Dylan is an incredible pain in the butt.
He is three years old, and I suppose this stubborn, borderline psychotic temperment comes with the age. I hope it does because I cannot continue to parent THIS child for the next 15 years, at least not without very strong medication. For us both.
This is a typical day for Dylan, so naturally he is insane and nonsensical.
Dylan: Moooooom! I'm HUNGRY!!!
Me: You just ate cereal!
Dylan: I'M HUNGRYYYYYYY!
Me: Alright! What do you want?
Dylan: (collapsing into a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor) I can't TELL YOU!
Me: Oh geez.
Dylan: Mom!! I'm hungry for food!
Me: What kind of food?
Dylan: (more sobbing) I. Don't KNOOOOOOW!
Me: Lord, give me the strength today.
Then he ran away and apparently forgot his gut wrenching hunger for about a half hour. He returned demanding fruit snacks, but not Dora fruit snacks or Nemo fruit snacks, ONLY SPONGEBOB.
Seriously, why do they even MAKE different characters? All the flavors are the same. They all taste like way too sugary fruit punch Kool-Aid. I'm not sure why the gummy snacks come in different colors even.
Anyway...he got his SPONGEBOB snacks.
Then....he came into the room with a strange look on his face.
Me: Dylan! Did you poop your diaper?
Dylan: No! (and he runs away)
Two minutes later he came back with wipes and a container of baby powder.
Dylan: Mom! I pooped my pants! I need wipes and salt.
Dylan: Yeah, I need this salt. (hands me the powder)
Me: This is powder. For babies. You don't need it.
Dylan: I neeeeed the saaaaaalt.
Oh good grief.