the three I had, but making the choice to take the choice away was weighing heavily on me.
Now that I knew that somehow the choice that we had made was totally in line with God's plan for us, it took away a lot of those feelings and thoughts.
No longer did I feel like I was turning away from what might be the path I was intended to take. I felt like I was finally turning down that path -- with my three, just the three, perfect babies.
That's a good feeling.


Anonymous said...

You have an unbelievably beautiful family and you take great pictures of them too. Judy

Jessica said...

Aw thanks! I like them!

Amy said...

I can see how that would be a relief, to have made the decision then have nature say, "Yup, you made the right one!" I find it kind of shocking though that they'd keep asking you if you were sure, even AFTER you were hopped up on drugs and had just seen the baby. Seems to me that'd be when your defenses were at their lowest, so they should've stuck with the "I'm totally fat and not on drugs" yes.

Amy said...

Oh and 12 pounds? Awesome. And I WOULD say you didn't even have to do anything to lose it, but I think getting your stomach sliced open is totally something.

Jessica said...

As of this morning I'm up to a 15 pound loss postpartum.
I'm at a week pp.
That's 2 pounds a day! Blam! Take that Biggest Losers!

I'm really not doing much of anything besides drinking tons of water, flushing out post-op swell and making breastmilk, which burns a ton of calories.
I highly recommend it as a weight loss plan!