This is so nutsy, I don't even know where to begin.
OK, my mom makes fantastic spaghetti sauce. Fan-fricking-tastic. We never had a jar of Ragu in our house growing up. Anathema.
When I got married, she gave me the recipe. Other than telling you how many cans of tomatoes to put in, there are no amounts. Just a list of ingredients and what order to add them to the pot, basically.
I mean literally, it says "add salt and pepper and spices". No measurements whatsoever. This is because my mom doesn't measure when she makes it, and frankly neither do I. I put in the spices until it looks right. It's hard to convey that via recipe though!
Anyway. Last night/this morning I made a huge batch of sauce. Some friends asked me for the recipe so I put it on my recipe blog then posted a link on my Facebook account.
Well, I tell you, my brother freaked out. He demanded I remove the recipe, called me a traitor to the family and defriended me. In that order.
I laughed my ass off.
Seriously. Tomatoes, onion, garlic....these are secret ingredients?
I tried to joke with him about it but he was totally serious. I think he needs Prozac.
After I laughed for awhile, I called my mom so she could laugh too.
I barely even got the words, "So I put the recipe on my blog..." out of my mouth and I heard this audible gasp.
"You ARE a traitor!" she said.
I laughed even harder than before.
"Mom seriously! You're not mad! What's the secret...oh shhh don't look, there's TOMATOES in the recipe. Ooooh."
She laughed, I think, and then in all seriousness said "Well you better not put my cheesecake recipe online! That's a secret!"
"Mom!" I said. "You got that from our neighbor!"
"Yes I did. I got it, and now it's mine, and it's top secret."
Loons. Every one of them.
Next recipe I post...mom's SECRET recipe for Grilled Cheese. Hint: There's cheese in it.
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Showing posts with label crazy. Show all posts
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Dylan's Adventures in Dentistry
First let me say that I took no pictures or video, it would have been unusually cruel and that's unconstitutional. At least I THINK it still is...
Dylan's appointment (which we waited two months to get) was today at 8:20 am. In Snowflake. Which the way I drive is about a half hour away. My husband insists it is a 15 to 20 minute drive, which lets you know which of us is the leadfoot.
I wake up this morning in a panic at 7:22 am. I should have already been gone by then, but my husband did not wake up early for work today and I was counting on his noisiness to wake me up in time.
If you're keeping score, that's TWO instances of bitchiness toward the hubs so far in this post.
Gah! An hour is barely enough time. To his credit, Bob got the kids ready while I whirled around getting dressed, grabbing keys, grabbing my purse, slugging down old coffee from yesterday. Ew.
All the kids were buckled and in the car in 10 minutes and we were off....but wait! Damn I forgot the paperwork. I called Bob and told him I was coming back for paperwork which he found AND met me in the driveway with like the sweet guy he is.
If you're keeping score, that's TWO instances of praise for the hubs. So I'm even now.
Back on the road, now we've lost 10 minutes of precious time.
I make it to Snowflake in near record time, about 27 minutes, haha, I have 15 minutes before the appointment to rush to my friend's house (hey Christina!) drop off the bookend children and then rush to the dentist's office in time.
I pulled up, passed Christina the children, Ben's diapers and an empty bottle (which WAS full of milk when we left the house) and jumped BACK into the car. Five minutes to get there. PLENTY of time in tiny Snowflake.
BUT WAIT!
Some old dude pulls out into the road in front of me in a busted old pickup truck and he actually DID THE SPEED LIMIT all the way from Christina's house to the stoplight. Yes, THE one and only stoplight. Old dudes are such sticklers for the rules. That took me down to just ONE minute to arrive.
We pulled up and got checked into the appointment just two minutes late. I was terrified that they would tell me, so sorry, you have to reschedule just because they could. But they did not! Yay!
I had to fill out the paperwork right there in the office. Bad mom!
Anyway...they called Dylan back to start getting him knocked out. First they weighed him, I suppose to determine how much knockout juice he would need. Then the anesthesiologist -- who incidentally was waaaay amped up for a person who puts people to sleep for a living -- went through a checklist of safety stuff, is Dylan allergic to anything, does he have asthma, does he do coke, that sort of thing. No, no and no for the record.
Then Dylan sat in my lap and the fast-talking anesthesiologist pulled a ninja move and poked him in the arm with the needle of sleepy juice before Dylan even knew what was going on. Despite the doc telling me it would take a few minutes (at least I THINK that's what he said) Dylan started slipping into dreamland within 60 seconds. The doc took off Dylan's shoes and socks, in case they needed to run his IV through his foot, and then took Dylan off to the room to get his cavities filled.
I went back to the waiting room and read four issues of Time magazine and obsessively texted Christina.
It was about 10 am when they were all done with Dylan and they brought me back to see him. He was stone cold knocked out. Totally asleep.
The anesthesiologist told me to "mess with him" to get him to wake up. At least that's what I THINK he said. He talked so fast!
It took about another half hour before Dylan roused himself and wanted to sit up. He was acting like a little drunk kid. I was laughing. A lot.
It was another ten minutes before he said anything. He mostly just looked around dazed and tried to lay back down suddenly.
When Dylan DID speak (the criteria for letting us leave was that he had to start talking) he said "Hiiiiiiii mooooooooom" just like that. Like we were underwater and overemphasizing his words so I'd understand him.
Then he looked around again, drunkenly, and leaned into me and said "Iiiiiiii waaaant toooo geeeet ouuuuut of heeeeeeere."
So we left.
He was dead weight for sure, and I carried all 36 pounds of him to the car all while he was fighting me trying to get down and walk. With no shoes on, and on at best wobbly legs.
We went back and picked up the other kids. Dylan was WAAAAY out of it. He didn't really seem to know where he was, who he was, or what was going on around him.
I got the other two in the car and stopped off to get gas. As I was pumping the gas, Dylan puked all over himself. Nice. I didn't have any towels so I cleaned him up with a sweater that happened to be in the car. Waay nice.
Then I remembered that I had to mail some packages and get milk as we were almost out. I drove all the way to Lakeside to go to the post office there, because you can see the parking lot through the window there and I was not afraid to leave the kids in the car. Then I jammed to Wal-Mart, Dylan still could not walk, and got milk, eggs and other essentials.
At the checkout line, Ben AND Dylan both decided that they had had enough of the day, the shopping and being awake and/or sane and they both started howling and screaming and crying.
So much so that I forgot my PIN for my debit card and the lady behind me said "Honey you need to get home, take some sedatives and drink a glass of wine."
And I would have agreed if the screaming wasn't damaging my brain so much at the time that I could barely register the fact that this woman was talking to me and suggesting dangerous drug interaction, which is totally my style. Kidding. Maybe.
I got out of there so fast and strapped the kids back into the car, Benny still wailing. Then I high-tailed it home, tossed Ben into the crib where he is STILL sleeping Praise Jesus! and drank not a luded out glass of wine, but rather a delicious diet cream soda. Yum.
Upon returning home, Dylan swiftly returned to his normal form: Insane Three Year Old.
He STOLE my cream soda AND began demanding chicken nuggets.
Yeah, he's back to normal.
I, however, am ready for a nap. Is it bedtime yet?
Dylan's appointment (which we waited two months to get) was today at 8:20 am. In Snowflake. Which the way I drive is about a half hour away. My husband insists it is a 15 to 20 minute drive, which lets you know which of us is the leadfoot.
I wake up this morning in a panic at 7:22 am. I should have already been gone by then, but my husband did not wake up early for work today and I was counting on his noisiness to wake me up in time.
If you're keeping score, that's TWO instances of bitchiness toward the hubs so far in this post.
Gah! An hour is barely enough time. To his credit, Bob got the kids ready while I whirled around getting dressed, grabbing keys, grabbing my purse, slugging down old coffee from yesterday. Ew.
All the kids were buckled and in the car in 10 minutes and we were off....but wait! Damn I forgot the paperwork. I called Bob and told him I was coming back for paperwork which he found AND met me in the driveway with like the sweet guy he is.
If you're keeping score, that's TWO instances of praise for the hubs. So I'm even now.
Back on the road, now we've lost 10 minutes of precious time.
I make it to Snowflake in near record time, about 27 minutes, haha, I have 15 minutes before the appointment to rush to my friend's house (hey Christina!) drop off the bookend children and then rush to the dentist's office in time.
I pulled up, passed Christina the children, Ben's diapers and an empty bottle (which WAS full of milk when we left the house) and jumped BACK into the car. Five minutes to get there. PLENTY of time in tiny Snowflake.
BUT WAIT!
Some old dude pulls out into the road in front of me in a busted old pickup truck and he actually DID THE SPEED LIMIT all the way from Christina's house to the stoplight. Yes, THE one and only stoplight. Old dudes are such sticklers for the rules. That took me down to just ONE minute to arrive.
We pulled up and got checked into the appointment just two minutes late. I was terrified that they would tell me, so sorry, you have to reschedule just because they could. But they did not! Yay!
I had to fill out the paperwork right there in the office. Bad mom!
Anyway...they called Dylan back to start getting him knocked out. First they weighed him, I suppose to determine how much knockout juice he would need. Then the anesthesiologist -- who incidentally was waaaay amped up for a person who puts people to sleep for a living -- went through a checklist of safety stuff, is Dylan allergic to anything, does he have asthma, does he do coke, that sort of thing. No, no and no for the record.
Then Dylan sat in my lap and the fast-talking anesthesiologist pulled a ninja move and poked him in the arm with the needle of sleepy juice before Dylan even knew what was going on. Despite the doc telling me it would take a few minutes (at least I THINK that's what he said) Dylan started slipping into dreamland within 60 seconds. The doc took off Dylan's shoes and socks, in case they needed to run his IV through his foot, and then took Dylan off to the room to get his cavities filled.
I went back to the waiting room and read four issues of Time magazine and obsessively texted Christina.
It was about 10 am when they were all done with Dylan and they brought me back to see him. He was stone cold knocked out. Totally asleep.
The anesthesiologist told me to "mess with him" to get him to wake up. At least that's what I THINK he said. He talked so fast!
It took about another half hour before Dylan roused himself and wanted to sit up. He was acting like a little drunk kid. I was laughing. A lot.
It was another ten minutes before he said anything. He mostly just looked around dazed and tried to lay back down suddenly.
When Dylan DID speak (the criteria for letting us leave was that he had to start talking) he said "Hiiiiiiii mooooooooom" just like that. Like we were underwater and overemphasizing his words so I'd understand him.
Then he looked around again, drunkenly, and leaned into me and said "Iiiiiiii waaaant toooo geeeet ouuuuut of heeeeeeere."
So we left.
He was dead weight for sure, and I carried all 36 pounds of him to the car all while he was fighting me trying to get down and walk. With no shoes on, and on at best wobbly legs.
We went back and picked up the other kids. Dylan was WAAAAY out of it. He didn't really seem to know where he was, who he was, or what was going on around him.
I got the other two in the car and stopped off to get gas. As I was pumping the gas, Dylan puked all over himself. Nice. I didn't have any towels so I cleaned him up with a sweater that happened to be in the car. Waay nice.
Then I remembered that I had to mail some packages and get milk as we were almost out. I drove all the way to Lakeside to go to the post office there, because you can see the parking lot through the window there and I was not afraid to leave the kids in the car. Then I jammed to Wal-Mart, Dylan still could not walk, and got milk, eggs and other essentials.
At the checkout line, Ben AND Dylan both decided that they had had enough of the day, the shopping and being awake and/or sane and they both started howling and screaming and crying.
