Wednesday, March 08, 2006

National Ledger - Britney: 'I'm Pregnant'

Dear Britney,

Nooooooo!

Good freaking grief girl!
You're still torn up from the first Federspawn. Why WHY would you re-pregnatethis soon. You've got a dirtbag husband who's reportedly already squiring your replacement.







Maybe you should get Shar Jackson on your speed dial, cause, honey, she can give you some "getting over Kevin" tips.
If the past is any predictor of future events (and sweetie, Brit Brit, it IS!) if you're around three months pregnant now, you've got another four "good" months with the *love* of your life, Popozao. Then he'll run off with that French bird and they'll frolick in trucker hats, smoking cigarettes, chugging Red Bull and eating family sized bags of Cheetos and wearing cut off shorts and wife-beaters.



And then what will you do Britney?
Dear lord, I hope you made him sign a pre-nup.
Where is your mother? She should have shot you up with Depo herself immediately after this, or this, or sweet Jesus, this.

Lord help you Brit.
Love,
Jessey

6 comments:

cube said...

That guy has some potent sperm.

Jessey said...

Between these two and Posh and Becks, I think they're trying to breed intelligence out of humankind.
And I'm not going to stand for it!

Amy said...

Seriously, how can his sperm be so motivated when he's not?

They do have a pre-nup but, if I were his attorney, I'd fight it to the death. As I read (I know too much about this, I admit I'm a sad-sack), in California you have to wait so many days between signing the pre-nup and getting married for it to be valid. They did not wait the requisite number of days, *but* filed their marriage certificate a week after the actual wedding on the advice of their attorney that that would make the time limit.

To which I say, once that priest/judge whoever declares you married, you are married. Filing the certificate is a formality. So I'd say it's void void void. Even if it's a loser argument, at the very least she'll likely give up more to him in the divorce to get him to go away and drop it.

Jessey said...

And Brit, that's free legal advice from a brilliant mind.
I agree with you Amy. It's worth whatever payout to get rid of the Federslime.

Have you seen that magazine that has the blaring headline: "How Kevin Ruined Britney!"
Hilarious.

Freebird said...

That guy is such a LOSER. I don't know what these women see in him.

Jessey said...

he must seriously be packing heat.
It's the only thing that could even remotely explain why women are falling all over themselves in foolish ways to be with him.