Finally!

The stars aligned!!

A couple weeks ago Bob got a call from his buddy back in Arizona that they were ramping up for another power plant overhaul and they needed him for the job!
Yay!

Of course, this means that he will have to go BACK to Arizona for the job. Boo.
But it's only for 4-6 weeks. Yay!
Still, I'll miss him, especially when I'm loading up the boys into the car in the afternoons to go pick up their sister from school. Or at bedtime or bathtime or mealtime when I'll have no help wrangling all three of them. Or anytime I have to run a quick errand and end up having to take my entourage along, extending a five minute task into a half hour escapade.

However, beggars cannot be choosers and the money from this job is good. Hopefully it will lead into an opportunity here in California so we can FINALLY get back on our feet in a place of our own.

In other news:

Benny freaking LOVES the ocean! We went to the Channel Islands beach park and Ben practically threw himself into the water. He also loves squirrels and would like to catch one with his bare hands.

I'm thinking of getting Dylan back into a preschool though he's completely against the idea in every way. He is violently disinterested in school, which is not to say that he's not smart, he just does not seem to enjoy structure. Naturally, that's EXACTLY why I think he needs to go back to school.

Big Brother 11 - Wow I'm old!

First, I can't believe this is the 11th season (seasonette) of this show. I still remember BB1, it was on six nights a week. It was awesome.

Anyway...BB11...

I missed the inaugural episode because I was too busy jamming down on Rock Band at Club Fig with Chantal and Melissa...yo, real life interfered! Sucka!

But I did catch the last two episodes and here's my take so far...

EVERYONE! Stop trying so hard to maneuver and be slick and take over the game and run the house and be the man/WOman and run the table and all that crap...

The first week should be a chill week. The most obnoxious, annoying, overplaying/useless/incompetent person should be voted out. It's a gimme week. Week one you lay low, you act nicely to everyone, you skate by.....

So on the block initially were Lydia and Chima. Lydia being the bleach blonde punk Offbeat and Chima the over-confident, self-proclaimed DIIIIVA brain -- who incidentally was ready to quit after the first competition.

Tonight the POV removed Lydia from the nomination chairs and replaced her with Braden, the Zoolander-esque man-child.

Supposedly Chima is up as a pawn. But you know how that goes.
And even despite the last minute plan to back door Braden, I think Chima will get the boot this week.

I bet that Chima is eliminated.

Show Low Days!

We bit the bullet and finally took the kids to the ubercrowded Show Low Days festival and car show.
Today was the last day and we JUST made it to see all the cars before the judging was over.


We got overpriced cheeseburgers and GIANT ice cream cones and kettle corn (which I hate but accidentally ate a few pieces of anyway!). I bought a bar of handmade soap and a fresh squeezed cup of lemonade from a guy inside a giant lemon. Just like on "Sixteen"!


Of course we walked around all the cars and picked out our favorites.
Dylan kept saying "I want to buy THAT one!" Sadly, we didn't have $18,000 on the spot. Dang!


There was a little petting zoo with cute animals, but they charged $5 a kid to pet some pygmy goats. No thanks! Instead our kids bounced in the bounce house for a buck a piece then took a train ride for $4 a pop. Highway robbery? Sure. But they had fun!


After we tired of walking around the booths and cars and I couldn't take smelling that kettle corn stand for one more second we took the kids up to the baseball diamond and let them run free. A GREAT way to tire them out PLUS it's all fenced and contained. Awesome!

The One In Which I Find Myself Stuck in the Back Seat*

*and not in a good way!

Today I woke up and assessed our milk situation. My whole family welfare revolves around the availability of milk. With three kids aged 5 and under and a cereal fiend for a husband, yeah, we gotta have milk in the damn house.

This morning we were down to less than half a gallon. No bueno. I wipe my ass with half a gallon of milk. Not literally.

Half a gallon of milk lasts about half a day around here. Just so you know.

Immediately my day's plans become clear. Item one on the agenda: GET MILK SO YOU GOT MILK!!!

With the plan of going to get milk then going to the school's lunch program in the afternoon, I packed up the kids and left the house around 10:45 am. Dangerously cutting it close during the rainy season.

We got to Wal-Mart and the sky above was black black black. Like Deebo black. An angry punk. Trying to make me give it my bike!

Anyway....
We finished the Wal-Mart shopping without major incident. I bought a little foam cooler for my milk as I totally planned to be at the lunch for awhile and didn't want my milk to get gross.