So much so that I forgot my PIN for my debit card and the lady behind me said "Honey you need to get home, take some sedatives and drink a glass of wine."
And I would have agreed if the screaming wasn't damaging my brain so much at the time that I could barely register the fact that this woman was talking to me and suggesting dangerous drug interaction, which is totally my style. Kidding. Maybe.
I got out of there so fast and strapped the kids back into the car, Benny still wailing. Then I high-tailed it home, tossed Ben into the crib where he is STILL sleeping Praise Jesus! and drank not a luded out glass of wine, but rather a delicious diet cream soda. Yum.
Upon returning home, Dylan swiftly returned to his normal form: Insane Three Year Old.
He STOLE my cream soda AND began demanding chicken nuggets.
Yeah, he's back to normal.
I, however, am ready for a nap. Is it bedtime yet?
Friday, May 29, 2009
The One In Which I Find Myself Stuck in the Back Seat*
*and not in a good way!
Today I woke up and assessed our milk situation. My whole family welfare revolves around the availability of milk. With three kids aged 5 and under and a cereal fiend for a husband, yeah, we gotta have milk in the damn house.
This morning we were down to less than half a gallon. No bueno. I wipe my ass with half a gallon of milk. Not literally.
Half a gallon of milk lasts about half a day around here. Just so you know.
Immediately my day's plans become clear. Item one on the agenda: GET MILK SO YOU GOT MILK!!!
With the plan of going to get milk then going to the school's lunch program in the afternoon, I packed up the kids and left the house around 10:45 am. Dangerously cutting it close during the rainy season.
We got to Wal-Mart and the sky above was black black black. Like Deebo black. An angry punk. Trying to make me give it my bike!
Anyway....
We finished the Wal-Mart shopping without major incident. I bought a little foam cooler for my milk as I totally planned to be at the lunch for awhile and didn't want my milk to get gross.
I get to the car in the parking lot and I immediately realize that all my plans are about to go bunk. The sky now is SUPER dark, there's lightning flashing everywhere. No rain....yet.
I get Benny in his seat. Elizabeth and Dylan hop into their car seats. I pop the trunk. Unload with a QUICKNESS. Return the cart to the cart corral, because I'm not a punk bitch! then get started on buckling the kids.
I told Elizabeth "buckle Benny!" as I started to buckle Dylan into his seat. It was starting to sprinkle, but I could FEEL the real rain coming.
"BUCKLE HIM! BUCKLE HIM!" I yelled!
"I can't. I don't know how!!!" Elizabeth yelled back, though she totally does.
As I'm trying to buckle Dylan in, the rain starts COMING DOWN!
I finally get his buckle snapped and pull myself into the backseat (of a four-door Mazda Protege by the way) and slam the door shut. I'm practically sitting on top of Dylan now.
"Shut your door!" I yell to Elizabeth, and she did it.
Whew! We're not getting rained on. The rain is pelting the car by now. The drops are soooo big they sound like hail hitting the roof of the car. I finish buckling Benny into his seat then try to get Elizabeth buckled. I'm at such a weird angle, I can't do it. She refused to even try to buckle herself.
The rain is still pelting.
Ok. I have to go out there.
I pull the door handle.
Nothing.
AH SHIT!
I have forgotten that I have the back doors set to child lock. Which means of course that they cannot be opened from INSIDE THE CAR!
I am totally not able to climb over the back seats into the front seat to open a door. I am friggin trapped.
Elizabeth, however, is unbuckled and tiny.
"Climb into mommy's seat right now!" I tell her. "Then open mommy's door and get out and open Dylan's door and let me out."
"Ok mom!"
And that girl scurried her tiny butt over the front seats, into the drivers seat. Opened the drivers door, hopped out in the pouring rain, popped open Dylan's door...
"Run and get into your seat again!" I said as I hopped out of the backseat and ran around to her door to buckle her.
The rain was hitting my back like coins coming out of a dime slot machine. It freaking hurt! And it was coooooold!
I got Elizabeth buckled, slammed her door. Ran around to my side of the car, hopped into the drivers seat, slammed the door.
Then, and only then, did I laugh. I laughed my ass off as I listened to the giant droplets of rain smash against my car.
Just another day. :)
Today I woke up and assessed our milk situation. My whole family welfare revolves around the availability of milk. With three kids aged 5 and under and a cereal fiend for a husband, yeah, we gotta have milk in the damn house.
This morning we were down to less than half a gallon. No bueno. I wipe my ass with half a gallon of milk. Not literally.
Half a gallon of milk lasts about half a day around here. Just so you know.
Immediately my day's plans become clear. Item one on the agenda: GET MILK SO YOU GOT MILK!!!
With the plan of going to get milk then going to the school's lunch program in the afternoon, I packed up the kids and left the house around 10:45 am. Dangerously cutting it close during the rainy season.
We got to Wal-Mart and the sky above was black black black. Like Deebo black. An angry punk. Trying to make me give it my bike!
Anyway....
We finished the Wal-Mart shopping without major incident. I bought a little foam cooler for my milk as I totally planned to be at the lunch for awhile and didn't want my milk to get gross.
I get to the car in the parking lot and I immediately realize that all my plans are about to go bunk. The sky now is SUPER dark, there's lightning flashing everywhere. No rain....yet.
I get Benny in his seat. Elizabeth and Dylan hop into their car seats. I pop the trunk. Unload with a QUICKNESS. Return the cart to the cart corral, because I'm not a punk bitch! then get started on buckling the kids.
I told Elizabeth "buckle Benny!" as I started to buckle Dylan into his seat. It was starting to sprinkle, but I could FEEL the real rain coming.
"BUCKLE HIM! BUCKLE HIM!" I yelled!
"I can't. I don't know how!!!" Elizabeth yelled back, though she totally does.
As I'm trying to buckle Dylan in, the rain starts COMING DOWN!
I finally get his buckle snapped and pull myself into the backseat (of a four-door Mazda Protege by the way) and slam the door shut. I'm practically sitting on top of Dylan now.
"Shut your door!" I yell to Elizabeth, and she did it.
Whew! We're not getting rained on. The rain is pelting the car by now. The drops are soooo big they sound like hail hitting the roof of the car. I finish buckling Benny into his seat then try to get Elizabeth buckled. I'm at such a weird angle, I can't do it. She refused to even try to buckle herself.
The rain is still pelting.
Ok. I have to go out there.
I pull the door handle.
Nothing.
AH SHIT!
I have forgotten that I have the back doors set to child lock. Which means of course that they cannot be opened from INSIDE THE CAR!
I am totally not able to climb over the back seats into the front seat to open a door. I am friggin trapped.
Elizabeth, however, is unbuckled and tiny.
"Climb into mommy's seat right now!" I tell her. "Then open mommy's door and get out and open Dylan's door and let me out."
"Ok mom!"
And that girl scurried her tiny butt over the front seats, into the drivers seat. Opened the drivers door, hopped out in the pouring rain, popped open Dylan's door...
"Run and get into your seat again!" I said as I hopped out of the backseat and ran around to her door to buckle her.
The rain was hitting my back like coins coming out of a dime slot machine. It freaking hurt! And it was coooooold!
I got Elizabeth buckled, slammed her door. Ran around to my side of the car, hopped into the drivers seat, slammed the door.
Then, and only then, did I laugh. I laughed my ass off as I listened to the giant droplets of rain smash against my car.
Just another day. :)
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
I smell like this because....
Confession time!!
I usually will only take a shower every other day. The reasons are threefold:
One, more frequent showers in our hard water turns my skin to ash
Two, during the looooong cold winters it's too dang cold to shower every day. I've had my hair literally freeze!
and Three, I have to get up very early to get in a shower before the rugrats wake up and I am NOT a morning person. At all. In any way.
So yeah. As per my usual, I did not take a shower yesterday and fully expected to get in a quick shower this morning before Ben's checkup.
Yeah. No.
The best laid plans of mice and men, eh?
Last night I gave the kids a bath and noticed that even though the brand new bathtub had only been used once before, the water was already brownish even before I put the kids in there. Hmmmm. Ah well, no biggie.
Then this morning I wake up and the water pressure is zilch.
Not even enough to refill the toilet tank. Which is NOT good.
So I called our water company and got a line of bullshit, which I didn't realize was bullshit at the time but now I know it was a total crock of bs!
I mean, why would the water have dirt in it LAST NIGHT if the water "company" claims that the construction workers just hit a main this morning? AND why were there construction workers out digging up road that WASN'T BEING WORKED ON??????
Fishy fishy stuff.
Anyway, shady companies are par for the course here. And we're used to water main breaks. After all the last time the county workers actually WERE working on the road they tore up a main too.
But I digress......
I did NOT get my shower today. And so an overly hairsprayed ponytail got me through the day of errands, school, paperwork, grocery shopping...ugh
What a mess.
I usually will only take a shower every other day. The reasons are threefold:
One, more frequent showers in our hard water turns my skin to ash
Two, during the looooong cold winters it's too dang cold to shower every day. I've had my hair literally freeze!
and Three, I have to get up very early to get in a shower before the rugrats wake up and I am NOT a morning person. At all. In any way.
So yeah. As per my usual, I did not take a shower yesterday and fully expected to get in a quick shower this morning before Ben's checkup.
Yeah. No.
The best laid plans of mice and men, eh?
Last night I gave the kids a bath and noticed that even though the brand new bathtub had only been used once before, the water was already brownish even before I put the kids in there. Hmmmm. Ah well, no biggie.
Then this morning I wake up and the water pressure is zilch.
Not even enough to refill the toilet tank. Which is NOT good.
So I called our water company and got a line of bullshit, which I didn't realize was bullshit at the time but now I know it was a total crock of bs!
I mean, why would the water have dirt in it LAST NIGHT if the water "company" claims that the construction workers just hit a main this morning? AND why were there construction workers out digging up road that WASN'T BEING WORKED ON??????
Fishy fishy stuff.
Anyway, shady companies are par for the course here. And we're used to water main breaks. After all the last time the county workers actually WERE working on the road they tore up a main too.
But I digress......
I did NOT get my shower today. And so an overly hairsprayed ponytail got me through the day of errands, school, paperwork, grocery shopping...ugh
What a mess.
Wednesday, March 18, 2009
Saturday, March 14, 2009
Four Hours of Fun
Yesterday we had a teacher home visit from Elizabeth's school. They say they're not checking out your house, but come on. They must be!
I cleaned like crazy. The house looked very nice and the home visit was smooooooth.
Afterwards, I loaded the kids into the car so that we could make the hour-long drive to Holbrook, Ariz. the Navajo County seat. We had to go there so I could get copies of all the kids' birth certificates. The school needs a copy to make sure I haven't smuggled illegal immigrants into their program.
I could have done it over the interweb, but it would have cost me upwards of $40 for each certificate. Times three kids = way too much money. AND it takes like 5-8 weeks to get the dang things through the mail.
To go in person is a long drive, but I'd get them in hand that day AND it only costs $10 a copy. NO brainer right.
So we set out for Holbrook at around 11 am.
Here's the drive from north of Snowflake to the fantastic hustling bustling big city of Holbrook....
Ha! Tricked ya! It's a whole lot of hot nothing. Well, some cows.
We got to the office at 10 minutes to noon, which was great because they don't process anything between noon and 1 pm. Lunch time!
I filled out the applications, and the gal printed the certificates out in less than 5 minutes. Easy peasy.
Oh, but wait....
I go to write a check for the $30. She immediately snatches the certificates back to her side of the desk.
