Step Two: Every time you get undressed, scatter your clothes throughout the house. Then complain that you have no clean socks.
Step Three: Tell your wife that she washes dishes "wrong" but don't offer to wash them the "right" way.
Step Four: Every time the baby cries, shoot your wife a glare that says "YOUR baby is crying again." When your wife reminds you that he is YOUR baby too blame your laziness on a lack of lactating boobs.
Step Five: Flat out refuse to change diapers. Especially poopy ones. Because the stink of poop affects men worse than women...yeah, that's it.
Step Six: Complain that your wife is too tired to do the dirty dirty, but don't actually do anything around the house to lighten her load.
Step Seven: Eat a giant plate of burritos 20 minutes before dinner. Do NOT eat dinner at all. Then have a giant bowl of cereal at 8:30 pm.
Step Eight: Grumble and mumble whenever you have to do anything for yourself.
Step Nine: Give the kids candy and soda and snacks, then leave the house. Alternatively, wind the kids up with a game of chase and tickle, then when you're done yell at them to be quiet. Charge your wife with making sure they are quiet.
Step Ten: Open every cabinet door in the kitchen everytime you walk through the room. Never ever CLOSE a cabinet door.
Extra Credit: Begin every sentence to your wife with these words...
"I'm not trying to make you mad, but..."
These tips are totally
4 comments:
So David does Step 7 all the time, except he is such a lightweight, he will eat a McDonald's hamburger, or bowl of soup, or small bagel & cream cheese at 3, and doesn't want to eat dinner at 6:30. I can KIND of get him to stop now, by yelling "I am going to HAVE to eat at 6:30, whether you're hungry or not!"
And as for the dirty dirty, I still don't think it's safe for the two of you to be going at it. But as we are banned from doing it all until babies come, maybe I just want some company. Seriously, banned (according to all sources but my doctor, who I was going to ask, but then baby was diagnosed with a hole in her head on the exact visit I was going to ask and ya know, at that moment, it didn't seem so important!).
I'd say that 2, 5, 8 and 10 happen everyday at my house. Steps 3, 4 and 9 twice a week. Seven at least once a week. Six every other day and more often on the weekends. Step one usually only during the holidays.
I'm sure Bob could write a post from the man's perspective about how I drive him crazy...we're all striving for perfection!
totally unrelated, but... did you see mama's boys? I did not, however, read this lil blurb, and now think I may have to watch the trainwreck unfold....
http://popwatch.ew.com/popwatch/2008/12/mommas-boys-the.html
A message from Bob:
Everything is a lie. I don't do that stuff. Write something nice about me!
I told him to come on here and comment himself and he said...
"I'm making my comments now, to you!"
He wasn't really mad though...
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