Saturday, August 19, 2006


If I died in my house, my cats would eat me and they'd start with my head.

I have pretty conclusive evidence that this is what would happen.

Here's how it all goes down.
I'm sleeping. I hear this ear-splitting squeal from the living room "Squee, squee, squee!!"

"What the F---???!"

I look out my door but I don't see anything happening. In the far far off distance, I see that mouse run around like crazy in the family room on the other side of the house. I have never heard a mouse go "squee!!!" and there's no cat in hot pursuit of that mouse. I figure, something else must be going on.
Boy howdy, and HOW!

I go into the living room through the kitchen, so as to sneak up on whatever is happening. I turn on the kitchen light to get a better look.
That's when I see my little orange cat Baby and the BIGGEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN!
It wasn't really that big, not like an elephant, but it was bigger than any other vermin or critter these horrible cats have killed yet.

My stomach hurts, my first thought - rat. Shit! I go in for a closer look. It's not a rat at all. It's a BABY COTTONTAIL RABBIT!!!!!!!!!


I stand there horrified, speechless, disgusted and watch Baby gnaw the cottontail's head off. Completely OFF. Beheaded.

Then I got a cardboard box, assured the rabbit was now MOSTLY dead, and scooted it out the front door. I then had to go back and scoot out a foot that Baby had chewed off in the excitement.
Ew, friggin ew.

So, that's where the cats are now, on the front porch eating a dead rabbit.

"There's an actual mouse in the house already guys! You don't need to order take out!"

Little jerks.


eva said...

I think your cats are sociopaths. I'd be very concerned. It must be your parenting skills. I KID! ;)

Jessey said...

Yeah, here's the worst part.
I threw the bunny out onto the front porch around 1 am.
This morning at 7, I went out to check on the was COMPLETELY gone.
All gone.

eaf said...

Oh, God! That rabbit in distress noise. It's awful.

Hector decapitated AND skinned a mouse once. He left the remains in little heaps on the dining room rug. It was absolutely gruesome. We should have named him Hannibal instead of Hector. Gross.

Jessey said...

Just call him Hector Lector.

Bern said...

I can feel a little shiver go up my spine as I read this post. Ferocious cats and a headless bunny. Are you sure Baby and Louie are just cats?

Chris said...

Yeah, rabbits are the worst. Damn.

Jessey said...

They actually might be furry cyborg killing machines.
Maybe THAT'S what happened to Pumpkin!?! Maybe they killed him and ate him??!?!?!


Anonymous said...

That is truly the most disgusting and disturbing thing I have seen in print. My theory is that while you were on vacation, Bobby neglected to feed them and they turned wild to survive. Mice didn't cut it anymore. They'll have an elk down in your front yard in a couple of days.

Jessey said...

I know! Mailman beware!

Brant said...

Y'know - one the plus side, at least they didn't boil the rabbit. That would've been gross.

Jessey said...

And totally freaky. Like, hey, how did you guys fill a pot with water, get it on the stove, turn on the burner, get the bunny in there, etc etc...
I'd have to shoot them if they went that far!

pstvnrgy said...

It never ends! LOL

Jessica said...

Nope never. Two nights ago. Baby mole.
We're just warming up too.....technically and historically this is lizard season. They're on their 10th lizard already easily.
Moving to baby moles so's a harbinger of bad things to come.