"You can write a check, but then I have to hold these until it clears. Five weeks."
"FIVE weeks??!?"
"Five weeks."
OK. Shit.
I tell her I'll go get cash and come back. She puts the certs in her drawer and shuffles us out of the office and runs out the back door to her lunch break.
Shit!!
Now I have to go get cash and then waste an hour. In Holbrook.
Christina is laughing her butt off right now.
So yeah, what to do.
I went and got cash from the Chevron ATM and drove BACK to the offices, parked my car and discovered that we were one block away from the Navajo County Museum. Sounds like fun!
Here's the building itself.
Kinda old and cool no? It used to be the county courthouse. The first one ever. It also used to house county offices. There was a big famous hanging there once. Now it's a museum and the chamber of commerce.
The kids played jail in a cage that was outside. Better get used to those bars kid.
Inside was a REAL jail, the first Navajo County jail. It was friggin creepy! I went into the jail and I was totally creeped out instantly, the kids ran out screaming.
Then we saw an old-timey model of a post office. That was pretty cool also.
There were all kinds of exhibits, a real chuck wagon, a replica of a early 20th century western kitchen and living room. It was pretty neat. Even the kids, who normally couldn't care less about that sort of thing, thought it was awesome.
Being that it's Holbrook, the gateway to the petrified forest, there are dinosaurs and petrified wood and geodes and all kind of rock shops all over the place. This one was right outside the museum. I hit my head on it's scary claw. Dinos ARE dangerous!
Of course, we had to go visit the giant dinos as well.
We walked around town a bit, killing time. We happened to stroll by a house with a giant pit bull in the front yard that wanted to kill us.
Dylan screamed like he WAS getting eaten. Then he froze. I had to drag him, the baby in the stroller and his sister away from the insane barking dog. It was another block before the dog shut up and Dylan stopped screaming. I seriously thought the cops would come.
After that fun experience, we went back to the health office, paid for the certs and left. Bada bing bada boom. In and out.
On the way home I decided to go through Heber-Overgaard instead of Snowflake/Taylor. Yes, the punctuation matters.
H-O is about 40 or so miles west of Holbrook. Here is the drive between the two.
I swear this is not the same picture as before! There's just a whole lot of nada out there. Look to the left of the road, nada. Look to the right, nada!
We did come up on a pretty nice view of the rain coming up the rim.
Other than that though....nada. Nada damn thing out there.
No wonder my mom calls it the moon.
By the time we got home it was coming up on 3 pm. The actual procuring the birth certificates took a total of 10 minutes. Twenty if you count the time it took me to drive to get cash from the ATM and back.
And THAT is the joy of living in a rural county!
I cleaned like crazy. The house looked very nice and the home visit was smooooooth.
Afterwards, I loaded the kids into the car so that we could make the hour-long drive to Holbrook, Ariz. the Navajo County seat. We had to go there so I could get copies of all the kids' birth certificates. The school needs a copy to make sure I haven't smuggled illegal immigrants into their program.
I could have done it over the interweb, but it would have cost me upwards of $40 for each certificate. Times three kids = way too much money. AND it takes like 5-8 weeks to get the dang things through the mail.
To go in person is a long drive, but I'd get them in hand that day AND it only costs $10 a copy. NO brainer right.
So we set out for Holbrook at around 11 am.
Here's the drive from north of Snowflake to the fantastic hustling bustling big city of Holbrook....
Ha! Tricked ya! It's a whole lot of hot nothing. Well, some cows.
We got to the office at 10 minutes to noon, which was great because they don't process anything between noon and 1 pm. Lunch time!
I filled out the applications, and the gal printed the certificates out in less than 5 minutes. Easy peasy.
Oh, but wait....
I go to write a check for the $30. She immediately snatches the certificates back to her side of the desk.
"You can write a check, but then I have to hold these until it clears. Five weeks."
"FIVE weeks??!?"
"Five weeks."
OK. Shit.
I tell her I'll go get cash and come back. She puts the certs in her drawer and shuffles us out of the office and runs out the back door to her lunch break.
Shit!!
Now I have to go get cash and then waste an hour. In Holbrook.
Christina is laughing her butt off right now.
So yeah, what to do.
I went and got cash from the Chevron ATM and drove BACK to the offices, parked my car and discovered that we were one block away from the Navajo County Museum. Sounds like fun!
Here's the building itself.
Kinda old and cool no? It used to be the county courthouse. The first one ever. It also used to house county offices. There was a big famous hanging there once. Now it's a museum and the chamber of commerce.
The kids played jail in a cage that was outside. Better get used to those bars kid.
Inside was a REAL jail, the first Navajo County jail. It was friggin creepy! I went into the jail and I was totally creeped out instantly, the kids ran out screaming.
Then we saw an old-timey model of a post office. That was pretty cool also.
There were all kinds of exhibits, a real chuck wagon, a replica of a early 20th century western kitchen and living room. It was pretty neat. Even the kids, who normally couldn't care less about that sort of thing, thought it was awesome.
Being that it's Holbrook, the gateway to the petrified forest, there are dinosaurs and petrified wood and geodes and all kind of rock shops all over the place. This one was right outside the museum. I hit my head on it's scary claw. Dinos ARE dangerous!
Of course, we had to go visit the giant dinos as well.
We walked around town a bit, killing time. We happened to stroll by a house with a giant pit bull in the front yard that wanted to kill us.
Dylan screamed like he WAS getting eaten. Then he froze. I had to drag him, the baby in the stroller and his sister away from the insane barking dog. It was another block before the dog shut up and Dylan stopped screaming. I seriously thought the cops would come.
After that fun experience, we went back to the health office, paid for the certs and left. Bada bing bada boom. In and out.
On the way home I decided to go through Heber-Overgaard instead of Snowflake/Taylor. Yes, the punctuation matters.
H-O is about 40 or so miles west of Holbrook. Here is the drive between the two.
I swear this is not the same picture as before! There's just a whole lot of nada out there. Look to the left of the road, nada. Look to the right, nada!
We did come up on a pretty nice view of the rain coming up the rim.
Other than that though....nada. Nada damn thing out there.
No wonder my mom calls it the moon.
By the time we got home it was coming up on 3 pm. The actual procuring the birth certificates took a total of 10 minutes. Twenty if you count the time it took me to drive to get cash from the ATM and back.
And THAT is the joy of living in a rural county!
Tuesday, March 03, 2009
24 hours of crazy
Yesterday was a hard terrible day around here.
First of all, my dang washing machine decided to give up the ghost and die on me mid wash cycle. Let me tell you, hand-wringing out half washed clothes is F-U-N!
There were also TWO blankets in there, thank God they were small! The are hanging from the rafters of my back porch, making my house look oh so classy.
Can you imagine if I was washing a comforter or sheets at the time of the meltdown. Egad. Terrible.
After that I went online and found out that there had been a shooting at the local WalMart in the parking lot, which is so scary because I practically LIVE at that WalMart, sadly.
One person was killed, another gravely injured AND the shooter is unidentified and still on the loose.
Very, very scary.
I had a billion errands to run yesterday and drove by WalMart at least three times and each time it was scary. Yellow crime scene tape, emergency vehicles ALL over the place....a big crowd of police, fire, paramedics, witnesses...
So scary.
Even though I'm sure it would be like lightning striking twice for something to go down like that again there, I'm now totally hesitant to even GO to that WalMart! But it's not like I have a choice...eventually, I'm going to have to go back...
During all my errands, Dylan was TERRIBLE. And I was all shell-shocked and feeling weird to begin with. I sort of let him go off and be a bit crazy even though I totally wanted to put a leash on him.
He was so bad that by the time we finished everything and went to pick up Elizabeth from school I was completely fed up. As we left the school I told him that he was misbehaving so much that he was going to have to go on time out at home.
"You need to go to your room alone and have quiet time."
"No mom! Nooooo!"
"Yes, Dylan. Trust me, it's for your own protection."
"I can't like quiet time!"
Duh.
He ended up falling asleep in the car anyway, so it wasn't an issue when we eventually got home.
THIS morning we all had to wake up and scramble to get ready because the older kids had dentist appointments. This was Dylan's first time. I had previously told the doctor that he MIGHT be a problem patient as he is well, you know, himself.
Imagine my total surprise when he was a PERFECT patient for the gal cleaning his teeth. Maybe it was because she was cute. Dylan opened wide, he let the vacuum tube near his face (which is a BIG thing, he's terrified of vacuums) and he did so well during the x-rays that they got a whole series instead of just the two or three they were expecting out of him.
Yay! I was so proud. But Dylan's moment in the sun was short lived. After the dentist we went to the "Dinosaur Park" as Elizabeth calls it. We met up with some friends we haven't seen in awhile. Well, I've seen their mom but the kids haven't gotten together. Bunch of sickies and bad weather!
Dylan was great for about the first half hour. Then it was like someone flipped a switch in his brain and he was just "firsty! so firsty!" and wanted a "thoda!" and wanted to leave dinosaur park and go to the "grothery store"
He kept throwing himself face first into the sand and flailing around like a freak. And not a freak on a leash either, an unleashed freak.
It was only mildly annoying to me though since we were a) outdoors and the screams dissipated and b) noone else was really around. Christina (my friend) has two girls around the same age as my two olders, so she knew this was just a kid thing and not a reflection on my parenting skills as a whole, at least I THINK she did! ;)
Which is quite the opposite reaction I got from a old lady at Safeway just the day before. Dylan was hollering in the check out line. Not screaming, just being loud. And this lady waiting at the next checkstand WHIPPED around and glared at me as if to say with her beady old eyes "I can't believe you would take that THING into public!!"
And I hope she could read my mind because I was saying "Listen lady! Don't you think if I was ALLOWED to lock him in the trunk when I go shopping that I WOULD! But I can't it's totally not allowed at all!"
And THEN she would feel bad because her bitchy glare just made a nice regular mom think about possibly inprisoning her son in the trunk of a car just so SHE could have total silence at Safeway when she was picking up her Depends and Aqua Net. <=Total old lady cliches.
Anyway....getting back to the fits being thrown at the park...
We ended up leaving and driving back to Show Low to go to Safeway (remember, no WalMart for me) and get our groceries. With Dylan. I didn't lock him in the trunk at all. Though, man, did I regret it.
The kids MADE me get one of those STUPID carts with the car on the front. Of course, those carts don't hold as much groceries and impossible to manuever cleanly through the store. It doesn't help that they litter the aisles with all sorts of racks of products and hang things from every shelf and people apparently dead set to be jerkoffs leave their carts randomly in the canned vegetables aisle while they wander over to the in-store Starbucks and get a caramel macchiato and a biscotti for a few hours. At least that's what I ASSUME cart abandoners are doing.
Anyway...I'm pushing this big lumbering stupid looking, not enough grocery holding cart and the bread is getting all squished and the kids keep trying to jump in and out of the car and switch seats and kill each other and make me smack them in public.
Eventually I had to get down, stick my face into the car and very very quietly warn them against further misbehaving.
At which point I was already so over the shopping and so disoriented from having been wrangling kids instead of paying attention to what I was purchasing, I just went to the check out and paid for my stuff and we left.
Oh, no, wait. We couldn't leave without getting Scratchers!
"Mom! I neeeeeed scratchers"
Neither of their tickets were winners, by the way.
Then I had to go BACK to the check out to pay for the two donuts the kids ate that I forgot about and were PROBABLY the source of their insolence.
After I got the kids loaded into the car and all the groceries in I informed them that any further speaking to me or each other would be a very bad idea. A very bad idea.
