Tuesday, April 10, 2007

State of Emotions

My panic attack was a little less than a month ago. I've continued to have little "episodes" since then, but nothing as drastic as having to go to the ER and get an IV of ativan and an EKG.

After the Effexor I was prescribed gave me insomnia (worse than usual) and the shakes, my GP changed me to Prozac - which is a little cliche, but seems to work.

But like I said, I've continued to have problems with anxiety and panic attacks. Now that I know what it is, it's much easier to get through it without thinking I'm having a coronary.

In addition to taking my Prozac everyday (and waiting for the full effects to kick in) I am also still taking lorazepam (.5 mg dose during the day and 2mg at night) to take the edge off when anxiety builds up too much.

And though it seems purely vain, I've started going to the tanning booth three times a week. It's not only making me tan and hot, but it's also sort of like light therapy - it's a great mood booster. It also gives me a block of completely uninterrupted time to think. It's nice, even if it's just a few minutes.

Besides all the drugs and going tanning, I'm also going to counseling twice a month to talk about my feelings (blech).
As part of my ongoing process with grieving for my dad I've also created a space in our yard that is like a memory garden. It's got a few things out there that remind me of him and a little cross and some flowers. It gives me a place to go to talk to him, since his "grave" is in New Jersey and all but impossible for me to ever visit.
I figured since his spirit is with me, then his memorial can be wherever I want it to be. So I finally made the space, more for me than anything.

That's where I'm at now.


Anonymous said...

I'm glad your meds are working, and totally missed this post because I was galavanting in Venice. And I think the memorial is a good idea, he can hear you anywhere.

Jason said...

Recognizing an attack makes it a lot easier to get through. Good job. I still think you should try taking a Vitamin B complex, though.

Bern said...

Having your own little quiet space and being able to talk to your dad is an absolutely good idea. Stay strong. You will get through this.
And don't forget to breathe and enjoy the flowers.

Meredith said...

I forget where you Dad is buried...wasn't it in the ocean? When we move to NJ, come stay with us and we'll take a drive to where he was laid to rest. Promise?

Jessica said...

He was cremated and his remains are in a mausoleum at Holy Cross Cemetery in North Arlington. His sister was buried there too.