Notes from a Baby Shower

The whole clan, Bob included, went to his little brother's girlfriend's baby shower this afternoon...

One of the games we played was the "identify the melted chocolate candy in the diaper" game.
First off, ew!
Melted Snickers totally looks like poo! I may never eat Snickers again!
Ok, I will. But not out of a diaper!

Secondly, diapers are SUPER chemically!! I'm really glad that we use cloth. It was really gross. I could barely tell if I was eating Milky Way or Three Muskateers because everything tasted like diaper chemicals. Yuck.

But here's the real story...

For most of the game Dylan was off running around and riding a scooter. He wasn't paying attention to us in the slightest nor did he realize that everyone was tasting candy from diapers.

When he finally came over to our table Bob showed him the Milky Way diaper and said, "Hey Dylan! Look at this!"

"(Insert sound of fake puking here)", Dylan said.
"Watch this Dylan!" Bob said, grabbing a spoon. "You want Daddy to eat the poo?"

"NO! NO NO NO!" Dylan screamed. He freaked out and started covering his face in horror.

Bob spooned up some "poo" and raised the spoon to his lips.
Dylan starting yelling, "No no no!" and had a mini-stroke.
Bob ate the "poo"!
Dylan trembled and his face screwed up in disgust and he ran away in such a horrible fright yelling...
"I can't like that! I can't like that!!"

It was so damn funny, we did it three more times.




PS: I totally tanked the chocolate poo game but won the "What flavor baby food is this?" game hands down. You can't whip a mother of three in that game. It wasn't even hard. I did half the list by sight alone. Cake-walk.

Now he'll NEVER potty train!

Oh. Good. Grief.

So just moments ago Dylan came over and told me "I want go potty" which means exactly what you think it means. Not like when he says "I want bla-da-bla-da-bla" which means "Give me a banana, wretched woman!" (yes, in my head, Dylan is Stewie)

We ran off to the bathroom, threw his Dora potty seat onto the toilet and I started to take off his cute corduroys while he simultaneously tried to climb up onto the potty.
Disaster!
He lost his grip AND his pants caught on his foot at the same time sending him face first into the side of the toilet.
Oh. No!

He did that crying-without-making-a-sound crying for about a minute. His lips actually turned purple he hadn't drawn breath for so long. Finally he gasped and let out a wail of sorrow.
Oh, I felt so bad!!!

If he hadn't already pooped his pants, he did after that, so getting to the potty in time was no longer No. 1 priority. Or No. 2. Heh.

Dylan got a big mama hug and I cleaned him up, diaper wise. Details spared.
I checked his teeth, they were fine. No blood anywhere. He banged the chubby part of his cheek and probably his nose since he kept sniffing for about five minutes after the incident. Not sniffing in, but like blowing out. It was strange.

Now he's got a big red circle on his face where he impacted. Like a half made up china doll. One side all rougey, the other, plain.
Poor baby.

If I was him, I'd never go near a toilet again!