I get to the car in the parking lot and I immediately realize that all my plans are about to go bunk. The sky now is SUPER dark, there's lightning flashing everywhere. No rain....yet.

I get Benny in his seat. Elizabeth and Dylan hop into their car seats. I pop the trunk. Unload with a QUICKNESS. Return the cart to the cart corral, because I'm not a punk bitch! then get started on buckling the kids.

I told Elizabeth "buckle Benny!" as I started to buckle Dylan into his seat. It was starting to sprinkle, but I could FEEL the real rain coming.

"BUCKLE HIM! BUCKLE HIM!" I yelled!
"I can't. I don't know how!!!" Elizabeth yelled back, though she totally does.

As I'm trying to buckle Dylan in, the rain starts COMING DOWN!
I finally get his buckle snapped and pull myself into the backseat (of a four-door Mazda Protege by the way) and slam the door shut. I'm practically sitting on top of Dylan now.

"Shut your door!" I yell to Elizabeth, and she did it.

Whew! We're not getting rained on. The rain is pelting the car by now. The drops are soooo big they sound like hail hitting the roof of the car. I finish buckling Benny into his seat then try to get Elizabeth buckled. I'm at such a weird angle, I can't do it. She refused to even try to buckle herself.

The rain is still pelting.
Ok. I have to go out there.
I pull the door handle.
Nothing.


AH SHIT!
I have forgotten that I have the back doors set to child lock. Which means of course that they cannot be opened from INSIDE THE CAR!

I am totally not able to climb over the back seats into the front seat to open a door. I am friggin trapped.

Elizabeth, however, is unbuckled and tiny.

"Climb into mommy's seat right now!" I tell her. "Then open mommy's door and get out and open Dylan's door and let me out."

"Ok mom!"

And that girl scurried her tiny butt over the front seats, into the drivers seat. Opened the drivers door, hopped out in the pouring rain, popped open Dylan's door...

"Run and get into your seat again!" I said as I hopped out of the backseat and ran around to her door to buckle her.
The rain was hitting my back like coins coming out of a dime slot machine. It freaking hurt! And it was coooooold!

I got Elizabeth buckled, slammed her door. Ran around to my side of the car, hopped into the drivers seat, slammed the door.

Then, and only then, did I laugh. I laughed my ass off as I listened to the giant droplets of rain smash against my car.

Just another day. :)

ANTM Cycle 12: Tenth Elimination

Is it just me or is this season really getting boring? Er I mean CYCLE.
Noone is ripping out tracks or getting pushed into pools by 50 Cent or viciously hating each other and tampering with various foodstuffs.
Where's the passion and the glory.

Anyway...we're almost done.

Final four...two gorgeous black women and two bleached out albinos. Fitting.
This week they are learning the Samba. In Brazil. Tres jolie. Er, I mean Fiesta!

Aminat did the best at faking that she knew how to dance. Allison looked like a gerbil, an albino gerbil.
Surprise Celia was stiff. And Teyona proved that not all black girls can dance. Well, Teyona and Whitney Houston teamed up on that one.

At the samba dance challenge the girls had a chance to win $7,000 in jewelry.
BIG surprise, Celia relaxed and won the challenge! Aminat was PISSED off. PIIIIIISSED off.

Another big surprise, Celia shared her prize with Allison instead of the second runner up....which is like duh, but apparently Paulina and Aminat were actually surprised by that. Huh?
Whatever.

Also noteworthy, Aminat used the word "dichotomy" and used it correctly. I was super freaking impressed. Who knew models had brains?

Tyra did a very lame acting performance to usher the girls into their photoshoot. Birds in a nest. Tyra was the photographer. The styling was actually cool. Though I thought it definitely was better for the white girls, just speaking from a perspective of contrast. Albino girl against super dark background vs dark skinned girl against super dark background. Eh, just my thought.

Allison's shot was the best. I think she might just win this whole thing.

Callout was pretty predictable
Allison
Teyona
Leaving Aminat and Celia in bottom two.


Celia finally gets the boot for being so old. 25.
Tyra is so insulting when she tells her "you definitely should stay in fashion, as a designer or stylist"
BEEEE-yotch!
Final three next week....and that's it. Whew. I was tired of this anyway.

ANTM Cycle 12: Ninth Elimination

Last week, my fave Natalie got the boot. Dang!
This week:
Finally it's time for go-sees! I expect a lot of footage inside cabs, girls running around like crazy and some bitchy designers not loving our final five.

