Friday, March 20, 2009

Avast there me hearties! It be AshBeard!

A series of unfortunate events has led to this. Dylan is now a pirate.

Yesterday at around 5 pm, Elizabeth tossed a handful of discarded fireplace ashes into her brother's face.
No good.
She went to time out while I stuck Dylan in the tub to wash off all the ashes. He was furiously rubbing his eyes.

"Did it get INTO your eyes?"

"YES! Mommy my eyes hurt!"

So I started rinsing out his eyes with water, which naturally he totally loved and did NOT scream bloody murder into my ear at all!

Actually you know that's not true. He screamed and flailed around in the bathtub like a fish on land. I did the best rinse job I could and set him free.

He kept on rubbing the right eye all night.
This morning he woke up and it was all puffy and red. Uh oh.

There was no way he was going to let me rinse it again. He wouldn't even let me look at it.

I brought him into the doctors office where they tied him up gently restrained him and rinsed out his eyeball.
The doctor said that no big chunks of stuff came out, which is good I guess? Lots of eyelashes though, probably from the incessant rubbing.

Halfway through the procedure, Dylan yelled out "THAT'S ENOUGH!!!"

But as I said before, it was only half enough. By convincing him that pirates are cool and he could be one when we finished, Dylan let the gals finish rinsing his eye.

That's not to say that he didn't keep screaming about it, he just opened his eye for them.

After he was all dried off, Dylan got his cool eye patch.
Because he was so "good" he got to pick two stickers AND then I took him to the airport to look at airplanes. With his one good eye.
When we got home he got a piece of chocolate and immediately ripped off the patch. No no!
The patch is on until tonight at least sir!


Andrea said...

Oh no! Poor Dylan! At least he got to look at airplanes with his "good eye." If I were him I would bring that up in every argument with Elizabeth in the future! Speaking of which, what happened to the perpetrator of this crime?

Jessica said...

During the lavage portion of the doctors visit, Elizabeth was repeatedly and sternly reminded that this whole scene was a direct result of her actions and the blame for her brother's pain and anxiety laid squarely and solely at her feet.

Which is to say, I guilt tripped her. Hardcore. She even held hands with him at the airport. That's how bad she felt.

Jessica said...

And I totally laughed at the thought of him repeatedly countering her arguments in the future with this guilt forevermore.

"Dylan! You crashed my car!"

"You threw ashes in my eye!"


"Dylan! You lost my child at the mall!"

Yeah, that might work for him.

Susie said...

LOL! My sister still throws it in my face that she can't eat eggs because i told her the stringy white stuff was the beginning of an unborn baby chicken. Yeah... it's only been 22 years.

Jessica said...

Oh! The poor little pirate!

Maribeth said...

Poor guy! I had a dry pine needle in my eye as a kid (it was there for 2 days and every time I blinked it scratched my eye). Reading this made me cringe all over again. Hope the pirate heals well.