And because my head spun around and steam came out of my ears and my voice was all distorted and Satanic they were quiet ALMOST until we got out of the parking lot.
First of all, my dang washing machine decided to give up the ghost and die on me mid wash cycle. Let me tell you, hand-wringing out half washed clothes is F-U-N!
There were also TWO blankets in there, thank God they were small! The are hanging from the rafters of my back porch, making my house look oh so classy.
Can you imagine if I was washing a comforter or sheets at the time of the meltdown. Egad. Terrible.
After that I went online and found out that there had been a shooting at the local WalMart in the parking lot, which is so scary because I practically LIVE at that WalMart, sadly.
One person was killed, another gravely injured AND the shooter is unidentified and still on the loose.
Very, very scary.
I had a billion errands to run yesterday and drove by WalMart at least three times and each time it was scary. Yellow crime scene tape, emergency vehicles ALL over the place....a big crowd of police, fire, paramedics, witnesses...
So scary.
Even though I'm sure it would be like lightning striking twice for something to go down like that again there, I'm now totally hesitant to even GO to that WalMart! But it's not like I have a choice...eventually, I'm going to have to go back...
During all my errands, Dylan was TERRIBLE. And I was all shell-shocked and feeling weird to begin with. I sort of let him go off and be a bit crazy even though I totally wanted to put a leash on him.
He was so bad that by the time we finished everything and went to pick up Elizabeth from school I was completely fed up. As we left the school I told him that he was misbehaving so much that he was going to have to go on time out at home.
"You need to go to your room alone and have quiet time."
"No mom! Nooooo!"
"Yes, Dylan. Trust me, it's for your own protection."
"I can't like quiet time!"
Duh.
He ended up falling asleep in the car anyway, so it wasn't an issue when we eventually got home.
THIS morning we all had to wake up and scramble to get ready because the older kids had dentist appointments. This was Dylan's first time. I had previously told the doctor that he MIGHT be a problem patient as he is well, you know, himself.
Imagine my total surprise when he was a PERFECT patient for the gal cleaning his teeth. Maybe it was because she was cute. Dylan opened wide, he let the vacuum tube near his face (which is a BIG thing, he's terrified of vacuums) and he did so well during the x-rays that they got a whole series instead of just the two or three they were expecting out of him.
Yay! I was so proud. But Dylan's moment in the sun was short lived. After the dentist we went to the "Dinosaur Park" as Elizabeth calls it. We met up with some friends we haven't seen in awhile. Well, I've seen their mom but the kids haven't gotten together. Bunch of sickies and bad weather!
Dylan was great for about the first half hour. Then it was like someone flipped a switch in his brain and he was just "firsty! so firsty!" and wanted a "thoda!" and wanted to leave dinosaur park and go to the "grothery store"
He kept throwing himself face first into the sand and flailing around like a freak. And not a freak on a leash either, an unleashed freak.
It was only mildly annoying to me though since we were a) outdoors and the screams dissipated and b) noone else was really around. Christina (my friend) has two girls around the same age as my two olders, so she knew this was just a kid thing and not a reflection on my parenting skills as a whole, at least I THINK she did! ;)
Which is quite the opposite reaction I got from a old lady at Safeway just the day before. Dylan was hollering in the check out line. Not screaming, just being loud. And this lady waiting at the next checkstand WHIPPED around and glared at me as if to say with her beady old eyes "I can't believe you would take that THING into public!!"
And I hope she could read my mind because I was saying "Listen lady! Don't you think if I was ALLOWED to lock him in the trunk when I go shopping that I WOULD! But I can't it's totally not allowed at all!"
And THEN she would feel bad because her bitchy glare just made a nice regular mom think about possibly inprisoning her son in the trunk of a car just so SHE could have total silence at Safeway when she was picking up her Depends and Aqua Net. <=Total old lady cliches.
Anyway....getting back to the fits being thrown at the park...
We ended up leaving and driving back to Show Low to go to Safeway (remember, no WalMart for me) and get our groceries. With Dylan. I didn't lock him in the trunk at all. Though, man, did I regret it.
The kids MADE me get one of those STUPID carts with the car on the front. Of course, those carts don't hold as much groceries and impossible to manuever cleanly through the store. It doesn't help that they litter the aisles with all sorts of racks of products and hang things from every shelf and people apparently dead set to be jerkoffs leave their carts randomly in the canned vegetables aisle while they wander over to the in-store Starbucks and get a caramel macchiato and a biscotti for a few hours. At least that's what I ASSUME cart abandoners are doing.
Anyway...I'm pushing this big lumbering stupid looking, not enough grocery holding cart and the bread is getting all squished and the kids keep trying to jump in and out of the car and switch seats and kill each other and make me smack them in public.
Eventually I had to get down, stick my face into the car and very very quietly warn them against further misbehaving.
At which point I was already so over the shopping and so disoriented from having been wrangling kids instead of paying attention to what I was purchasing, I just went to the check out and paid for my stuff and we left.
Oh, no, wait. We couldn't leave without getting Scratchers!
"Mom! I neeeeeed scratchers"
Neither of their tickets were winners, by the way.
Then I had to go BACK to the check out to pay for the two donuts the kids ate that I forgot about and were PROBABLY the source of their insolence.
After I got the kids loaded into the car and all the groceries in I informed them that any further speaking to me or each other would be a very bad idea. A very bad idea.
And because my head spun around and steam came out of my ears and my voice was all distorted and Satanic they were quiet ALMOST until we got out of the parking lot.
Monday, February 16, 2009
The heights of frustration
Dylan is an incredible pain in the butt.
He is three years old, and I suppose this stubborn, borderline psychotic temperment comes with the age. I hope it does because I cannot continue to parent THIS child for the next 15 years, at least not without very strong medication. For us both.
This is a typical day for Dylan, so naturally he is insane and nonsensical.
Dylan: Moooooom! I'm HUNGRY!!!
Me: You just ate cereal!
Dylan: I'M HUNGRYYYYYYY!
Me: Alright! What do you want?
Dylan: (collapsing into a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor) I can't TELL YOU!
Me: Oh geez.
Dylan: Mom!! I'm hungry for food!
Me: What kind of food?
Dylan: (more sobbing) I. Don't KNOOOOOOW!
Me: Lord, give me the strength today.
Then he ran away and apparently forgot his gut wrenching hunger for about a half hour. He returned demanding fruit snacks, but not Dora fruit snacks or Nemo fruit snacks, ONLY SPONGEBOB.
Seriously, why do they even MAKE different characters? All the flavors are the same. They all taste like way too sugary fruit punch Kool-Aid. I'm not sure why the gummy snacks come in different colors even.
Anyway...he got his SPONGEBOB snacks.
Then....he came into the room with a strange look on his face.
Me: Dylan! Did you poop your diaper?
Dylan: No! (and he runs away)
Two minutes later he came back with wipes and a container of baby powder.
Dylan: Mom! I pooped my pants! I need wipes and salt.
Me: Salt?
Dylan: Yeah, I need this salt. (hands me the powder)
Me: This is powder. For babies. You don't need it.
Dylan: I neeeeed the saaaaaalt.
Oh good grief.
He is three years old, and I suppose this stubborn, borderline psychotic temperment comes with the age. I hope it does because I cannot continue to parent THIS child for the next 15 years, at least not without very strong medication. For us both.
This is a typical day for Dylan, so naturally he is insane and nonsensical.
Dylan: Moooooom! I'm HUNGRY!!!
Me: You just ate cereal!
Dylan: I'M HUNGRYYYYYYY!
Me: Alright! What do you want?
Dylan: (collapsing into a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor) I can't TELL YOU!
Me: Oh geez.
Dylan: Mom!! I'm hungry for food!
Me: What kind of food?
Dylan: (more sobbing) I. Don't KNOOOOOOW!
Me: Lord, give me the strength today.
Then he ran away and apparently forgot his gut wrenching hunger for about a half hour. He returned demanding fruit snacks, but not Dora fruit snacks or Nemo fruit snacks, ONLY SPONGEBOB.
Seriously, why do they even MAKE different characters? All the flavors are the same. They all taste like way too sugary fruit punch Kool-Aid. I'm not sure why the gummy snacks come in different colors even.
Anyway...he got his SPONGEBOB snacks.
Then....he came into the room with a strange look on his face.
Me: Dylan! Did you poop your diaper?
Dylan: No! (and he runs away)
Two minutes later he came back with wipes and a container of baby powder.
Dylan: Mom! I pooped my pants! I need wipes and salt.
Me: Salt?
Dylan: Yeah, I need this salt. (hands me the powder)
Me: This is powder. For babies. You don't need it.
Dylan: I neeeeed the saaaaaalt.
Oh good grief.
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Ten Things I Do Not Understand....
1. Hey! Ford F-150 guy! Nice ball cap. Look. Why do you insist on inching your vehicle farther and farther into the intersection when the light is red. WHY? Eventually, that light will turn green. I swear. You don't have to trigger it by rolling your car three feet past the crosswalk line. I know, you're surprised. You thought you controlled the whole world, including traffic signals. But I can assure you sir, that you do not.
2. Texting while driving...why? Seriously. Unless you are texting the formula to a serum that will instantly cure AIDS, cancer and obesity all at once...like, wait, maybe?
IDK, May-B UR not as cool as U think. May-b, we all don't need 2 know UR thoughts the moment U have them. LOL.
3. "Non-Partisan" Nancy Pelosi. Please.
4. Guy in the Safeway parking lot with the kid who kept running into traffic. Yeah, hi. Just a tip. Put the KID in the car first! Then unload the groceries and chat with your firefighter buddies. I'm not SURE, but I think it will work.
5. Why does the baby always spit out his VERY IMPORTANT binky in the parking lot and then WHY does it always roll under a car.
AND - related question...how many pacifiers are swept up from parking lots every year...I'm thinking 2.6 million. Just extrapolating from my ONE child and how many HE has lost in this manner.
6. Why does the pharmacy take so long? Pills. Bottle. Done.
Especially for us today...when we got antibiotics. Which they make you wait an hour and half before you can pick it up, then they MIX IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Seriously. 90 minutes? That took 90 seconds. I watched you.
7. I know they are stupid chicks in the first place, obviously, but WHY in hell do the girlfriends from Tool Academy on VH-1 stay with their tool boyfriends after they get kicked out for being so tooly? Props to the ONE chick so far who bailed on her loser dude.
8. Wax Statue Museums.
9. The continuing supposed appeal of Bret Michaels.
and finally
10. Why my darling 3 year old son flat out refuses to poop in the potty. WHY GOD WHY!
2. Texting while driving...why? Seriously. Unless you are texting the formula to a serum that will instantly cure AIDS, cancer and obesity all at once...like, wait, maybe?
IDK, May-B UR not as cool as U think. May-b, we all don't need 2 know UR thoughts the moment U have them. LOL.
3. "Non-Partisan" Nancy Pelosi. Please.
4. Guy in the Safeway parking lot with the kid who kept running into traffic. Yeah, hi. Just a tip. Put the KID in the car first! Then unload the groceries and chat with your firefighter buddies. I'm not SURE, but I think it will work.
5. Why does the baby always spit out his VERY IMPORTANT binky in the parking lot and then WHY does it always roll under a car.
AND - related question...how many pacifiers are swept up from parking lots every year...I'm thinking 2.6 million. Just extrapolating from my ONE child and how many HE has lost in this manner.
6. Why does the pharmacy take so long? Pills. Bottle. Done.
Especially for us today...when we got antibiotics. Which they make you wait an hour and half before you can pick it up, then they MIX IT RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOU. Seriously. 90 minutes? That took 90 seconds. I watched you.
