Thursday, September 13, 2007

Welcome to Earth! Land of the Crazy and Insane: Britney Free Edition!

Here's a quick roundup of the news articles which prove that Earthlings are indeed crazy and insane, if not as a whole, then at least individually:

* Because of a shrinking population, the result of a birth rate that is being rapidly outpaced by the rate of deaths, a Russian governor is pleading with citizens to skip work and make a baby!
Those who successfully conceive and bear a child on June 12 will receive a litany of cash and prizes, one of which is a brand new HOME!!!!

* Makes you think twice about flirting! Some psycho in Cambodia got obsessed with a girl in high school, waited it out a few years. Then followed her on the street and INJECTED HER WITH HIS OWN BLOOD!! He said if he couldn't be with her, at least his blood would be. Looooooney.
The gal is being tested for infectious diseases and probably getting fitted for full body armor at this moment.
This guy makes the guy who broke into my apartment junior year of college and waited for me to get home so he could tell me he was in love with me look like a sensible, levelheaded young man.

*In "Thank Goodness Most Criminals are Stupid" news:
Some dinky broad drove to court to pay a traffic ticket in a STOLEN CAR.
Cops arrested her and her passenger as she exited the vehicle.
No word on whether the original ticket was paid.

* And finally, in Global Warming News:
We've been asked to give up our SUVs, switch to swirly lightbulbs, reduce reuse and recycle, and now this!
According to "scientists" we now should cut back our consumption of red meat to ease the planet's rocketing temperature spike. The reasoning being that the agricultural resources devoted to raising cattle account for 20 percent of greenhouse gases and... (This is how you know I didn't make this story up...it's too funny even for me to think of)
...livestock production has a particularly big impact because of the large amount of methane emitted from belching cattle.


They can take my Hummer, but they'll never take my ribeye!!!

10 comments:

Amy said...

If we stop eating meat, then there'll slowly be a reduction in the number of cows being bred, and before you know it, the Russians will declare June 12 "cows have sex day" so we can bring them back from the brink of extinction.

Meredith said...

Dude, I forget who that psycho was junior year...can you elaborate? I do remember it was at The Viking though...

Jessica said...

It was Pete, Alex's roommate.
Remember it was after Alex and I broke up and Pete tried to get some...what a fool.
Ah, The Viking...

Andrea said...

I was trying to remember his name too, but I totally had his face pictured. Wasn't that the time that you refused to take a ride home from the Cantina and you walked home to find Pete in your apartment?

Meredith said...

It all is coming back now...crazy pete!

Jessica said...

Andrea, I think you are mixing up his two most crazy incidents...

The first one was right after the break up and we were out at Cantina and Pete was there and he offered to walk me home and since this was BEFORE his craziness, and we were practically roommates (he and I) I agreed. Then he got all weird on me along the way and I ditched him and walked the rest of the way by myself.

The breaking into the apartment happened a little bit after that when I was over at Smalley's one night and I went home and found "evidence" that someone unauthorized had been there and then two minutes after I got home, he knocked on my front door all drunk and stupid. And since he was drunk and stupid it was easy to get him to confess to having broken in and I kicked him out and immediately ran back to Smalley's place (at like 2 am!)
Ah, the good old days!

Jessica said...

I hope he isn't still obsessed with me and reads this blog secretly and sees his name in here and then thinks that I finally do love him!! Ha ha! He's crazy, it's possible!

debdills said...

Jessey, you have the best college stories ever. and a great memory for them.

Jessica said...

Oh yeah right! Best ever!
What a fine mess!

debdills said...

perhaps not to experience... but to look back upon? commmon....