Tuesday, February 20, 2007

Britney Spears checks into rehab - UPDATED!

***Spoke too soon y'all***
Britney's escaped again
She better stop it now or we're gonna have another ANS here.
Someone help Britney!

I don't personally KNOW Ms. Spears, but I am glad that she is taking this proactive step to halt her self-destructive behavior which, quite frankly, is no recent development...

Hello! Let's get into the wayback machine....

Aug. 2003 Kissed Madonna
Jan. 2004 Annulled 55-hour marriage to Jason Alexander (not George Costanza)

Summer 2004 Rapidly deteriorating sense of personal hygiene as in barefoot in a gas station bathroom
June 2004 Buys her own engagement ring
Sept. 2004 Married that walking dog turd Fed-Ex (what up Fres-neck!)
Dec. 2004 Orders a chihuahua a $180 steak at a restaurant
Jan. 2005 Gets knocked up No. 1
May 2005 Pukes in a swimming pool AND airs home movies on UPN
Jan. 2006 Gets knocked up NO. 2

Feb 2006 Drives with SPF on lap
Spring 2006 Tries to drop SPF on the street in New York

June 2006 Goes on Dateline with Matt Lauer looking like trailer trash, chomping gum; Tells Lauer her excuse for endangering her son's life is that she is "country"
Also in that interview she says

"There will be an “Oops number 100.” There’ll be plenty more oopses. I’m not perfect. I’m human."

Understatement of the decade.

Aug. 2006 Huge, naked and on the cover of a magazine
Nov. 2006 Finally files for divorce from Fed-Ex; Tweens on message boards cheer! (OK, I cheered too)

Then in the last three months, all bloody hell has broken loose.
Crotch shots, probably preceded and followed by Jager shots, Paris Hilton, lesbianism, rapidly deteriorating sense of personal hygiene (again), parties with strippers, pukes in her car, goes to rehab, checks out, shaves head, back in rehab...

What a whirlwind.

All the best Brit!

Maybe she's giving up postpartum psychosis for Lent?


Andrea said...

Poor Britney. I seriously think something is wrong with her. She probably does have PPD. Two kids one year apart? That's gotta do a number on your hormones.

Andrea said...

Ohmygosh! She's checked into rehab for the THIRD time this week! This is getting a little crazy.

Jessica said...

What?! that's totally ridiculous.
They should tie her up to a radiator in that rehab.
This is getting silly.
I just don't want Britney to die!!
AND I don't want Fed-Ex to get the babies!!!