Check, check, check!
And of course the first rule of go-sees is get yourself booked. The second rule of go-sees is DO NOT ARRIVE BACK LATE. You cannot be late! At all! Not even one minute!

After 11 prior seasons of this, these girls should know this.
However, Celia and Fo both showed up late after the go-sees. They thought they were safe though when the designer's assistant ushered the whole pack up to the roof for a helicopter ride...but surprise!!
Celia and Fo got punk'd! They ain't riding in a helicopter! Their bitch asses were late. DQed!

Catch a cab hos.

Teyona ended up winning the go-see challenge and got some clothes from each of the five designers who were booking, or not booking, the girls that day.
I still don't get the Teyona appeal, but whatever.

Next the girls are doing a sexy bathing suit photo shoot with the lovely Nigel Barker, fashion photographer extraordinaire. And a hot former model in his own right. Mmmm. Nigel.

Aminat has a banging bikini body, but doesn't bring it to set.
Fo is being repeatedly criticized for being too short, commercial looking and disingenuous. Which leads to the point, models wearing not their own clothes in fake and outlandish situations, taking crazy pictures to sell products we don't need....but they must look "real". Confusing.

Moving on.
Allison worked the set, showed off her bikini bod, and was awesome.
Teyona is proclaimed a great model while Celia over-rehearsed her poses and is coming off posey and removed.

At panel Tyra reveals how many jobs each girl booked at the go-sees. Teyona booked all three jobs she went to. Celia got 3 of 4. Aminat, 2 of 3. Allison whose photo was kick ass, only booked 1 of 4 jobs, which surprises Tyra...but not those of us who saw her dreadful attempt at catwalk.
Fo the Formerly Fierce not only looks like a troll in her picture, but she booked no jobs despite making it to five go-sees.
Ouch.

The callout order is no surprise.
Teyona
Allison
Aminat

Leaving Celia the Old and Fo the Formerly Fierce in the bottom two.
Despite being desperately over the hill, at 25, Celia is spared and Fo is chopped from the competition for being too short and not knowing how to work her stumpy body in photo shoots.

If Celia is old and Fo is short, then I am an ancient midget in Tyra's eyes.

ANTM Cycle 12: Eighth Elimination

Last time: Tyra and Co. sent home London for being fat and having no face.

This week, the remaining girls are jetting off to Brazil! Que bom!
Immediately on arrival, they have to do a challenge. Find a flower shop, then find the Girl from Ipanema.
Racing through the city, oh the suspense!
Fo and Natalie win the challenge!

The Girl from Ipanema gives them the key to their new pad and some barely intelligible advice about movement.

Once in the hizzy, the girls get a gift basket including $500 flip flops! For real? I have flip flops that look just like them and I got them at the Walmart for like $6. Fashion is a ripoff!

And I'm sorry to report that once again Natalie is a sourpuss, whiny bitch. She said there's "nothing special about Brazil" yeah, like Palos Verdes is that friggin incredible! Ugh, she's 18 and a SoCal snob jerk already.

What's so great about Brazil? Uh, how about this, this, this and this?

Get it? Got it? Goooood.

Then the girls do a capoeira teach where they learn the moves from this Brazilian martial art.
Uh oh, Natalie is a hot mess. The other girls work it. But noone works it like Celia who actually "accidentally" pops a roundhouse kick into Aminat's dome. Sweet.

There's a photo challenge where the girls use their capoeira moves to take fierce pic. Duh, Fo wins!
Allison is surprisingly good, the rest of the girls are fierce tranny hot messes.

As the winner, Fo gets to steal 25 shots from another girl for the next photo shoot, she chooses to take Teyona's snaps. Ohhhh snap. That's what you get girl. To her credit, Teyona didn't get all (in my husband's words) Queen Latifah about it. She said she was flattered that Fo yanked her shots. Then proceeds to yap behind Fo's back about it with Aminat.

For the actual photo shoot, the girls are styled like Carmen Miranda and pose in a favela, which is like a Brazilian shanty town. Incidentally, there is a kickass taqueria in Vacaville, Calif. called Favelas and it's the bomb. Yummy.

During the shoot, Allison and Teyona pull it out. Celia and Aminat are sort of flat. Fo "needed the extra frames" and Natalie....well, she sort of picked one pose and hung with it...more on that later.