7. I know they are stupid chicks in the first place, obviously, but WHY in hell do the girlfriends from Tool Academy on VH-1 stay with their tool boyfriends after they get kicked out for being so tooly? Props to the ONE chick so far who bailed on her loser dude.
8. Wax Statue Museums.
9. The continuing supposed appeal of Bret Michaels.
and finally
10. Why my darling 3 year old son flat out refuses to poop in the potty. WHY GOD WHY!
Tuesday, January 27, 2009
The scene at my house last night....
Now, it's funny...last night, not so much.
So I'm rinsing dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. Bob comes up behind me and peeks into the dishwasher and shakes his head.
"What?" I said. "Are you inspecting my work?"
"No, there's just food all over those dishes," he said. "And I'm not going to fix the dishwasher again when it breaks from getting clogged up."
"I rinsed EVERYTHING in there! There's no chunks of food!" I said, totally and completely calmly.
"Uh, yeah there is," Bob said.
"Well FINE! If you're going to be checking up on my work, and criticizing the way I rinse dishes, you can DO THEM YOURSELF!" I said, and threw the dish brush into the sink and huffed away.
"Fine I will!" he said.
"Great! I hate doing dishes anyway!" I said. "It's not like I get an allowance for it and you need to be checking up on whether I did it or not! Gah!"
Then he proceeded to take out EVERY single dish, glass, cup, spoon, fork and knife and RE-rinse them and RE-load the dishwasher and run it.
Why? Why????
See, this is the dark underbelly of having the man around the house suddenly decide he likes to clean. It's all fine and good, until he starts white-gloving everything I clean. Grr.
So I'm rinsing dishes and putting them into the dishwasher. Bob comes up behind me and peeks into the dishwasher and shakes his head.
"What?" I said. "Are you inspecting my work?"
"No, there's just food all over those dishes," he said. "And I'm not going to fix the dishwasher again when it breaks from getting clogged up."
"I rinsed EVERYTHING in there! There's no chunks of food!" I said, totally and completely calmly.
"Uh, yeah there is," Bob said.
"Well FINE! If you're going to be checking up on my work, and criticizing the way I rinse dishes, you can DO THEM YOURSELF!" I said, and threw the dish brush into the sink and huffed away.
"Fine I will!" he said.
"Great! I hate doing dishes anyway!" I said. "It's not like I get an allowance for it and you need to be checking up on whether I did it or not! Gah!"
Then he proceeded to take out EVERY single dish, glass, cup, spoon, fork and knife and RE-rinse them and RE-load the dishwasher and run it.
Why? Why????
See, this is the dark underbelly of having the man around the house suddenly decide he likes to clean. It's all fine and good, until he starts white-gloving everything I clean. Grr.
Saturday, January 17, 2009
Gah! Enough already!
I've got a headache from all the bickering going on around here. The kids bickering, the hubs and I bickering....tension is running high in the house lately. I don't know WHAT is causing it, but I've had it.
It just seems like everyone is extra prickly this week, myself included. I wish we could all just simmer down.
On the up side, Bob took the big kids to the store to get cat food and Ben has laid down for a nap.
Ahhhhh, uninterrupted workout time! Yes, that's right, I'm going to channel my frustrations into a good workout instead of snuggling up with some comfort food. Yay me!
This morning I saw a commercial for Hidden Valley Ranch, the one where the ice cream trucks are converted to veggie trucks but everything is like dunked in ranch. At the end there is a shot of someone pouring like half a bottle of ranch over a salad and it actually made me sick. Progress.
Off to hit the workout now!
It just seems like everyone is extra prickly this week, myself included. I wish we could all just simmer down.
On the up side, Bob took the big kids to the store to get cat food and Ben has laid down for a nap.
Ahhhhh, uninterrupted workout time! Yes, that's right, I'm going to channel my frustrations into a good workout instead of snuggling up with some comfort food. Yay me!
This morning I saw a commercial for Hidden Valley Ranch, the one where the ice cream trucks are converted to veggie trucks but everything is like dunked in ranch. At the end there is a shot of someone pouring like half a bottle of ranch over a salad and it actually made me sick. Progress.
Off to hit the workout now!
Thursday, January 15, 2009
Good day, bad day....same day
I have high hopes for Dylan yet...even after his stellar performance today at Elizabeth's classroom.
We go in to drop her off. Dylan insists that we stay for lunch, even though he and I both know that he's not going to eat the food they serve and will instead raise a ruckus.
I reluctantly agree.
It was a terrible mistake on my part.
Before lunchtime the kids all play for awhile and get settled into the class routine. As I sat at the little lunch table with Benjamin, Dylan was playing with the other kids.
Suddenly I hear a kid cry out "That kid did this!" and make a choking gesture around his throat.
Oy vey. I know it's my kid.
The teacher asks, "who did that?"
"That little guy!"
So, I round up the little guy, aka Dylan, and we start to leave. He throws himself on the floor. I pick him up (still holding Ben) and we leave.
He's hysterical as I explain to him that it's NOT OK to choke your friends and you can't hurt your friends and then stay and have lunch with the kids. It's just not done.
He was just wailing about lunch and not listening to me at all.
By the time we got home, he was totally zonked. Dead asleep.
He slept in the car for about 45 minutes, then woke up crying and came inside, crying, and I asked him if he wanted to take a bath and he cried and said "yesssss"
But before that, I put him up on the potty and told him to pee. He cried and said he couldn't, but then MIRACLE OF MIRACLES!!! He did!!!!
I was overjoyed! I congratulated him and he stopped crying for 2.4 seconds. Then I put him in the tub where he cried for 15 minutes instead of getting washed up. Sigh.
Good day, bad day....
Bad day, good day....
We go in to drop her off. Dylan insists that we stay for lunch, even though he and I both know that he's not going to eat the food they serve and will instead raise a ruckus.
I reluctantly agree.
It was a terrible mistake on my part.
Before lunchtime the kids all play for awhile and get settled into the class routine. As I sat at the little lunch table with Benjamin, Dylan was playing with the other kids.
Suddenly I hear a kid cry out "That kid did this!" and make a choking gesture around his throat.
Oy vey. I know it's my kid.
The teacher asks, "who did that?"
"That little guy!"
So, I round up the little guy, aka Dylan, and we start to leave. He throws himself on the floor. I pick him up (still holding Ben) and we leave.
He's hysterical as I explain to him that it's NOT OK to choke your friends and you can't hurt your friends and then stay and have lunch with the kids. It's just not done.
He was just wailing about lunch and not listening to me at all.
By the time we got home, he was totally zonked. Dead asleep.
He slept in the car for about 45 minutes, then woke up crying and came inside, crying, and I asked him if he wanted to take a bath and he cried and said "yesssss"
But before that, I put him up on the potty and told him to pee. He cried and said he couldn't, but then MIRACLE OF MIRACLES!!! He did!!!!
I was overjoyed! I congratulated him and he stopped crying for 2.4 seconds. Then I put him in the tub where he cried for 15 minutes instead of getting washed up. Sigh.
Good day, bad day....
Bad day, good day....
Monday, January 12, 2009
My husband wants to keep me fat
He seriously does.
He just made a big batch of french toast and bacon and when I told him I would not be eating any, he said "Why not?"
"I already ate my breakfast, and I'm on a diet!"
"You don't need to be on a diet. You're already sexy."
"No, I'm not. I'm fat!"
Then he grabbed my big butt and declared it sexy and not to be changed.
Oh well. He's gonna have to be sad. The butt has to be reduced!
He just made a big batch of french toast and bacon and when I told him I would not be eating any, he said "Why not?"
"I already ate my breakfast, and I'm on a diet!"
"You don't need to be on a diet. You're already sexy."
"No, I'm not. I'm fat!"
Then he grabbed my big butt and declared it sexy and not to be changed.
Oh well. He's gonna have to be sad. The butt has to be reduced!
Friday, January 02, 2009
Unforeseen
Elizabeth was born with a ventricular septal defect...it was small, and apparently a pretty common birth defect. She got checked out by the cardiologist and we were advised to just keep a trained eye on that VSD and it would probably close on its own.
And it did. She's never had a moments trouble from that VSD.
She was born with another apparently relatively common birth defect too. Elizabeth has a cup ear.
Basically, the little triangular-ish flap of cartilage that is supposed to be standing in front of her ear hole is instead squished up against it. When she was born the nurses and doctors thought it was probably just swollen tissue from being all cramped up in the womb. But the ear never popped out the way it's supposed to have done.
Looking at her, you'd never know. She doesn't look like a freak or anything. It's just a little funny anomaly. It doesn't affect her hearing or anything. It's never been a problem at all....
Until Christmas.
My mom bought each of the big kids their own portable CD players. When Elizabeth got hers out and tried to put in the earbuds...one just wouldn't stay in her ear. The one on the side of what we call her "Crazy Ear"
Oh, my heart broke!
Not because she's not able to jam a tiny speaker into her ear, because most likely her ear will eventually grow bigger and she will be able to pollute her brain with whatever garbage music kids listen to in 2017 and wear those stupid Bluetooth headsets that make EVERYONE look douchey.
My heart was breaking because she just couldn't understand why her headphones wouldn't work. I told her to just hold it up to her ear, but she decided she'd rather share with her brother. So they sat next to each other on Dylan's bed and listened to her music. One ear bud in Elizabeth's non-crazy ear and one in Dylan's ear.
It was so precious.
I told her I'd figure out a way that she could wear both ear buds...but now I can't think of anything!
Suggestions?
ps: see in the pic how the middle of her ear and the little flap of skin closest to her cheek are sort of flat???
Saturday, December 27, 2008
The Holiday Haze
Things are happening around here, but I've been so freaking busy lately!
We hosted the Christmas Eve gift exchange. We set the arrival time for noon. Noone showed up until almost 2 pm, which was fine since we scheduled the turkey to come out of the oven at 3. All those hungry people pounced on the food as soon as it was ready, so yeah, maybe making everyone wait three hours for food would have been a bad idea!
We also had shrimp enchiladas since my mom doesn't eat meat on Christmas Eve, the last vestige of her otherwise long abandoned Catholicism.
PS: The enchiladas were a hit, by the way.
The gift exchange was delayed CONSIDERABLY since my father in law didn't show up until past 6 pm....grr. It was annoying but ended up not mattering, though everyone didn't leave until after 9 pm and by then I was so tired....
Anyway...
The kids each got great presents which they haven't stopped playing with since Christmas Eve. Naturally, they are each enraptured with the others' toys, particularly the baby toys. They're just so darn cheery and colorful!
So that's the quick update!
Merry Christmas!
We hosted the Christmas Eve gift exchange. We set the arrival time for noon. Noone showed up until almost 2 pm, which was fine since we scheduled the turkey to come out of the oven at 3. All those hungry people pounced on the food as soon as it was ready, so yeah, maybe making everyone wait three hours for food would have been a bad idea!
We also had shrimp enchiladas since my mom doesn't eat meat on Christmas Eve, the last vestige of her otherwise long abandoned Catholicism.
PS: The enchiladas were a hit, by the way.
The gift exchange was delayed CONSIDERABLY since my father in law didn't show up until past 6 pm....grr. It was annoying but ended up not mattering, though everyone didn't leave until after 9 pm and by then I was so tired....
Anyway...
The kids each got great presents which they haven't stopped playing with since Christmas Eve. Naturally, they are each enraptured with the others' toys, particularly the baby toys. They're just so darn cheery and colorful!
