Thursday, September 16, 2010

Exasperated

It's no wonder my blood pressure is high.
My kids are trying to kill me, I'm sure of this now.

Today I had to bring the dog to the vet to check his leg (looks infected, he's on antibiotics now) and of course, I had to bring the boys with me.

I anticipated that this would be a complete nightmare, but I had no idea.

Loading up the whole crew into the car went well. Unloading at the vet's office was also fine. However, as soon as the door shut behind us in the waiting room. All hell broke loose.
Sonny would NOT stop barking. And he's a beagle, so his bark is like half howl, half bark. All nightmare.
The boys were jumping up and down on the waiting room couches and pulling out pamphlets on heartworm prevention and canine weight control.

Sonny was tugging on the leash, pulling me away from the counter where I was attempting to give the nice woman my address and phone number. My brain was short circuiting. I was actually surprised that I remembered my cell phone number at all.

The only bright spot was that there was no other dog in the waiting room, so one less distraction.

Finally they call us back. And the gal tells me to follow her with Sonny back to the scale to weigh him.
But the boys couldn't come. So Benny started to cry hysterically. I had to hand Sonny's leash to the vet tech and return to my sobbing child.

When Sonny returned to the room, he continued his barking symphony. Would. Not. Stop.
While I was trying to tell the tech about his leg, how long it had seemed to be bothering him...bark bark bark.

There was a small seat in the corner of the room. The boys started fighting over it. Wrestling. On the ground. In the vet's office. Now they are covered in dog hair, Benny is screaming and swinging his tiny fists at Dylan while Dylan growls in Benny's face like a dinosaur.
Bark Bark Bark Bark!

"Does he have any other problems?" Bark bark bark!
Screaaaaaaaaaaam!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
"Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr"
"Nooooooooooooo!!!!!!!!!"
"Any vomiting, diarrhea?"
BARK BARK BARK BARK!
Squeaaaaaaaaaal! "Grrrrr"
"Is he eating normally?"
Bark!
Scream!!! GRRRRRRRR!
BARK
"Drinking water? Sleeping well?"
BARK BARK

You get the picture.

By now my head was pounding. I was sweating. Lightning was flashing in my brain. I couldn't concentrate on anything.
BARK BARK BARK.

Then the tech tried to take Sonny's temperature. Rectally.
HA HAHAHAHAHA!

Yeah, that didn't happen.
I have never heard such a protest in my life.
He was having none of that. NONE. OF. THAT.

The tech gave up, thankfully.
Then she left me in my own personal hell, but not before saying "You need a vacation" as she slipped out the door.

You got that right toots.

As we waited for the vet to come in the barking, screaming, wrestling continued.
I thought about just running away, but figured they would find me. After all, the vet office just got my address. Surely they would return the children and the dog to me. So, that wouldn't work.

I tried to curl into myself and block out the cacophony, but their shrieking was so piercing and the barking was so sharp I couldn't ignore either.
It's been almost an hour and I swear I can still hear the noise echoing off the tile floors.

Finally the vet came in and I had to lift Sonny up on the table. That was SUPER FUN. I am now covered in dog hair, sweating, my head pounding, the kids screaming. FUN FUN FUN.

I am convinced that dog hair is the main ingredient in Krazy Glue. You can't get the shit off of you. Once it's on you, it's on you. I look like Teen Wolf. This is ridiculous.

Exam over. Antibiotics prescribed.
We are waiting to pay now in the lobby. The kids trying to open the exit door to the parking lot. The dog darting in and out of all the thankfully empty exam rooms. Another dog with no eyes, seriously, NO EYES, comes walking out from the back room banging into all the walls.

Sonny was intrigued by this, but the no eyed dog somehow managed to turn back around and bumping his head on every wall in the place went back where he came from.

One hundred and fifteen dollars later, we loaded back up into the car with some antibiotics for Sonny and a raging headache for me.

As we drove away Dylan begged me "Can I please watch Big Time Rush when we get home?"

"Honey, I don't care WHAT you do, as long as you do it QUIETLY."

5 comments:

Amy said...

Why in the world is an eyeless dog (how does that even HAPPEN!?) allowed to roam the vet's office unassisted? Seriously. That's just wrong.

In any of the pamphlets the boys pulled, did you happen to see one for a toddler/dog physical therapist?

And I thought of getting a beagle once. But then I heard one bark. And bark. And I said "eff no". Stupid Charlie Brown cartoons, make you think beagles are lazy, book-writing, red airplane flying animals that make no noise.

Jessica said...

LMAO! Amy....you are the funniest...

I did feel bad for the poor eyeless dog. Truly, no eyes. I double checked....it didn't notice....duh.

There were no toddler/dog PT pamphlets that I saw, but you know this is SoCal. I am surprised they didn't find a pet acupuncturist and or pet psychic pamphlet.

Beagles....oy.
In his defense, Sonny is a very well behaved dog. You say jump he says how high. He's not a discipline problem...but the bark...ugh....
I am convinced that the hounds of hell are beagles.

Amy said...

Well, you do have a wider selection down there. We have one of all the major doctors up here - one high-risk pregnancy doctor, one pediatric neurologist, one pediatric pulmonologist, one specialized pediatric eye doctor (see the trend in why we are stuck in Anchorage??!). I am probably lucky that Julia's PT ONLY had the dogs as her side business, and not the reindeer they keep at the zoo.

Jessica said...

I know how that is...when Liz had to go to the pediatric cardiologist we had to drive to Flagstaff...two hours away. Sigh.

Momma of Three {Kenna} said...

WOW! What a fun day?! Been there done that...well not the dog part but the kid part!

Hope you are doing well! We miss you guys!!!