At panel Paulina's fake tan is horrendous. Like Lohan bad.
Critiquing the shots:
Allison is alive and sexy.
Fo is too much a copycat of the real Carmen Miranda, not enough model.
Teyona must have known she had to work it with less frames because her pic is fierce.
Aminat is displaying the "black girl model pose" Heeeeey! And is consequently boring.
Celia has no spark, it's her "weakest shot yet" and is not fresh.
Natalie also has no spark....but wait....

The judges say Natalie didn't mix it up enough and DAMN STUPID BITCH BLAMES MR. JAY! No no no no! That is a Top Model NO NO! You NEVER ever ever EVER blame Mr. Jay for your bad shots! Ahhhhhhh shit. This is no bueno.

Call out order!

Allison, damn girl!
Teyona despite the nightie dress
Fo, fieeeeerce
Celia

Bottom two: Aminat and Natalie
And damned if Natalie didn't get the boot....crap.
"Modeling isn't just being pretty and taking pretty pictures," Tyra said.
Well, then what the hell IS it about? Astrophysics?
I'm lost!

Natalie too was pissed, as I predicted just after her ouster, she was flabbergasted that SHEEEEE was sent home as SHEEEEE is clearly better than everyone and they're all hags and skanks. I'm paraphrasing here.
So, Natalie is leaving unremarkable Brasilia and heading back to the PV. What up Rancho Palos Verdes!?!?!? RPV in the hizzy! Can I get a trust fund?

Overheard!!

At The Oaks shopping center in Thousand Oaks, Calif.

Mother: Ok, you girls go shopping and meet us back here in two hours.
Daughter: Mom! How are we going to know what time it is? None of us have any phones!


Sigh.

Lemme upgrade ya!

I made an epic decision yesterday and replaced all my digusting aging cut up stained plastic cutting boards with beautiful brand new hardwood cutting boards. Yay!
I got a set of three for $15. Gotta love Wal-Mart!

They came shrink-wrapped in plastic, so I got out a knife to free my brand new fun stuff!

As I'm putting the knife to the plastic to slice it open I actually had this thought....


"Be careful! Don't cut the cutting boards"

Sigh.
I immediately realized how stupid that sounded. As if to prematurely cut the cutting boards would be a travesty. THAT'S WHAT THEY'RE FOR!!! To get all scratched and cut on and damaged!!

I'm such a dork.

And anyone who ever calls me will appreciate this little upgrade. I FINALLY went and bought a new phone for the house! Yay!
Our OLD phone had a charge life of about 2.4 seconds and was constantly running out of juice mid-conversation. So annoying.
Plus since we switched to the cable phone we had only ONE phone jack for the whole house and the handset was constantly being left off the hook or would be clear across the house (yeah, the vast expanse) and we wouldn't be able to find it and the calls would go to the answering machine even though we were RIGHT THERE because we couldn't find the damn phone!

So today I went and spent the whopping $40 to get a brand new cordless phone with answering machine built in (I HATE voicemail) and an EXTRA handset with it's own charger base. So we can have a phone here by the computer where the modem is and then anywhere else we want where there's a plug!
Yay!
This is a tiny thing I know, but I guarantee it will make a huge difference in my life.
And that folks, is just how old and sad I am!

We made doughnuts!

Here's me rolling out dough, thanks Dylan for this picture!


The doughnuts, cut out and ready to proof - this is six hours into the process!


Proofing! See them puffing up! These are yeast doughnuts.


Elizabeth applies the topping, cinnamon sugar


The finished product. Not looking as good as they taste!


Ben flashes his teeth in anticipation...


And is handsomely rewarded!


Dylan macks down on some doughnut grub


Elizabeth also enjoys some delicious homemade pastry!

Out of State Plates Experiment Update

I'm barely five days into this experiment and it's already a raging success. I'm up to 21 states and British Columbia Canada.

Here is my updated map...

Avast there me hearties! It be AshBeard!

A series of unfortunate events has led to this. Dylan is now a pirate.

Yesterday at around 5 pm, Elizabeth tossed a handful of discarded fireplace ashes into her brother's face.
No good.
She went to time out while I stuck Dylan in the tub to wash off all the ashes. He was furiously rubbing his eyes.

"Did it get INTO your eyes?"

"YES! Mommy my eyes hurt!"

So I started rinsing out his eyes with water, which naturally he totally loved and did NOT scream bloody murder into my ear at all!

