Friday, May 29, 2009

The One In Which I Find Myself Stuck in the Back Seat*

*and not in a good way!

Today I woke up and assessed our milk situation. My whole family welfare revolves around the availability of milk. With three kids aged 5 and under and a cereal fiend for a husband, yeah, we gotta have milk in the damn house.

This morning we were down to less than half a gallon. No bueno. I wipe my ass with half a gallon of milk. Not literally.

Half a gallon of milk lasts about half a day around here. Just so you know.

Immediately my day's plans become clear. Item one on the agenda: GET MILK SO YOU GOT MILK!!!

With the plan of going to get milk then going to the school's lunch program in the afternoon, I packed up the kids and left the house around 10:45 am. Dangerously cutting it close during the rainy season.

We got to Wal-Mart and the sky above was black black black. Like Deebo black. An angry punk. Trying to make me give it my bike!

We finished the Wal-Mart shopping without major incident. I bought a little foam cooler for my milk as I totally planned to be at the lunch for awhile and didn't want my milk to get gross.

I get to the car in the parking lot and I immediately realize that all my plans are about to go bunk. The sky now is SUPER dark, there's lightning flashing everywhere. No rain....yet.

I get Benny in his seat. Elizabeth and Dylan hop into their car seats. I pop the trunk. Unload with a QUICKNESS. Return the cart to the cart corral, because I'm not a punk bitch! then get started on buckling the kids.

I told Elizabeth "buckle Benny!" as I started to buckle Dylan into his seat. It was starting to sprinkle, but I could FEEL the real rain coming.

"I can't. I don't know how!!!" Elizabeth yelled back, though she totally does.

As I'm trying to buckle Dylan in, the rain starts COMING DOWN!
I finally get his buckle snapped and pull myself into the backseat (of a four-door Mazda Protege by the way) and slam the door shut. I'm practically sitting on top of Dylan now.

"Shut your door!" I yell to Elizabeth, and she did it.

Whew! We're not getting rained on. The rain is pelting the car by now. The drops are soooo big they sound like hail hitting the roof of the car. I finish buckling Benny into his seat then try to get Elizabeth buckled. I'm at such a weird angle, I can't do it. She refused to even try to buckle herself.

The rain is still pelting.
Ok. I have to go out there.
I pull the door handle.

I have forgotten that I have the back doors set to child lock. Which means of course that they cannot be opened from INSIDE THE CAR!

I am totally not able to climb over the back seats into the front seat to open a door. I am friggin trapped.

Elizabeth, however, is unbuckled and tiny.

"Climb into mommy's seat right now!" I tell her. "Then open mommy's door and get out and open Dylan's door and let me out."

"Ok mom!"

And that girl scurried her tiny butt over the front seats, into the drivers seat. Opened the drivers door, hopped out in the pouring rain, popped open Dylan's door...

"Run and get into your seat again!" I said as I hopped out of the backseat and ran around to her door to buckle her.
The rain was hitting my back like coins coming out of a dime slot machine. It freaking hurt! And it was coooooold!

I got Elizabeth buckled, slammed her door. Ran around to my side of the car, hopped into the drivers seat, slammed the door.

Then, and only then, did I laugh. I laughed my ass off as I listened to the giant droplets of rain smash against my car.

Just another day. :)


Kenna said...

That totally sounds like something I would do:)

Jason said...

I'm trying to figure out what the "in a good way" would be to be stuck in the back seat.