Monday, September 10, 2007

Britney Bombs

MTV Awards flourish despite Britney bomb
Britney totally bombed last night...and not in a funny campy way either. In a really sad, sad sad way.
I felt bad for her, but more so, for me. Because I had to watch it.
Oh my, how the slutty have fallen.
In what only can be called the worst comeback ever, Britney Spears lethargically performed the opener for the MTV Video Music Awards last night.
I wouldn't call it awful exactly, or unwatchable.
I could not STOP watching. Sort of like a bad car accident. Or when you look in a tissue to see what you just blew out of your nose.
It was like that ya'll.
The Lowlights
*Her outfit, unbearably horrid. Showing off all the wrong things, like poochy belly. Poochy belly no good for primetime dancing.
*Her hair, no worse than usual. Which means, stringy, overly bleached, obvious extensions...not good.
*And about that, yeah. I'm pretty sure that I've seen better dancing at a church sponsored junior high mixer. Scratch that. I KNOW I've seen better. Why for all that is holy and good would she choose a choreography that has her continually rolling her belly and pushing it out and shoving it in our faces. I don't like that. I mean, don't get me wrong. I know in the "real world" Britney is a normal girl. Nay, a thin girl. But goodness gracious. Have the wherewithal to realize that MTV is definitely NOT the real world.
*The "Singing" - There was a point in that performance where she just totally gave up trying to lip synch (er...sing with the backing track) and concentrated on her fly dope moves. Yeah. Yeah....

In summary, don't call it a comeback Brit, unless you (the actual unmedicated, non-crazy YOU) is actually going to COME BACK!
Don't tease me!
Royal screwup? Oops...she....well, you know.


Andrea said...

While her performance really was awful, I have to say that if I had her body I would be thrilled. The girl has had two kids in less than a year! I do realize she is not the super hardbody she once was, but let's give sad, mentally disturbed Britney a break. Also I thought she was going to run onstage and kick Sara Silverman's a** during her opening.

Jessica said...

If she would have bum-rushed Sarah Silverman, I would have been cool with that. And nobody would even REMEMBER how cruddy her little talent show performance was.
I felt uncomfortable with Silverman's jokes, and I don't even know Britney and I was kind of mad at her at the time for wasting three precious minutes of my life with poocrap.
That said...I'd be SUPER thrilled to have the much maligned New Britney body. And I'd probably sell one of my kids if I could get an instant Classic Britney body. Not "Hit me baby..." but "I'm a slave for you"
I can't imagine what kind of a fat piggie sloth I would be if I had two kids in 12 months. I had two in 22 months (like almost two years ago!) and I'm still on the squishy side...
Yay Britney!!!
But, she can't do *that* ever ever again. Ever ever ever again.

And where's Meredith on this one???

Anne Marie said...

I'm sad, too! I'm really sad that I missed watching the drama unfold last night, but, I have to agree that we do need to give Britney a break. Her life just keeps getting more and more disturbing, I think it would be best for EVERYONE if she just took some time to herself and did her best to stay away from the cameras as much as possible. I'm in shock that she even took the risk and went out there on stage last night... so sad, so sad.

Jessica said...

AM I could not agree more. That girl needs to stop slapping her mom and move back to Louisiana where people will leave her the hell alone. Just retreat, get your life together, stop getting married!
I need Britney to get a hotline so I can call her up...

"Hey Britney? It's Jessey. Look, hon, put down the Cheetos and take a bath. And don't Whitestrip the kids' teeth anymore. Yeah, that's not good for them."

But I love Britney. I'm rooting for her. She's just so very disturbed right now. Seriously, there's fear in my heart for that a little astray kid sister, you know?

Anne Marie said...

I try not to get too envious over Britney's bod- even though it does look awesome! I don't know if it's true but I'm pretty sure that she had like $150,000 of "improvements" done immediately after baby no.2... so imagine what all mommies would look like if we had that kind of $$$ to get a little work done!

Anne Marie said...

I totally agree, move back home, be nice to mommy, and just brushing the kids teeth is probably sufficient- whitestrips are NOT safe! I think Britney would be SO lucky to have a friend like you to turn to for advice!

Jessica said...

I was THRILLED beyond belief when my OB sewed my tummy up tighter (as in, cut out the old scar, made a new one) when I birthed Dylan.
I'm still a chunka, but man that was awesome! I couldn't imagine getting the C-section/tummy tuck combo that's all the supposed rage...
Want it though. Want it!

Meredith said...

Poor, poor Brit Brit. It was painful to watch but also like a car accident...I could not look away! Where did the sweet innocent girl go whose music we used to rock to at The Grad? Anyhow, I understand why she's such a mess...if someone was threatening to take my kids away I'd lose it too. I'd just NOT gyrate in front of America though. Move back to LA, and be nice to your Mommy again!