Actually you know that's not true. He screamed and flailed around in the bathtub like a fish on land. I did the best rinse job I could and set him free.

He kept on rubbing the right eye all night.
This morning he woke up and it was all puffy and red. Uh oh.

There was no way he was going to let me rinse it again. He wouldn't even let me look at it.

I brought him into the doctors office where they tied him up gently restrained him and rinsed out his eyeball.
The doctor said that no big chunks of stuff came out, which is good I guess? Lots of eyelashes though, probably from the incessant rubbing.

Halfway through the procedure, Dylan yelled out "THAT'S ENOUGH!!!"

But as I said before, it was only half enough. By convincing him that pirates are cool and he could be one when we finished, Dylan let the gals finish rinsing his eye.

That's not to say that he didn't keep screaming about it, he just opened his eye for them.

After he was all dried off, Dylan got his cool eye patch.
Because he was so "good" he got to pick two stickers AND then I took him to the airport to look at airplanes. With his one good eye.
When we got home he got a piece of chocolate and immediately ripped off the patch. No no!
The patch is on until tonight at least sir!

Four Hours of Fun

Yesterday we had a teacher home visit from Elizabeth's school. They say they're not checking out your house, but come on. They must be!
I cleaned like crazy. The house looked very nice and the home visit was smooooooth.

Afterwards, I loaded the kids into the car so that we could make the hour-long drive to Holbrook, Ariz. the Navajo County seat. We had to go there so I could get copies of all the kids' birth certificates. The school needs a copy to make sure I haven't smuggled illegal immigrants into their program.
I could have done it over the interweb, but it would have cost me upwards of $40 for each certificate. Times three kids = way too much money. AND it takes like 5-8 weeks to get the dang things through the mail.
To go in person is a long drive, but I'd get them in hand that day AND it only costs $10 a copy. NO brainer right.

So we set out for Holbrook at around 11 am.
Here's the drive from north of Snowflake to the fantastic hustling bustling big city of Holbrook....



Ha! Tricked ya! It's a whole lot of hot nothing. Well, some cows.

We got to the office at 10 minutes to noon, which was great because they don't process anything between noon and 1 pm. Lunch time!
I filled out the applications, and the gal printed the certificates out in less than 5 minutes. Easy peasy.

Oh, but wait....
I go to write a check for the $30. She immediately snatches the certificates back to her side of the desk.

"You can write a check, but then I have to hold these until it clears. Five weeks."

"FIVE weeks??!?"

"Five weeks."

OK. Shit.
I tell her I'll go get cash and come back. She puts the certs in her drawer and shuffles us out of the office and runs out the back door to her lunch break.
Shit!!
Now I have to go get cash and then waste an hour. In Holbrook.
Christina is laughing her butt off right now.

So yeah, what to do.
I went and got cash from the Chevron ATM and drove BACK to the offices, parked my car and discovered that we were one block away from the Navajo County Museum. Sounds like fun!

Here's the building itself.


Kinda old and cool no? It used to be the county courthouse. The first one ever. It also used to house county offices. There was a big famous hanging there once. Now it's a museum and the chamber of commerce.

The kids played jail in a cage that was outside. Better get used to those bars kid.


Inside was a REAL jail, the first Navajo County jail. It was friggin creepy! I went into the jail and I was totally creeped out instantly, the kids ran out screaming.


Then we saw an old-timey model of a post office. That was pretty cool also.


There were all kinds of exhibits, a real chuck wagon, a replica of a early 20th century western kitchen and living room. It was pretty neat. Even the kids, who normally couldn't care less about that sort of thing, thought it was awesome.

Being that it's Holbrook, the gateway to the petrified forest, there are dinosaurs and petrified wood and geodes and all kind of rock shops all over the place. This one was right outside the museum. I hit my head on it's scary claw. Dinos ARE dangerous!



Of course, we had to go visit the giant dinos as well.



We walked around town a bit, killing time. We happened to stroll by a house with a giant pit bull in the front yard that wanted to kill us.
Dylan screamed like he WAS getting eaten. Then he froze. I had to drag him, the baby in the stroller and his sister away from the insane barking dog. It was another block before the dog shut up and Dylan stopped screaming. I seriously thought the cops would come.

After that fun experience, we went back to the health office, paid for the certs and left. Bada bing bada boom. In and out.