So that's the quick update!
Merry Christmas!
Monday, December 01, 2008
It's all happening so fast now!
Thanksgiving was a major headache. Major. Headache.
I may have mentioned before that we were going to my father in law's for the holiday. He lives waaaay out in the middle of nowhere. Literally. You turn off a tiny two lane highway and drive down about 4 miles of crazy, unmaintained dirt roads to get to his house, which is in the middle of freaking NOWHERE! You can see miles and miles of nothing from his house. Seriously.
I should have snapped pics to better show the isolation/desolation but I was too traumatized from the trip out there.
We left our house at 9:30 am. It was raining and cold. I took the kids in my car, Bob drove his truck so he could bring a load of firewood to his dad. This was NOT how I planned to go out there since a) the weather was crappy and b) I have NO idea how to get to his dad's house. At all. So before we even left the house, I was in a foul mood. Oh ha! get it, a "fowl" mood. Ha ha. No seriously. I was pissed.
Then Bob had to stop and pick up Cool Whip because his sister forgot to get it. Fine, whatever. We had already pre-arranged to meet up with his sister and her family at the gas station and caravan out to the middle of nowhere. So I drove ahead to the meeting place and Bob bought the Cool Whip at Safeway.
Once I parked the car at the gas station it started to snow. Big flakes of sticky snow. Great. Now I was going to drive my car in snowy weather to a place I didn't know how to get there in the middle of nowhere. I am not a great snow driver. I am not a good snow driver. I would rate my snow driving skills as poor to fair, and that's if it is NOT sticking. If the snow is sticking...I rate, well, what is the rating for "I drive off the road"? I think it's "dangerously poor".
Bob showed up and we talked to each other via cellphone, since it was butt cold outside and I wasn't leaving my vehicle. We calmly discussed the weather situation and came to the mutual decision that he would leave his truck at the gas station and drive my car out there.
Ahem.
Which is to say that I cried until I wore him down and got my way, for him to drive us out there which is what I TOLD HIM I wanted in the FIRST PLACE! Sigh.
Anyway, during our lovely discussion, we were waiting at the gas station for his sister to show up for about 45 minutes. Who knows what took her so long since she lives about 10 minutes away. It was freezing cold.
Once we decided that Bob would drive, and it had been 45 minutes of sitting there, we just left and drove through what was now blizzardy snow and very crappy visibility. Ugh. It was not fun.
We parked our car at the beginning of the horrible dirt road to nowhere and loaded up into Bob's sister's Suburban for the rest of the journey. Oh my hell. It was rough. The dirt road was now a mud road and even the Suburban filled with people slid all over the road. Very scary.
We finally made it out there and dinner was good and the desserts were better and nothing really of note occurred while we were there.
Except that the Suburban broke.
Something about a pumpkin and a gearcase and a "big flippin' hole" I don't know. Maybe a car person could explain this better...All I knew was that the Suburban wouldn't go and we were stuck 4 miles from our car and it was freezing cold and pitch black. Sigh.
We ended up borrowing my father in law's 4-wheel drive truck to drive out to the car, which was even a worse journey than the drive out there, mostly since it was pitch freaking black! My sister in law and her husband drove that truck home since their truck was parked back at the house, damaged.
It rained the whole way back to the gas station where Bob picked up his truck and I drove the rest of the way home in the rain. Thank goodness it didn't switch back to snow...see above "dangerously poor" snow driving rating.
Dylan and Benjamin both went to bed in their winter coats. We didn't want to risk waking them. Dylan later came into our bedroom in the coat saying how he didn't like "these 'jamas!" It was pretty funny.
For the rest of the weekend we concentrated on Christmas. Bob hauled out all the lights and decorations and our fake tree and he and the kids did a great job of setting everything up. I gotta say, I'm not that enthused for Christmas this year. Maybe it's the economy, maybe I'm just tired.
I'll have to muster up some excitement though, since it's Ben's first Christmas.
My mom arrives in three weeks, which will help with the holiday cheer. By which I mean, she's probably bringing brandy and egg nog.
I may have mentioned before that we were going to my father in law's for the holiday. He lives waaaay out in the middle of nowhere. Literally. You turn off a tiny two lane highway and drive down about 4 miles of crazy, unmaintained dirt roads to get to his house, which is in the middle of freaking NOWHERE! You can see miles and miles of nothing from his house. Seriously.
I should have snapped pics to better show the isolation/desolation but I was too traumatized from the trip out there.
We left our house at 9:30 am. It was raining and cold. I took the kids in my car, Bob drove his truck so he could bring a load of firewood to his dad. This was NOT how I planned to go out there since a) the weather was crappy and b) I have NO idea how to get to his dad's house. At all. So before we even left the house, I was in a foul mood. Oh ha! get it, a "fowl" mood. Ha ha. No seriously. I was pissed.
Then Bob had to stop and pick up Cool Whip because his sister forgot to get it. Fine, whatever. We had already pre-arranged to meet up with his sister and her family at the gas station and caravan out to the middle of nowhere. So I drove ahead to the meeting place and Bob bought the Cool Whip at Safeway.
Once I parked the car at the gas station it started to snow. Big flakes of sticky snow. Great. Now I was going to drive my car in snowy weather to a place I didn't know how to get there in the middle of nowhere. I am not a great snow driver. I am not a good snow driver. I would rate my snow driving skills as poor to fair, and that's if it is NOT sticking. If the snow is sticking...I rate, well, what is the rating for "I drive off the road"? I think it's "dangerously poor".
Bob showed up and we talked to each other via cellphone, since it was butt cold outside and I wasn't leaving my vehicle. We calmly discussed the weather situation and came to the mutual decision that he would leave his truck at the gas station and drive my car out there.
Ahem.
Which is to say that I cried until I wore him down and got my way, for him to drive us out there which is what I TOLD HIM I wanted in the FIRST PLACE! Sigh.
Anyway, during our lovely discussion, we were waiting at the gas station for his sister to show up for about 45 minutes. Who knows what took her so long since she lives about 10 minutes away. It was freezing cold.
Once we decided that Bob would drive, and it had been 45 minutes of sitting there, we just left and drove through what was now blizzardy snow and very crappy visibility. Ugh. It was not fun.
We parked our car at the beginning of the horrible dirt road to nowhere and loaded up into Bob's sister's Suburban for the rest of the journey. Oh my hell. It was rough. The dirt road was now a mud road and even the Suburban filled with people slid all over the road. Very scary.
We finally made it out there and dinner was good and the desserts were better and nothing really of note occurred while we were there.
Except that the Suburban broke.
Something about a pumpkin and a gearcase and a "big flippin' hole" I don't know. Maybe a car person could explain this better...All I knew was that the Suburban wouldn't go and we were stuck 4 miles from our car and it was freezing cold and pitch black. Sigh.
We ended up borrowing my father in law's 4-wheel drive truck to drive out to the car, which was even a worse journey than the drive out there, mostly since it was pitch freaking black! My sister in law and her husband drove that truck home since their truck was parked back at the house, damaged.
It rained the whole way back to the gas station where Bob picked up his truck and I drove the rest of the way home in the rain. Thank goodness it didn't switch back to snow...see above "dangerously poor" snow driving rating.
Dylan and Benjamin both went to bed in their winter coats. We didn't want to risk waking them. Dylan later came into our bedroom in the coat saying how he didn't like "these 'jamas!" It was pretty funny.
For the rest of the weekend we concentrated on Christmas. Bob hauled out all the lights and decorations and our fake tree and he and the kids did a great job of setting everything up. I gotta say, I'm not that enthused for Christmas this year. Maybe it's the economy, maybe I'm just tired.
I'll have to muster up some excitement though, since it's Ben's first Christmas.
My mom arrives in three weeks, which will help with the holiday cheer. By which I mean, she's probably bringing brandy and egg nog.
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
Feast gone awry
Elizabeth's class had a Thanksgiving feast lunch yesterday. I brought the boys of course, and immediately knew there would be a problem.
As soon as we stepped into the class, Dylan refused to follow directions. He wouldn't join the children in the music and movement circle. He insisted on playing with loud toys while the kids did their activities and he was just generally a pain in the rump.
Finally, it was time to sit down to lunch and I was already frustrated and exhausted. Ben sat on my lap and kept grabbing my plate, threatening to spill it. Dylan sat next to me and shredded up two dinner rolls before announcing that he "can't like that" and jumping up from the table and running away.
Then he ran circles around the whole class while everyone else (even the bad kid) sat and ate their lunches.
After about two minutes of that I was done and I scooped up Dylan and we left the class and the feast behind.
I got him out to the car where he started crying hysterically. Sobbing and whining. He was doing that cry where you are crying so much you can't catch your breath and everything you say is one word at a time, all sloppy with crying.
I asked him "What is the matter? Why are you acting up?"
He said. "I. Want. To. Talk. To. Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyy!!!"
Ugh. I called Bob on the phone and Dylan either locked up completely or wailed in his ear. I hung up the phone. Dylan wailed again.
I had TONS of errands to run, so I called my sister in law and she offered to watch Dylan that afternoon. THANK GOD!
As I drove away from the school and toward my salvation, Dylan fell asleep. Of COURSE he was tired! He just burned up 3000 calories screaming and crying and running around sobbing.
Horrible.
When I went back to pick him up, about 2.5 hours later, he was naked from the waist down and wearing his cousins oversized T-shirt.
"What happened?" I asked without really being sure that I wanted to know the answer!
My sister in law told me this story...
"We went to the electric company to pay the bill and visit my dad," she said...meaning my father in law who works there, of course. "While we were there, Dylan peed on a chair."
"WHAT?!"
Apparently, he peed so much that he peed right through his pull up and his pants and all over a chair.
Nice.
Real nice.
Luckily I had just bought a package of pull ups to keep at my sister in laws house just in case of this sort of thing, so he was covered. Literally.
As soon as we stepped into the class, Dylan refused to follow directions. He wouldn't join the children in the music and movement circle. He insisted on playing with loud toys while the kids did their activities and he was just generally a pain in the rump.
Finally, it was time to sit down to lunch and I was already frustrated and exhausted. Ben sat on my lap and kept grabbing my plate, threatening to spill it. Dylan sat next to me and shredded up two dinner rolls before announcing that he "can't like that" and jumping up from the table and running away.
Then he ran circles around the whole class while everyone else (even the bad kid) sat and ate their lunches.
After about two minutes of that I was done and I scooped up Dylan and we left the class and the feast behind.
I got him out to the car where he started crying hysterically. Sobbing and whining. He was doing that cry where you are crying so much you can't catch your breath and everything you say is one word at a time, all sloppy with crying.
I asked him "What is the matter? Why are you acting up?"
He said. "I. Want. To. Talk. To. Daaaaaadddddyyyyyyy!!!"
Ugh. I called Bob on the phone and Dylan either locked up completely or wailed in his ear. I hung up the phone. Dylan wailed again.
I had TONS of errands to run, so I called my sister in law and she offered to watch Dylan that afternoon. THANK GOD!
As I drove away from the school and toward my salvation, Dylan fell asleep. Of COURSE he was tired! He just burned up 3000 calories screaming and crying and running around sobbing.
Horrible.
When I went back to pick him up, about 2.5 hours later, he was naked from the waist down and wearing his cousins oversized T-shirt.
"What happened?" I asked without really being sure that I wanted to know the answer!
My sister in law told me this story...
"We went to the electric company to pay the bill and visit my dad," she said...meaning my father in law who works there, of course. "While we were there, Dylan peed on a chair."
