Friday, March 03, 2006

O-S-C-A-R-S

That's how you spell irrelevent, self-aggrandizing, masturbatory praisefest.
And I never miss it even though I never see movies. I've famously outed myself as having last seen a movie in the theater almost two years ago. It was Dodgeball. Not exactly "Brokeback Mountain"


Every year my mom and I try to best each other in picking the winners. She never sees movies either, so it's fair. I've yet to make my picks, but seeing as how she lives in SoCal and has access to all the gratuitous press about this particular event, I think she's got it locked down this year, again.

On a whim, I went back to see how many of the Best Picture winners over the last 10 years (1994 - 2004 last year's awards) I had actually SEEN. The results were not good. I've seen three of the 10 - Forrest Gump and Braveheart (which are practically required viewing at birth at this point) and American Beauty. All the others I not only have NOT seen but I am violently opposed to seeing at all ever in any way, context or duration. The list of Best Picture winners I have avoided over the last decade is as follows: The English Patient, Titanic, Shakespeare in Love, Gladiator, A Beautiful Mind, Chicago, The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King and Million Dollar Baby.

Based on these odds (that I'll extremely HATE the best picture winner) I predict that "Brokeback Mountain" will take the prize as I have less than zero interest in seeing this movie at all ever in any way, context or duration. I'm just not into gay cowboys, not that there's anything wrong with that.

9 comments:

Freebird said...

Thanks for the tip on calling the bank and reversing the fees. They've agreed to reverse four of the five. Woohoo! Had you not let me know, I would've paid them.

If I was a betting type of gal, my money would be on Brokeback Mountain for best movie and Joaquin Pheonix/Reese Witherspoon as best actor/actress.

I saw both movies and thought they were great. I'm assuming they've been nominated in these categories. I have no idea, but I'll probably be watching.

Oscars are on Sunday right?

Jessey said...

You'd be surprised at what you can get people to do just by asking!
I knew there was a grand cosmic reason that I had so many problems with bouncing checks...and that reason was to help you today! I'm so glad they agreed to reverse those charges.

I heard this whole big story the other day about how you can get a better rate deal on a hotel room just by ASKING for a cheaper price. Apparently, it works all the time. I feel like such a sucker for paying the sticker price!

Oscars are Sunday evening...I'm not sure what time though...check your local listings!

Amy said...

Wow, i have seen all those best movies except gladiator, braveheart and lord of the rings.

don't worry about your mom having an in. my husband and his friend do the oscar's, the emmy's, the globes, every year. his friend lives in la. his friend works in the movie industry. his friend subscribes to the trade magazines. his friend always loses. horribly. shut out several times, even.

here's my picks - brokeback mountain, reese, philip seymour hoffman, paul giamatti, rachel weisz, and i'm cray going on a limb and saying george clooney for best director, crash for best original and brokeback for best adapted.

Amy said...

oh, and the only of those movies i've seen this year are cinderella man (giamatti) and crash (which I didn't think was so good but nobody wants to say a movie that speaks to race relations today is bad).

Jessey said...

Just for fun, here's my full list of picks, just in the categories people care about (sorry sound editing).

Actor-Leading Philip Seymour Hoffman
Actor-Supporting George Clooney
Actress-Leading Reese ( dress flap and dead paparazzi be damned)
Actress-Supporting Catherine Keener

Direction Ang Lee Brokeback Mountain
Best Picture Brokeback Mountain

Wouldn't it be a hoot though if Michelle "Jen Lindley" Williams won a friggin Oscar?
Take THAT Dawson! You too Pacey.

Amy said...

I can't believe slutty Jen Lindley got nominated. It's the same thing with Tom Loser dating Katie Holmes. If these people had actually watched these shows. . .

Jessey said...

It's so true.
If ANY Dawson's alum HAD to be nominated for an Academy Award, I'd have to pick Monica Keena, aka Abby aka drunken whore who fell off the dock and whacked her head and drowned.
That was awesome.

Amy said...

Ha! I was flipping the other day and she was in some movie of the week, and I thought "Hey! She fell off the pier!"

Jessey said...

I was truly shocked when they killed off Abby. I believe I stopped being a Dawson's devotee because of it. Also, because I was in college and not junior high. Also because I had to focus on 90210 as it was in it's waning seasons.
Also because I hate Dawson Van Der Beek.
Except in Varsity Blues.
"I don't want yer life!"
Genius. Where was Oscar on that one?