Monday, June 23, 2008

The Six Week Weigh In: Frustrating and Annoying

First let me say that I am totally irritated with my scale, I think it is a piece of junk and I despise it. When I say junk, I mean shit, and I mean it like this "SHIT!"
Not just because I have not lost any weight this week...but because I have NO IDEA what I weigh at all because every time I step on the scale I get a different result. Bah!
All the numbers I'm getting are jumping around in the same five-pound range as last week, so I assume that I weigh the same as last week...though there's really no way to tell at all.

That's the baddest news.
Here's the bad news...I'm going to have to revise my weight loss plan entirely, seeing as how I seem totally incapable of budging the scale at all these last three weeks. It's really screwed me up plan-wise!
Maybe it's not advisable to try to lose weight while I'm nursing at all. Maybe I'm stressing on it unnecessarily right now when I should be focusing on other more important things.

I mean, I've already come a long way. Regardless of what the stupid scale says, I'm thinner and leaner than I was six weeks ago (obviously!) and I don't have that far to go to get back to the weight I was before I got pregnant. That is all good news.

Here is the best news...
Despite my complete fear of not fitting into them, I tried on a few pairs of the cute pants I bought last summer when I was skinnier. THEY FIT!!
I'm even wearing a pair of "skinny" pants right now as I type! Yay!

That puts me in clothes that are just two sizes bigger than what I wore in college my sophomore year when I worked out twice a day over the summer and got myself a nice eating disorder (coffee and tomatoes anyone) and got my body down to 135 pounds and STILL thought I was a fat cow.
I hate that girl. HATE! Not because she's a skinny bitch and still complains but because she had no freaking fun because she was way too concerned about what everyone was thinking about her all the time 24/7. As if anyone was as preoccupied with the size of her booty and the perceived lumpiness of her belly as she was.
Gah. Get over yourself!! I wish I could go back in time and shake myself!

Oh, and I'm also just one size bigger than I was when I graduated and when I met Bob, though somehow I'm 20-25 pounds heavier now than I was then, I think. That doesn't seem right! Right?
Maybe the scales have never worked correctly for me?

So, big picture now...
I've still got a lot of work to do. My long-term goal is the same, the same end-weight, which, fine I'll just say it, is 150 pounds.
Doing the cheap math, you'll see that I now weigh 175 pounds, or thereabouts (stupid scale) which is friggin' hideous and obese!! Blech.
Today I wear a size 16. But hey, I can also wear junior size 17 or 19 which kicks ass because I HATE old lady clothes and junior sizes are cut for narrow hipped skinny hos who have no kids and I have three kids and .... hold please .... 44 inch hips over the bones (which incidentally are not even padded with fat but rather poking out so figure THAT out).

There, all my cards are on the table...
I've spoken the numbers that dare not be spaked, spoken ...said.

Do you still love me? :)

PS - I don't know if Eleeza is out there or elsewhere, but she will remember hopefully that when I got measured for my wedding dress I had 45 inch hips and it almost made me cry, and that was (presumably) five pounds LIGHTER than I am now.
So boo-yah engaged me! I'm slightly smaller than you! Shazam!


eva said...

I still love you! and I'm right here. At my desk, at work, not really working. Thank goodness for RSS readers.

I honestly have no recollection of your measurements -- I was too excited to see you trying on wedding dresses. (which, incidentally, I just did with Ali and was also very fun.) Also, you probably looked fantastic in the dress and that was all that mattered. So chin up little one!

And, quite honestly, throw out that scale. When I was trying to lose weight a few years post-college (moving back in with my parents was depressing and led to eating way too much crap and gaining roughly 20 pounds), I just started exercising and watching what I ate and NOT weighing myself b/c it just led to unhealthy obsessing. The best measure is what you already described: Your sense of your own body image and most importantly, how your clothes fit. That will tell you more than any stupid scale.

Granted, I was not juggling three kids and a house at the time, but I still think the things you're already doing (exercising, trying to eat in moderation) are the best antidotes. Juggling three kids doesn't hurt either!

Jessica said...

Aw! Alison in a wedding dress!! Someone must send me pics!
My wife!

PS What do you mean "probably" looked fantastic??? Ho!

Jessica said...

PS I gained my post-college 20 pounds living out there in Hayward/San Leandro with Demian...enough to depress anyone!! I joke! I kid!

Anonymous said...

Toss the scale, and at least buy a new one. Or don't use one. I get annoyed when the numbers can change depending on something so silly as whether or not I drank an extra sip of water or am gassy or haven't had a BM all day, but it does help somewhat. I do measurements and check for clothes, but with the measurements - am I pulling the same tautness, am I at the same place - and with clothes, well I tend not to wash pants for awhile so they always feel lose, then after a washing, well are they tight b/c they're tight, or just because I've been wearing them dirty! The scale is the only thing that at least will tell me something consistently.

Jessica said...

I might tape a sign over the weight window n the scale that says
"You're still fat"
and call it good.

PS I weighed the kids on the scale and they BOTH got weights that were two pounds under their actual weights...gah!

Meredith said...

Dude, you are so doing awesome for just having a kid! I always thought it was too hard to get skinny while nursing since you are super hungry and thirsty all the time. It will all come off eventually - and for me, that took a YEAR so you are light years ahead of what I was. You rock sista!

P.S. I remember senior year you were around 150 and super tiny. You've had 3 kids yo! Don't be so hard on yourself :)
P.P.S. Love your face!

Jessica said...

I know! I should be proud of myself! I really am doing pretty well considering that six weeks ago I had JUST had a kid!

It's true, senior year I was around 150 and still in size 14 clothes...stupid giant hip bones! I know I can get back there it will just take time.
I don't think I was super tiny...but I'm hard on myself. :) Of course, I walked to and from campus every single day too...that helped.
See, I've just got to move back to UniSquare and that will solve all my fat butt problems!
Whoo hoo Cantina anyone?

Jessica said...

Oh my gosh! Mer and Joan...


Jessica said...

Cantina is gone!!! Not just closed, but demolished...
Uh. Wow.

Poor 'Tina

Anonymous said...

Jessey - The pic of you hiking looks super skinny to me, much thinner than previous pics on your blog. I also say toss the scale. Um, Uni-Square, I love the comments, rude management! Some things never change...
BTW, I am wearing some of my pre-pregnancy pants today, tight, with a muffin top, but still, I am happy. I celebrated by eating ice cream after lunch...
- Joan

Jessica said...

Yeah, I keep doing the same thing!
I work out, then have ice cream for dessert. Or my pants fit, so I put extra cheese on my sandwich...

Maribeth said...

Shazam! Love it. I haven't heard that word in awhile and it's great. I know exactly how you're feeling with the whole diet & nursing thing. It's just not possible. As you noticed I've totally stopped. When I make the decision to wean the little monkey I will start to diet (heck it will dry my up quicker). So don't worry dear. I think you look fab in the pictures you've been posting. Stop fretting over weight, enjoy being a mom to your newbie Ben. He won't be little forever.

Jessica said...

You're right! Soon he'll be a little hellion like the others...
I'm still gonna keep my eye on the scale... :)