"WHAT?!"
Apparently, he peed so much that he peed right through his pull up and his pants and all over a chair.
Nice.
Real nice.
Luckily I had just bought a package of pull ups to keep at my sister in laws house just in case of this sort of thing, so he was covered. Literally.
Thursday, November 13, 2008
What a day!
We had another awesome day yesterday...
I woke up at 8 am and all three kids were in the baby's crib. Don't ask. They weren't pinching him or laying on him, and it was cute enough. Though I did tell them that they PROBABLY shouldn't get into the crib with the baby anymore. And I didn't take a picture because I've found that encourages them to further misbehave...yeah, that's what does it, the photographic evidence of their prior bad acts.
After breakfast I did some work on the computer while the big kids played "Customer" out Elizabeth's bedroom window and the baby napped.
"Customer" works like this. Elizabeth stands inside her room and opens the window. She has no screen. It's lovely.
Dylan goes out onto the front deck and "stands in line" at the open window like a customer. Then he orders chicken nuggets and coffee. She hands him a toy from her room. He says thank you, she says have a nice day. Then they switch places.
It's quite funny.
That went on for a good hour. Ah to be so young and so easily entertained!
It's been cold here lately, high 40s during the day, so it took about an hour to find all the winter accoutrements for the kids' outfits and another half hour to find matching socks for everyone. Curse you runaway socks! Everyone is getting socks for Christmas, all the same size and all white. Then ALL the socks will match!
Finally we got into the car and headed to Elizabeth's school, late, as usual.
The boys fell asleep on the way so I ran inside without them to sign Elizabeth into class. It was like two minutes. They were fine. Don't panic.
I had a lunch "date" with some gals from my old job and some of their kids at the very exclusive and fancy McDonalds Playland. Oh yeah. I roll like that.
By the time we got there, Dylan had sweated so much sleeping in his winter coat that his hair was all wet and plastered to his head. Very nice look. He ate about 1.5 chicken nuggets, leaving the other 2.5 to be nibbled up by my pregnant friend Mandi. Preggo girls do NOT waste food.
We were at the playland for about an hour and a halfburning off the pound of Hershey Kisses that Dylan stole from the candy bowl that morning running around and playing.
Then the boys and I were off to WalMart where I shopped like a lightning bolt, then waited in an interminable line. Sigh.
I had to beg the cashier lady to let me get my WIC items without my WIC folder. Anyone who has ever been on WIC knows what I mean. They are militant about that folder! Even though I had my ID and my WIC checks with MY name on them, she was like, "I'm not supposed to do this, I have to verify your signature."
I'm like DUDE, it's ME! How would I find WIC checks with my exact name on them and then steal them? It's improbable at best.
What I actually said was "Please please I need that milk and eggs! Oh please! I'll never tell!"
And she saw my pathetic begging and took pity.
After that I called my sister in law to check on my niece who had her tonsils out that morning. She was doing fine, eating yogurt.
I also texted my brother in law who had his OWN tonsils out that same morning. More on that later.
Then we went to have snack with Elizabeth's class. Here's where it gets, eh, interesting.
I'm standing there holding the baby while Dylan runs around and plays with the kids, totally normal. Then ONE of the kids in her class, the bad one who shall not be named, had some trouble making good choices right in front of my eyes.
First he laid on a kid and kicked him in the armpit.
I said "Hey 'Bad Kid' I don't think he likes that, you need to get off of him" but I WANTED to say "What the hell is the matter with you!??"
Elizabeth's little friend told me "He's really really bad. Don't talk to him. Just ignore him. He's a bad kid. You shouldn't talk to him."
I thought it was sweet that she was trying to protect me from the little bastard. Actually, I think his parents ARE married. But that's neither here nor there.
After snack was finished, The Bad Kid walked up to Elizabeth and just pushed her down. For no reason. She spilled her cup of water all over and started to cry.
So I grabbed the kid by the shirt and tossed him out the window.
No.
I said. "Hey BAD KID! That is NOT NICE! She doesn't like to be pushed down."
And in response, he looked straight at me and arm barred another little girl right behind him. Just slammed his arm right into her throat.
Then the teacher grabbed him up by the shirt and threw him out the window.
No.
But she did grab him and make him sit in her lap while she held him.
What a little freak!
There's a parents meeting tonight and I think I'm going to have to say something about this kid. I mean, how much out of control violent behavior do all the other kids have to endure before someone gets this kid out of this class? Clearly he doesn't function well in the school environment.
I feel bad for his parents, but dang, this kid is a nuisance, a distraction and frankly a danger to the other children. I'm just not sure that there's much the school can do about it.
Do schools HAVE to letviolent little bastards kids who have trouble making good choices stay in class?
I don't know.
So, after that we left and my sister in law called me to tell me that her brother (who I previously mentioned had just gotten his tonsils out) was not waking up from his anesthesia and was in the ICU at the hospital. Holy crap!
I called Bob and told him to go visit his brother.
He did and reported back that yes, he was still asleep (about five hours post surgery) but the doctors said that sometimes people with sleep apnea sleep for-freaking-ever after surgery. Hmm. Interesting fact.
After Bob got home I told him about the Bad Kid pushing Elizabeth down. He got a very serious look on his face and said "I'm gonna kick that kid!"
Instead of child abuse though, we agreed that we would have to speak to the teachers about this. I know they're exasperated with this kid too, so...it's not like they aren't aware.
Then I made dinner, a lovely recipe for Tomato-Apple Chicken which is delicious. Bob opened the pan and said "Are those apples?"
"Yes."
"Apples and chicken?"
"Oh SORRY! I'll just make frozen burritos and pizza from now on!" I said, totally NOT overreacting!
"I just won't eat the apples."
Then I pouted for about an hour. It was hard work.
Then I did my football picks (AMY!) then we all got ready for bed.
We got updates from my brother in law's wife from time to time last night, basically that he was still sleeping but doing fine. This morning at 7:30 he called here himself to say that he had finally woken up at 9 pm last night, about 10 hours after surgery, and was being discharged this morning. Phew!
He said he was feeling good, but yikes! That was a bit scary for us!
Hopefully today will be less exciting!
I woke up at 8 am and all three kids were in the baby's crib. Don't ask. They weren't pinching him or laying on him, and it was cute enough. Though I did tell them that they PROBABLY shouldn't get into the crib with the baby anymore. And I didn't take a picture because I've found that encourages them to further misbehave...yeah, that's what does it, the photographic evidence of their prior bad acts.
After breakfast I did some work on the computer while the big kids played "Customer" out Elizabeth's bedroom window and the baby napped.
"Customer" works like this. Elizabeth stands inside her room and opens the window. She has no screen. It's lovely.
Dylan goes out onto the front deck and "stands in line" at the open window like a customer. Then he orders chicken nuggets and coffee. She hands him a toy from her room. He says thank you, she says have a nice day. Then they switch places.
It's quite funny.
That went on for a good hour. Ah to be so young and so easily entertained!
It's been cold here lately, high 40s during the day, so it took about an hour to find all the winter accoutrements for the kids' outfits and another half hour to find matching socks for everyone. Curse you runaway socks! Everyone is getting socks for Christmas, all the same size and all white. Then ALL the socks will match!
Finally we got into the car and headed to Elizabeth's school, late, as usual.
The boys fell asleep on the way so I ran inside without them to sign Elizabeth into class. It was like two minutes. They were fine. Don't panic.
I had a lunch "date" with some gals from my old job and some of their kids at the very exclusive and fancy McDonalds Playland. Oh yeah. I roll like that.
By the time we got there, Dylan had sweated so much sleeping in his winter coat that his hair was all wet and plastered to his head. Very nice look. He ate about 1.5 chicken nuggets, leaving the other 2.5 to be nibbled up by my pregnant friend Mandi. Preggo girls do NOT waste food.
We were at the playland for about an hour and a half
Then the boys and I were off to WalMart where I shopped like a lightning bolt, then waited in an interminable line. Sigh.
I had to beg the cashier lady to let me get my WIC items without my WIC folder. Anyone who has ever been on WIC knows what I mean. They are militant about that folder! Even though I had my ID and my WIC checks with MY name on them, she was like, "I'm not supposed to do this, I have to verify your signature."
I'm like DUDE, it's ME! How would I find WIC checks with my exact name on them and then steal them? It's improbable at best.
What I actually said was "Please please I need that milk and eggs! Oh please! I'll never tell!"
And she saw my pathetic begging and took pity.
After that I called my sister in law to check on my niece who had her tonsils out that morning. She was doing fine, eating yogurt.
I also texted my brother in law who had his OWN tonsils out that same morning. More on that later.
Then we went to have snack with Elizabeth's class. Here's where it gets, eh, interesting.
I'm standing there holding the baby while Dylan runs around and plays with the kids, totally normal. Then ONE of the kids in her class, the bad one who shall not be named, had some trouble making good choices right in front of my eyes.
First he laid on a kid and kicked him in the armpit.
I said "Hey 'Bad Kid' I don't think he likes that, you need to get off of him" but I WANTED to say "What the hell is the matter with you!??"
Elizabeth's little friend told me "He's really really bad. Don't talk to him. Just ignore him. He's a bad kid. You shouldn't talk to him."
I thought it was sweet that she was trying to protect me from the little bastard. Actually, I think his parents ARE married. But that's neither here nor there.
After snack was finished, The Bad Kid walked up to Elizabeth and just pushed her down. For no reason. She spilled her cup of water all over and started to cry.
So I grabbed the kid by the shirt and tossed him out the window.
No.
I said. "Hey BAD KID! That is NOT NICE! She doesn't like to be pushed down."
And in response, he looked straight at me and arm barred another little girl right behind him. Just slammed his arm right into her throat.
Then the teacher grabbed him up by the shirt and threw him out the window.
No.
But she did grab him and make him sit in her lap while she held him.
What a little freak!
There's a parents meeting tonight and I think I'm going to have to say something about this kid. I mean, how much out of control violent behavior do all the other kids have to endure before someone gets this kid out of this class? Clearly he doesn't function well in the school environment.
I feel bad for his parents, but dang, this kid is a nuisance, a distraction and frankly a danger to the other children. I'm just not sure that there's much the school can do about it.
Do schools HAVE to let
I don't know.
So, after that we left and my sister in law called me to tell me that her brother (who I previously mentioned had just gotten his tonsils out) was not waking up from his anesthesia and was in the ICU at the hospital. Holy crap!
I called Bob and told him to go visit his brother.
He did and reported back that yes, he was still asleep (about five hours post surgery) but the doctors said that sometimes people with sleep apnea sleep for-freaking-ever after surgery. Hmm. Interesting fact.
After Bob got home I told him about the Bad Kid pushing Elizabeth down. He got a very serious look on his face and said "I'm gonna kick that kid!"
Instead of child abuse though, we agreed that we would have to speak to the teachers about this. I know they're exasperated with this kid too, so...it's not like they aren't aware.
Then I made dinner, a lovely recipe for Tomato-Apple Chicken which is delicious. Bob opened the pan and said "Are those apples?"
"Yes."
"Apples and chicken?"
"Oh SORRY! I'll just make frozen burritos and pizza from now on!" I said, totally NOT overreacting!
"I just won't eat the apples."
Then I pouted for about an hour. It was hard work.
Then I did my football picks (AMY!) then we all got ready for bed.
We got updates from my brother in law's wife from time to time last night, basically that he was still sleeping but doing fine. This morning at 7:30 he called here himself to say that he had finally woken up at 9 pm last night, about 10 hours after surgery, and was being discharged this morning. Phew!
