Call Us For An Answer

That's what the little product support card tucked into the packaging of my new MP3 player said - "Call Us For An Answer"
So, when I had a question I called them for the answer...and that was my first mistake.
See, I bought this nifty new MP3 player, and was so excited I practically ripped open the box getting it out. I get ready to install the software from a CD thinking it should be easy as pie. Problem is, I can't get my computer to run the damn InstallShield Wizard. (PS I hate computer "wizards" I hate the letter wizards and the resume wizards, and now the installation wizards. The only wizard I like, is MR. Wizard.)

After numerous attempts to get the software installed, including a trip to the company's website to get the software straight from the zip file (also a bust) I called the tech support line.
20 minutes on hold later I get a guy who's accent is so thick, I can barely understand him. His name was Francisco.
He told me to try to download the software from the company website and if that didn't work to call back. I told him I already tried that, he told me to try again.
So, like a friggin sheep, I did it. It failed again.
I called back. The next gal I talked to I can't even remember her name, we'll call her Dumb Bitch.

Dumb Bitch asks me what the error message is...I tell her. She asks me again, I tell her, again. She asks me again.
Now, this is not over the course of like 10 minutes, but just like I typed it, she'd ask me, I'd tell her, she'd ask me again.
"Are you even listening to me?" I asked her.
"Yes, maam I am listening. Can you tell me what it says again?"

I about reached through the phone and choked her.

Eventually she tells me I'll have to send the unit in.

"The player isn't even connected to the computer yet. This has nothing to do with it. I can't get the software installed." I said.
"Oh, you can't get the software installed?" Dumb Bitch says.
"That's what I've been telling you!" I said.

Over the next 15 minutes she tells me twice more that I need to send in my unit. I seriously contemplated screaming obscenities at her.
Instead I asked to talk to her manager.
See, the Dumb Bitch eventually came to the conclusion (shockingly correctly) that the Windows software is blocking the MP3 player's software installation, but she can't tell me how or why. And that is what I need to know so I can fix it.

"Surely, this has happened before and someone there knows what is blocking it." I said.
"Noone here knows." she said.
"You're telling me, that at a company that makes computer products, noone there knows what is blocking the software installation for your MP3 player"
"Right. Noone knows."
"Can't anyone just say, it might be this, it could be that?"
"Noone here knows and we don't support your PC."
"But it's YOUR software!"

This went on and on just like that for a very long time.

Her manager told me to contact my computer's manufacturer...which is my brother. And my regular readers know how pleasant he can be.

Knowing that I'm walking into an assured nightmare, I call my brother. He's just as wonderful as ever. The conversation ends with him telling me "I don't know! I didn't make your MP3 player!" and me yelling at him what a jerk he is. I think he hung up on me. Whatever.

I call back the MP3 company and get the same chick Dumb Bitch who repeats herself so exactly, she must be a robot or a taped message.
"You're worthless" I tell her, and hang up the phone.

I get the great idea to restart my computer. After the restart, a little update button appears telling me I need to upgrade my version of Windows INSTALLER!
Yeah, one upgrade, and 15 minutes later the MP3 software is on the computer and I'm merrily transferring music to my new neat little toy.
I have half a mind to call back the customer service people and tell them where to stick their....
Hmm, not supposed to cuss anymore.
Must simmer down now.