On the way home I decided to go through Heber-Overgaard instead of Snowflake/Taylor. Yes, the punctuation matters.
H-O is about 40 or so miles west of Holbrook. Here is the drive between the two.


I swear this is not the same picture as before! There's just a whole lot of nada out there. Look to the left of the road, nada. Look to the right, nada!

We did come up on a pretty nice view of the rain coming up the rim.


Other than that though....nada. Nada damn thing out there.
No wonder my mom calls it the moon.

By the time we got home it was coming up on 3 pm. The actual procuring the birth certificates took a total of 10 minutes. Twenty if you count the time it took me to drive to get cash from the ATM and back.
And THAT is the joy of living in a rural county!

ANTM: Cycle 12 - Second Elimination

Makeovers!!
As per usual most of the makeovers fall into one of these categories...with some overlapping...

*Dark haired girl gets bleach blonde hair
*Long haired girl gets pixie cut
*Short haired girl gets super long weave
*Pretty girl gets nice haircut

Oh and Natalie totally punked out. Shit! I thought for sure she'd get eliminated just based on being a lame-o but her picture came out slammin' so she was safe.

Other notes on the makeovers:
I hate the black girl with the bleach blond buzz cut thing, not the girl herself but the style.
I like Fo's haircut, even though she whined about it like a baby
Why'd they take away Aminat's fro?
Kortnie got red hair to complement her fake tan skin? Ha!
Natalie! Stop freaking out!
Teyona - Gheri curl? Really? That's getting re-done!

OK...
They did a Walmart.com Cover Girl challenge showcasing the new mascara Eyelights. Which incidentally, I use and really think is neat.
Anyway, the team of Aminat (former fro), Sandra (bleach blonde buzz cut), and Celia (Linda Evangelista esque now) wins and Aminat and Sandra promptly turn on each other at dinner with Sandra calling Aminat trashy and then later at the photo shoot and panel each delighted in the other's struggles. Harsh!


At the photo shoot, the girls had to use light sticks to light themselves for the shot. Some girls did great and looked amazing, some girls gave themselves campfire lighting and ended up looking dreck. Ahem Jessica "I'm much more prettier than half the other girls here" Santiago. Shhh, you're too cocky too soon, this does not bode well for you! Paulina Porizkova said she looked like a monster, I think Paulina is the Simon of this show.

Apart from disparaging some very nice outfits, the panel also made these comments about the girls at panel...

Fo = Is she a model?
Kortnie = Not invested
Nijah = Smile with your eyes girl!
London = Dramatic, in a good way
Allison = Alienesque and fantastic!
Sandra = a new one for me, No tension?
Celia = Fabulous
Jessica = Ugly ugly pic, too mean looking too tense
Tahlia = not enough tension (tension is the new smile with your eyes I guess!)
Natalie = Phenomenal
Teyona = Rocked the photo despite bad hair that needs to be fixed
Aminat = Totally lost in the crowd in the photo


Fo and Jessica ended up in the bottom two. Fo because she cried about her makeover and couldn't work it in the picture. Jessica because she relied on pretty and didn't model enough...plus she's a beeeyotch!

Jessica got the boot and her parting words included the sentiment that she was STILL much prettier than all the other girls.
Didn't you get that memo Jess? Pretty doesn't cut it in Top Model. You've got to put pretty on the picture yo!

Tune in next week! Who will be eliminated?

I'm not as fun as daddy, and I'm truly so sorry about that

Bob was home this weekend after spending four days in New Mexico for work. He's going back tonight or tomorrow, which is sad for the kids. They are all totally in love with daddy. To them, he glows! He IS the sun.
The other day Elizabeth said that she loved daddy so much because he is "soooooo fun"

"Isn't mommy fun?"
"Uh, no."
"What?! We just spent an hour playing your fairy video game together and I'm not fun?"
"Ok ok, you're fun."

Damn right I'm fun!

But my funness was totally trumped by daddy's funness when he took the two big kids to Pottery Hill to hunt for pottery shards and look for cool rocks and wildlife.

When they got back Elizabeth told me about the highlight of the excursion the absolute most fun thing ever...

"Mom! Oh my gosh! I saw ELK POOP!"

Yippee!
Not only am I less fun than daddy, I'm less fun than poop. A crushing blow.

Some recent pics, none of poop.

Benny, seemingly armless in the jumperoo


Here's me, not being fun


Dylan feeding the cats


Elizabeth, she's sooo fun


Benny, trying to cruise around the room

80s Movie Summaries....Reimagined....

