Step Two: Every time you get undressed, scatter your clothes throughout the house. Then complain that you have no clean socks.
Step Three: Tell your wife that she washes dishes "wrong" but don't offer to wash them the "right" way.
Step Four: Every time the baby cries, shoot your wife a glare that says "YOUR baby is crying again." When your wife reminds you that he is YOUR baby too blame your laziness on a lack of lactating boobs.
Step Five: Flat out refuse to change diapers. Especially poopy ones. Because the stink of poop affects men worse than women...yeah, that's it.
Step Six: Complain that your wife is too tired to do the dirty dirty, but don't actually do anything around the house to lighten her load.
Step Seven: Eat a giant plate of burritos 20 minutes before dinner. Do NOT eat dinner at all. Then have a giant bowl of cereal at 8:30 pm.
Step Eight: Grumble and mumble whenever you have to do anything for yourself.
Step Nine: Give the kids candy and soda and snacks, then leave the house. Alternatively, wind the kids up with a game of chase and tickle, then when you're done yell at them to be quiet. Charge your wife with making sure they are quiet.
Step Ten: Open every cabinet door in the kitchen everytime you walk through the room. Never ever CLOSE a cabinet door.
Extra Credit: Begin every sentence to your wife with these words...
"I'm not trying to make you mad, but..."
These tips are totally