Wednesday, April 15, 2009

Accept no substitutes

I live in a neighborhood that apart from raging inferno wildfires and roaming bears is pretty safe.
During the day, we don't normally lock our doors. Our yard is literally littered with our belongings. It's not that we're not security-minded, it's just that we're sooooo far out of town that the thought of someone merely happening upon our home and deciding to burglarize it is far-fetched at best. I mean...we are 8 miles away from town. Somebody would have to drive alllllll they way out's just silly really.

So imagine my surprise when I went to get the mail yesterday and there was a notice warning against some crazy person roaming the neighborhood!
Not to rob or rape presumably, since neither have occurred, but just to throw rocks at people.
No lie.

I am only aware of this because there were postings at the cluster box (that's the rural mailbox for those NOT in the know) that some freaking obviously crazy person was hanging around the neighborhood and hitting people with rocks. Women and children. Just hitting people with rocks. WHAT THE HELL??

So, yeah.

Bob came home from work tonight and the front door was locked.
I reached over and unlocked it and explained that there was a crazy person tossing rocks at people and we were now being extra careful....

My husband being MY HUSBAND immediately wanted to know all the details. I told him as much as I knew and he pondered these facts...then he hopped into the shower.

He must have had quite a session of pondering in there because when he was finished getting dressed he insisted that I learn how to load and shoot the shotgun. Now.

Because I also was concerned about some weird random scraggly person roaming my neighborhood and throwing rocks at kids, I agreed.

Bob gave me an impromptu lesson on loading and firing the shotgun. This happened in my bedroom.
It only took 3 minutes. Apparently, I am a natural at loading and readying to fire because after only ONE test run Bob was satisfied that if a strange freak entered our property I could easily retrieve the Beretta, load it, and cause grievous bodily harm.

So yeah, people. I'm now armed and dangerous.


Melissa Gephart said...

Note to self: do not throw rocks in Jessica's neighborhood.

Andrea said...

Yes, I'm worried! But it's the rock thrower who better watch his back!

Tigerlilly said...

Extrememly worried!LOL

I'm an expert shot, no joke. The problem is, because I am so paranoid of having guns in the house with the kids.. that they are locked away in the gun cabinet. It takes me 2 minutes to get the key, unlock the cabinet, load the gun and point.

Maybe I should have cookies to offer the crazy person to keep him occupied.

Kenna said...

Wow...seriously...what is this world coming to!

Good thing your armed & dangerous now:)

We'd better go get a gun now...since we actually live in town. Who knows what might happen in Show Low City Limits?!

Jessica said...

You are brave- I am scared of guns!

Jessica said...

I am not happy about having the gun but it's kept unloaded. The kids are totally unaware that it even exists.

I'm a pretty good shot with the bb gun. There are some blue jays that could testify to that if they were so deathly dead.

Kenna, there was a bear roaming around in your neighborhood a couple years back. Bob helped the game and fish guys load the tranked up bear into their truck. Ah fun!