"You're ruining Christmas!"

That's what my mom just told me over the phone.

"Jessica Lynn! You're ruining Christmas! I'm a grandmother for Chrissakes!"

And here's why...

In September my mom first asked me what the kids want for Christmas. Yes. September. What can I say, the woman likes to plan ahead.

"They don't need any clothes or any toys," I told her.

"What? No toys?!? OK Scrooge. Good luck with that," she said.

"No mom, seriously. No toys. They have waaay too many toys. My whole house is covered in toys. I wake up under a blanket of toys. No toys. Please, I beg you, no toys."

Through her supreme Grandma powers she guilted me down to no INSIDE toys. All outside and REMAINING OUTSIDE toys would be permitted.

"But mom, I swear, if an inside toy comes into the house it's going right back out. I don't care how much they cry."

She proclaimed me heartless, but I stayed strong.


Cut to tonight...

We've worked out a handy arrangement where no inside toys will come here and the kids will get a big brand new OUTDOOR playhouse with a little kitchen area and I'm very happy with that.
But, of course, Nani isn't giving up that easily.

"What am I going to get these children? What will be under the tree?! They have to unwrap something! What will they unwrap? Socks?!"

"Yes, mom, socks. They need socks. I swear, I swear to God, no toys. No. Toys."

"But, just some little toys..."

"No! No toys! I will take a picture of Dylan's overflowing closet of toys and send it to you. There are so many toys you can't step into that closet. The only way that ONE toy is coming into this house is if you get rid of 20 in its place. No TOYS!"

"Well, they're going to have this new kitchen play area..."

"Mmm hmm," I said, sensing the negotiation beginning.

"...well, do they have pots?"

"Yes mom. They have play dishes, play pots, play food, play spoons, play everything. They will have no trouble furnishing their playhouse. No. Toys."

"Jessica Lynn! You're ruining Christmas! You're breaking Santa's heart."

"Mom, he's not real."

"Oh, you Scrooge!"

Buh Bye Baby Stuff

There are several things going on at the Evans Homestead presently...the most apparent of which is something I like to call The Great Baby Stuff Purge!
Since we're not having another baby, we can now safely dispose of, donate, lend out and hand down ALL the baby clothes, gear and accessories.
Thankfully, fate and fortune have aligned and there are no less than five pregnant ladies who are currently in the circle of trust.
A few of these ladies don't really need the donations, and are so far away as to make it not feasible, but they are still in the circle and shall be acknowledged! Shout out to AM and Mer!

Locally we have three four! available drop off points for baby stuff...a friend of mine, a mom from Elizabeth's class (oh wait, two moms!) and our possible future SIL. Sigh.
I'm also a big huge fan of bagging up clothes and donating them to Salvation Army or Big Brothers Big Sisters (which is huge up here) and letting them figure out what to do with them.
I'd estimate that I donate 6 bags (giant trash bags) full of clothes every year. We also GET a lot of hand-me-downs. I also donate shoes and silly toys we hate or are far too loud and annoying...etc. etc. Nice tax write-off, not that I need it.

Currently in our front room are two huge gift bags full of boy baby clothes, a baby bouncer seat, a swing, a bassinet and several assorted huge baby toys for my brother in law's impending infant. Yes! We FINALLY moved Ben out of the bassinet, which he outgrew oh, two months ago. Whoops!

Also ready to be lent out is a very nice port-a-crib which is slated to go to my friend Mandi after she moves into her new house.

This is very sad to me, since giving away my baby stuff is like saying all over again NO MORE BABIES. However, all these new babies coming into the world who I can enjoy and play with and snuggle and then go home without them, I like that too.

Which leads me to...I hate these celeb-moms who have a baby and then two months later are all skinny and flab free. F-off! Jessica Alba! I'm talking to you!
I wasn't model thin before kids, nor was I perfect in EVERY way, but still. My body is a hot mess now after three pregnancies in five years. A. Hot. Mess.

This morning I yawned in front of a full length mirror...never a good look even when you are Angelina Jolie. Anyway, my shirt crept up as I stretched, revealing the sad affair that is my tummy.
Egad!
I better get a piggy bank and start saving now for my plastic surgery...seriously. That tummy is totally not acceptable.
I don't want to look 15 again (maybe I do) and there's no way I ever could...too many bones to break to put me back together that tight ever again. But crap. Could I not look like I was just run over repeatedly with a meat tenderizer? That would rock.

Ben is 5.5 months old and it's time for me to seriously get back to working out, for reals. For REALLY REALS! Finally get this 20 pounds OFF of me! Then maybe try for 10 more.
Then when I finally DO hit the lottery/win at the casino/hit oil in my yard and have my fortune amassed I'll have that much less to do in the way of plastic surgery and I can spend my dollaz on bling.