Thursday, January 29, 2009

Ten Things I Do Not Understand....

1. Hey! Ford F-150 guy! Nice ball cap. Look. Why do you insist on inching your vehicle farther and farther into the intersection when the light is red. WHY? Eventually, that light will turn green. I swear. You don't have to trigger it by rolling your car three feet past the crosswalk line. I know, you're surprised. You thought you controlled the whole world, including traffic signals. But I can assure you sir, that you do not.

2. Texting while driving...why? Seriously. Unless you are texting the formula to a serum that will instantly cure AIDS, cancer and obesity all at, wait, maybe?

IDK, May-B UR not as cool as U think. May-b, we all don't need 2 know UR thoughts the moment U have them. LOL.

3. "Non-Partisan" Nancy Pelosi. Please.

4. Guy in the Safeway parking lot with the kid who kept running into traffic. Yeah, hi. Just a tip. Put the KID in the car first! Then unload the groceries and chat with your firefighter buddies. I'm not SURE, but I think it will work.

5. Why does the baby always spit out his VERY IMPORTANT binky in the parking lot and then WHY does it always roll under a car.
AND - related many pacifiers are swept up from parking lots every year...I'm thinking 2.6 million. Just extrapolating from my ONE child and how many HE has lost in this manner.

6. Why does the pharmacy take so long? Pills. Bottle. Done.
Especially for us today...when we got antibiotics. Which they make you wait an hour and half before you can pick it up, then they MIX IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Seriously. 90 minutes? That took 90 seconds. I watched you.

7. I know they are stupid chicks in the first place, obviously, but WHY in hell do the girlfriends from Tool Academy on VH-1 stay with their tool boyfriends after they get kicked out for being so tooly? Props to the ONE chick so far who bailed on her loser dude.

8. Wax Statue Museums.

9. The continuing supposed appeal of Bret Michaels.

and finally

10. Why my darling 3 year old son flat out refuses to poop in the potty. WHY GOD WHY!


Kenna said...

That was so funny & so true! I really needed the laugh, Thanks!!!

Anonymous said...

What's worse than the girls on Tool Academy, are the dudes who STAYED on Tool Academy once they realized what it really was!

Jessica said...

Well, they ARE tools, so...maybe they figure they'll be big stars from being on TV...even for being major tools.

Jessica said...

Stay tuned here Kenna, this blog is all about the hilarity! :)

Blue House Soaps Blog said...

It took me having 3 kids to figure out that if you TIE the binky to their clothing, it won't roll away when they spit it out. I had a little snapie elastic "binky leash" that I snapped around the bink, and then snapped it to their shirt. Binky spit out, was still attached to shirt. No chasing it under cars, no licking off the dirt before replacing it in baby's mouth. Works like a charm.

Jessica said...

I had those for the binkies that E and D had, but Ben only likes the Soothies kind, and I can't figure out how to attach something to it!! Maybe I'm just not using all my brain power on this one!