He said he was feeling good, but yikes! That was a bit scary for us!
Hopefully today will be less exciting!
Monday, November 10, 2008
Feeling funky
I haven't been posting a lot lately. I've been sort of in the dumps moodwise.
It's probably the combination of the changing seasons, sick kids, sleep deprivation, money troubles and my usual malaise.
Whatever it is, it's getting worse.
Lately I'm having trouble sleeping at all at night. Not just because the baby STILL wakes up two or three times, but also because I just can't fall asleep or stay asleep. My old friend insomnia.
I tried taking over the counter sleep aids, but they don't work fast enough so I lay there not sleeping, trying to sleep, wondering why I'm not sleeping, thinking about all the things I have to do the next day, trying to forget about all the things I have to do and the sleeplessness multiplies with every thought I have...it's quite annoying.
Probably because of that I'm super irritable all day, well, partially the no sleep thing and partially because the kids are making me nutso.
Elizabeth keeps on trashing her closet and her room even after I clean it up perfectly and reprimand her for her pigginess and make her swear she'll never ever EVER do it again. A few days later all her clothes are on the floor of her closet again....sigh.
I give up.
Bob went in and cleaned out Dylan's room yesterday. He even shampooed the nasty nasty carpet, which is about to get ripped out next spring I think. I actually told my mom to buy Dylan a floor for Christmas.
Maybe I AM ruining Christmas.
So yeah, there's that...
And Benjamin ugh, he's lucky he's cute. He's a terrible sleeper. Won't stay asleep at night, he just wants to get into bed with mom and cuddle, which is cute, but makes it additionally hard for me to sleep.
I'm seriously considering going to the doctor and getting put back on the crazy meds...and Ambien or something like that...it's most likely the best thing for everyone if I don't go completely insane or get totally depressed.
Right?
It's probably the combination of the changing seasons, sick kids, sleep deprivation, money troubles and my usual malaise.
Whatever it is, it's getting worse.
Lately I'm having trouble sleeping at all at night. Not just because the baby STILL wakes up two or three times, but also because I just can't fall asleep or stay asleep. My old friend insomnia.
I tried taking over the counter sleep aids, but they don't work fast enough so I lay there not sleeping, trying to sleep, wondering why I'm not sleeping, thinking about all the things I have to do the next day, trying to forget about all the things I have to do and the sleeplessness multiplies with every thought I have...it's quite annoying.
Probably because of that I'm super irritable all day, well, partially the no sleep thing and partially because the kids are making me nutso.
Elizabeth keeps on trashing her closet and her room even after I clean it up perfectly and reprimand her for her pigginess and make her swear she'll never ever EVER do it again. A few days later all her clothes are on the floor of her closet again....sigh.
I give up.
Bob went in and cleaned out Dylan's room yesterday. He even shampooed the nasty nasty carpet, which is about to get ripped out next spring I think. I actually told my mom to buy Dylan a floor for Christmas.
Maybe I AM ruining Christmas.
So yeah, there's that...
And Benjamin ugh, he's lucky he's cute. He's a terrible sleeper. Won't stay asleep at night, he just wants to get into bed with mom and cuddle, which is cute, but makes it additionally hard for me to sleep.
I'm seriously considering going to the doctor and getting put back on the crazy meds...and Ambien or something like that...it's most likely the best thing for everyone if I don't go completely insane or get totally depressed.
Right?
Friday, October 24, 2008
Respect the Hoo-Hah
Today was an interesting day...to say the least.
All morning Dylan claimed to be in dire need of food, despite the TWO bowls of Kix he powered down for breakfast and the five spoonfuls of peanut butter he had for lunch.
He'd stumble around faux-disoriented hollering "I'm HUNGRY!" then when asked what he'd like to eat he would either run away or say "I want ummmmmm, milk."
Whatever looney tunes.
Elizabeth caught on around noon to the fact that she was not going to school today and could probably change out of her rib knit lavender turtleneck, navy blue skort, off-white tights and tap shoes ensemble. She was pissed.
"What day is it?" she asked me.
"Friday," I said, for I cannot tell a lie.
"I hate Fridays," she bemoaned and stomped off to her room stripping off clothes.
She emerged in just underpants with a flowery clip in her hair, which is what she wore for the rest of the day.
Ben slept his ass off today, which is FINE BY ME! Lord knows the kid is a REM camel. He stores all his REM sleep up in those cute chubby cheeks. I guess today was time for a refill...
By FAR the best part of the day was also the absolute WORST part.
I had to go to my ladyparts doctor. So Bob came home from work early to watch the big kids and Ben and I took off to see Dr. LadyParts. <==not his real name, that would be crazy! Like my physical therapist named Dr. Bonebrake. Or my mom's old chiropractor Dr. Paine. No shit.
Anyway...
Dr. LadyParts' office is like the 10th circle of hell. You walk in there young, you walk out old. It's like Rip Van Gyno. It's like O-B-G why the hell do I come here.
I'll tell you why...out of whack lady parts.
So...first we waited in line to check in. About five minutes.
Then we sat in the waiting room, watched TWO episodes of Judge Judy and half a Judge Joe Brown. Not in that order.
Ben was enamored with a young couple sitting next to us. I couldn't tell if the gal was pregnant or not but since she and her significant other were equally enamored with Ben and given the locale I suspect yes.
In either case, it was cute.
While we waited a young family with five kids and a pregnant mom came in. The older boy child looked at the giant fish tank and squealed to his brothers and sisters...
"There's a new fish!"
Now, that's when you know for sure that you have a lot of kids -- when they can identify newcomers to the fishtank at the OB-GYNs office instantly. Wow.
Eventually, we got called back to the patient room where my blood pressure was taken and all that.
Then, with Ben in the stroller, I had to strip naked from the waist down.
Of course, OF COURSE, this is where he starts to bug out.
Two minutes after I've become half nude, Ben starts wailing. I bent over and from the exam table I lifted him out of the stroller with one hand by one of his arms. That's advanced mommying, don't try that at home.
He wanted to nurse, so we did. Picture me, half nude draped in paper. Boobs flung out for the world to see. Meat tenderized belly flab peeking out.
Hot hot hot!
After Ben fell asleep I played that game that we all play while we wait in the patient room for the doctor to show up. I call it...Identify These Strange Hallway Sounds...or Exam Room Roulette...whichever you prefer.
Is that shuffling papers noise stopping at MY door?
Was that footsteps?
Did someone just remove my chart from the little chart cubby?
Oh sweet Jesus am I next!?!?
I hear the doctor's voice, is he coming nearer to my room or is he going farther away?
Oh LORD! I heard a knock on the door next door! I MUST be next!!!
Finally, after a trillion million years and many false alarms, the doctor arrived in my room.
The nurse gal helped me put Ben back into the stroller, and of course he promptly woke up and cried. Nothing is more relaxing during a pelvic exam than a screaming baby. Nothing. Aaaah, like ocean breezes.
I'll spare you the exam details, suffice it to say, we're getting better.
I jammed out of that office so fast, screaming baby in tow, that I forgot to get my medicine AND my instructions. The nurse luckily caught me in the parking lot just before I drove away...
My appointment was scheduled for 3:30 pm. I left there just around 5:15 pm.
Total exam time: Five minutes.
Sigh.
However annoying, it WAS totally worth it as I needed the sage medical advice from Dr. LadyParts to heal my hoo-hah.
So let this be a lesson to you other ladies.
Listen to your hoo-hahs when they tell you they need medical attention.
And bring a book.
All morning Dylan claimed to be in dire need of food, despite the TWO bowls of Kix he powered down for breakfast and the five spoonfuls of peanut butter he had for lunch.
He'd stumble around faux-disoriented hollering "I'm HUNGRY!" then when asked what he'd like to eat he would either run away or say "I want ummmmmm, milk."
Whatever looney tunes.
Elizabeth caught on around noon to the fact that she was not going to school today and could probably change out of her rib knit lavender turtleneck, navy blue skort, off-white tights and tap shoes ensemble. She was pissed.
"What day is it?" she asked me.
"Friday," I said, for I cannot tell a lie.
"I hate Fridays," she bemoaned and stomped off to her room stripping off clothes.
She emerged in just underpants with a flowery clip in her hair, which is what she wore for the rest of the day.
Ben slept his ass off today, which is FINE BY ME! Lord knows the kid is a REM camel. He stores all his REM sleep up in those cute chubby cheeks. I guess today was time for a refill...
By FAR the best part of the day was also the absolute WORST part.
I had to go to my ladyparts doctor. So Bob came home from work early to watch the big kids and Ben and I took off to see Dr. LadyParts. <==not his real name, that would be crazy! Like my physical therapist named Dr. Bonebrake. Or my mom's old chiropractor Dr. Paine. No shit.
Anyway...
Dr. LadyParts' office is like the 10th circle of hell. You walk in there young, you walk out old. It's like Rip Van Gyno. It's like O-B-G why the hell do I come here.
I'll tell you why...out of whack lady parts.
So...first we waited in line to check in. About five minutes.
Then we sat in the waiting room, watched TWO episodes of Judge Judy and half a Judge Joe Brown. Not in that order.
Ben was enamored with a young couple sitting next to us. I couldn't tell if the gal was pregnant or not but since she and her significant other were equally enamored with Ben and given the locale I suspect yes.
In either case, it was cute.
While we waited a young family with five kids and a pregnant mom came in. The older boy child looked at the giant fish tank and squealed to his brothers and sisters...
"There's a new fish!"
Now, that's when you know for sure that you have a lot of kids -- when they can identify newcomers to the fishtank at the OB-GYNs office instantly. Wow.
Eventually, we got called back to the patient room where my blood pressure was taken and all that.
Then, with Ben in the stroller, I had to strip naked from the waist down.
Of course, OF COURSE, this is where he starts to bug out.
Two minutes after I've become half nude, Ben starts wailing. I bent over and from the exam table I lifted him out of the stroller with one hand by one of his arms. That's advanced mommying, don't try that at home.
He wanted to nurse, so we did. Picture me, half nude draped in paper. Boobs flung out for the world to see. Meat tenderized belly flab peeking out.
Hot hot hot!
After Ben fell asleep I played that game that we all play while we wait in the patient room for the doctor to show up. I call it...Identify These Strange Hallway Sounds...or Exam Room Roulette...whichever you prefer.
Is that shuffling papers noise stopping at MY door?
Was that footsteps?
Did someone just remove my chart from the little chart cubby?
Oh sweet Jesus am I next!?!?
I hear the doctor's voice, is he coming nearer to my room or is he going farther away?
Oh LORD! I heard a knock on the door next door! I MUST be next!!!
Finally, after a trillion million years and many false alarms, the doctor arrived in my room.
The nurse gal helped me put Ben back into the stroller, and of course he promptly woke up and cried. Nothing is more relaxing during a pelvic exam than a screaming baby. Nothing. Aaaah, like ocean breezes.
I'll spare you the exam details, suffice it to say, we're getting better.
I jammed out of that office so fast, screaming baby in tow, that I forgot to get my medicine AND my instructions. The nurse luckily caught me in the parking lot just before I drove away...
My appointment was scheduled for 3:30 pm. I left there just around 5:15 pm.
Total exam time: Five minutes.
Sigh.
However annoying, it WAS totally worth it as I needed the sage medical advice from Dr. LadyParts to heal my hoo-hah.
So let this be a lesson to you other ladies.
Listen to your hoo-hahs when they tell you they need medical attention.
And bring a book.
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