Tuesday, September 13, 2011


It seems like more often than not these days (nights?) I wake up about four hours after falling asleep in a cold sweat. Nightmares! I am being chased, murdered, attacked, zombies are swarming, tiny adorable children are in peril or they are the killers chasing the adults...

It's freaking me out!

I have always had weird dreams. Sometimes they recur. I have had the same dream about the car driving out of control maybe 20 times in my life. Sometimes I become aware while I am dreaming THAT I am dreaming and I am able to alter a familiar dream so it ends differently.

These are not those kind of dreams...they are fully out of my control. They are riddled with events and people and symbols. They are crowded. I don't know about you, but usually my dreams are pretty sparse. Not too many people are there with me.

The nightmares I am having now are just chock full of other people. I am in a huge crowd, always. Which is a waking nightmare for me as well.

A smart friend of mine informed me that in a certain school of dream analysis they teach that everyone in your dream is you. The murderer is you. The victim is you. You are the monster AND the hero. You are the naked student AND the rest of the class.

I don't know what that means for these nightmares. Am I the psychopathic murderous toddler? Am I the zombie? Am I myself AND my soon to be ex-husband? I don't know.

The other night I crashed at a friends house after a football game. I thought the change of scenery would change my sleeping pattern. No such luck befell me.

Instead I had a dream that when analyzed indicated that I was not processing my emotions that were arising over a significant change in my life.

Yeah. No shit. I get it. I absolutely am not processing my emotions. I am stuffing them so far back down inside me so I don't have to deal with what is going on around me, at least not emotionally.

So listen, Queen Mab, keep these freaking dreams out of my head! I get it. Message received. Give me back my Shemar Moore dreams please!


Ammara said...

it means u dont go in deep sleep... u shud exercize more, do relaxing exercizes, yoga and may be get a massage... these are just your fears re-surfing, try to talk yourself out of them through logic may be... ?

Jessica said...

I hate it when my fears re-surf. Once is enough.