Name this movie!

A gigolo dance instructor turns his lecherous intentions to the youngest daughter of a prominent New York physician during her summer vacation. The ilicit affair disrupts both the management and clientele at a once posh mountain getaway.

Or how about this one...

An intelligent, but lazy, ne'er do well shuns his education, steals a car and traipses through the streets of Chicago wreaking havoc with his slutty cheerleader girlfriend and his hypochondriacal socially stunted best friend.

That one was too easy...
How about this?

A lovelorn suburban high schooler entrusted to care for the children of a family friend instead drags them into the seedy underbelly of inner city Chicago getting mixed up with a ring of car thieves, a murderous tow truck driver and a gangland knife fight.

Now you do one!

We're confusing each other!

Oh my!
This JUST happened.

My ear was itchy.
I poked my finger into my ear to scratch the itch. There was dried blood! Yipes!
Just then, Bob walked by me.

Me: There's blood in my ear.
Bob: Oh my God! I thought you were going to say 'urine'
Me: There's urine in my ear????
Bob: No! There's blood in your urine!
Both of us: (laughing uncontrollably)
Bob: Cuz, that would be way worse.
Me: I guess!

Overheard!

I'm always hearing and seeing funny things. I like to eavesdrop and I'm good at it! I'm short, so people tend to ignore me. I always look frazzled and am toting a million children around, so people assume I'm not paying attention to anything around me. And I have a knack for stumbling into the most ridiculous conversations and situations. It's really brilliant.
Plus, I have a great memory so, no need to write down all the gems I overhear.

These excellent qualities converge to allow me to appear to be, oh I don't know let's say, merely pumping gas into my car and making funny faces at my kids when I am actually listening to this:

Gal trying to buy gas: (drops card into sliding security tray) On number 1 please! (walks away)
Gal in the glass booth: Wait!
Gas buyer: (comes back confused) Yes?
Gal in the booth: You need another card. (Pushes tray back out)
Gas buyer: What? I don't know how this works. (takes card and looks at it)
Gal in the booth: You need a card to PAY for the gas.
Gas buyer: Isn't that what this does? I don't know how it works.
Gal in the booth: No. That just gives you a discount.
Gas buyer: Ohhhhh! So I need to give you cash?
Gal in the booth: Cash works.

Sigh.
The stupid girl tried to buy gas using ONLY her Safeway Club Card. Just when I thought noone could be that dumb. Wow. This wasn't like a 16 year old kid either, which would be moderately forgiveable. This chick was at least my age.

How do you get that far into life and not understand how to buy gas. And furthermore, how do you not understand the sole function of a store discount card.
What did she think, she just got approved for a Safeway credit card??? I mean, really?!?

Oh yea, I laughed about that one.

First School Program!

Because I'm a dorkface and left my camera in the car, I have no pictures of this. But my sister in law does and as soon as I can talk her through the download/upload process I'll put a picture on here!

Anyway...Elizabeth's class had their first little song and dance program last night. It's really just an incentive to get parents to come to the parent committee meeting, but hey, it works!
There's 18 kids in her class and I think all but a couple showed up for the performance, which was great! Her teacher was very nervous that noone would come or that the kids would freak out. Only one little girl had a minor breakdown, so that's a success! It was totally not the kid I thought would freak out either.

Elizabeth did great! Her aunt did her hair all beautiful and curly and like half the family showed up to watch her. Grandpa Mike even braved the freezing windy weather to see her sing!
When the show was all over she got flowers and a big balloon and that just made her day.
I was so proud of her, and proud of Dylan for not causing a ruckus during the show. Yay Dylan!
AND Ben is cutting ANOTHER tooth! He hardly lets me see them, he covers the teeth up with his tongue when I try to catch a glimpse. So getting a picture will be hard I think! Maybe after they pop out all the way?

A Quick Funny Post

Last night Bob was watching the Suns-Bulls game and we were all tortured by it treated to it as well. Basketball...eh. Not really my thing.
Anyway...

One of the Bulls players, Joakim Noah for those who care, has long hair and wears it tied back for games.
After watching the game for awhile, Elizabeth, ever the funny girl, said to me "Mom! There's ONE girl out there!"

After I stopped laughing so hard my belly hurt I said "No honey, they're all boys. He just has long hair."

"Oh," she said.

What will she think of Troy Polamalu today???