Monday, February 16, 2009

The heights of frustration

Dylan is an incredible pain in the butt.
He is three years old, and I suppose this stubborn, borderline psychotic temperment comes with the age. I hope it does because I cannot continue to parent THIS child for the next 15 years, at least not without very strong medication. For us both.

This is a typical day for Dylan, so naturally he is insane and nonsensical.

Dylan: Moooooom! I'm HUNGRY!!!
Me: You just ate cereal!
Me: Alright! What do you want?
Dylan: (collapsing into a sobbing heap on the kitchen floor) I can't TELL YOU!
Me: Oh geez.
Dylan: Mom!! I'm hungry for food!
Me: What kind of food?
Dylan: (more sobbing) I. Don't KNOOOOOOW!
Me: Lord, give me the strength today.

Then he ran away and apparently forgot his gut wrenching hunger for about a half hour. He returned demanding fruit snacks, but not Dora fruit snacks or Nemo fruit snacks, ONLY SPONGEBOB.

Seriously, why do they even MAKE different characters? All the flavors are the same. They all taste like way too sugary fruit punch Kool-Aid. I'm not sure why the gummy snacks come in different colors even.

Anyway...he got his SPONGEBOB snacks.

Then....he came into the room with a strange look on his face.

Me: Dylan! Did you poop your diaper?
Dylan: No! (and he runs away)

Two minutes later he came back with wipes and a container of baby powder.

Dylan: Mom! I pooped my pants! I need wipes and salt.
Me: Salt?
Dylan: Yeah, I need this salt. (hands me the powder)
Me: This is powder. For babies. You don't need it.
Dylan: I neeeeed the saaaaaalt.

Oh good grief.


Susie said...

do you salt your sidewalks or driveway? Maybe he thinks if you salt his butt the poop won't stick? LOL

Jessica said...

Hilarious. The boy needs salt!!!

Kenna said...

That is too funny:)

I totally feel your pain...Nathan drives me crazy too!!!

Maribeth said...

It isn't just a boy thing. Ryleigh does the same thing (hunger that starts as soon as she finishes breakfast). The conversation is identical to my mornings. I feel comfort knowing I am not alone with the "I don't knoooowwww". My other favorite question, "WHY Mommy WHY".

Jessica said...

Shortly after I wrote this post, Dylan appeared to inform me that he was hungry.
He was also covered in "salt"
Head to toe.

Let me tell you, THAT crime scene was FUN to clean up.

Jessica said...

PS Jess: Get yourself ready! You've only got a couple years and this will be your house too!

Anonymous said...

I don't understand, you are MOM. You are supposed to know what he wants without him having to spell it out for you. You deserved to have him cover himself in salt!

Jessica said...

That is true Amy. He wanted salt on his bum and I refused him.
He showed me who's boss!

JD said...

That whole breakfast conversation sounds exactly like the ones I used to have with my son throughout his teenage years. "I'm hungry, I'm starving." "OK. What do you want?" "I can't tell you. I just want food. FOOD!!!" Mr. Dylan is starting his teenage years early.

Jessica said...

He totally gets this from his dad. I ask Bob, What do you want for dinner? He invariably says "Food."