Reporting my Success

I have been diligent about working out every day, I have watched my portion sizes, I have drank water and forsaken all other forms of hydration.

I have lost 4.6 pounds since Thursday.

You may cheer for me now!

I'm really encouraged by the quick results I'm seeing and it's just confirmation that my body is ready to shed the baby weight, I don't need it anymore and it's time to let go of it all.

Progress....

Since I got the new scale I've already lost two pounds! Yay!
I've been working out for an hour every day. It's great!
Now to just keep it up!

Ok, that's it, no more messing around....

Ben is almost eight months old and I'm still not getting anywhere on shedding the post-preg poundage. Not cool.

This fricking cold and ear infection is now the only thing in my way. Once I kick this, it's on!

Yesterday I used my WalMart gift cards from Christmas to get myself a fancy new digital scale that records my weight AND weight loss automatically. I've already got my start weight in there and it's no bueno.

I have all these excuses for why I'm not doing better for myself...the kids, the housework, the lack of time, the weather...it's all bullshit.
I have time, I put off housework for lesser reasons (like blogging), I have a Jeep stroller that the boys can strap into and run the park with me, I have exercise equipment at home for bad weather days....
I've just been lazy, dreading working out and all that. But enough is enough. I'm not happy with myself at all, and it has to stop.

So, yeah, that's that.

Ugh! I may remove an organ....

I think I'm going to have to get an elective splenectomy in order to see that scale move downward!!
I've been here at my mom's for almost a month now...walking around, swimming, chasing after kids, blah blah...
I still weigh 175.
DYLAN lost a pound, but I still weigh the same.
Unfair!!!

The only reason that I even weighed myself was to try to figure out how much Benjamin weighs now. Unofficially, he is weighing in at 15 pounds!! FIFTEEN!

Anyway...I have to go now and stuff my face because I'm starving. It takes a lot of food to keep my butt so fat.

The Perfect Jeans

In college I bought myself two pairs of Gap jeans from my second home the Arden Fair Mall.
I can't remember how old I was when I got them, but I was at least 19 and no older than 21...so at least nine years ago.
I wore those jeans a LOT. A LOT.
They were tight in all the places you want tight jeans and loose in all the places you want some wiggle room. These were my Perfect Jeans.

After graduation I started getting fat...boredom and a sudden drop in activity level were the main culprits. The day I knew that I was seriously getting way too fat was the day I was driving home from work, stuck in the usual traffic jam getting onto the San Mateo Bridge and my jeans were **SO TIGHT** that I had to unbutton them to be comfortable. Boy did I ever feel like a cow that night back in my apartment.

The next day the Perfect Jeans got taken out of rotation temporarily while I got back into shape.

Since then the scale has gone up and down. Gym membership? Down! Babies? UPPPPP! And so on and so forth.

These jeans have stayed with me through all of this as sort of a reminder of what size I should and could wear and also a measuring stick of just how stinking fat I am. Jeans won't button? TOO STINKING FAT!!! Jeans zip up but are cutting off circulation? STILL TOO FAT!! Jeans slip on perfectly...Looking good ese!

Last night I was feeling crummy about myself. I was starving hungry all day (I blame it on breastfeeding) and though I didn't eat a bunch of BAD foods, I did eat a BUNCH OF FOOD! I couldn't help it, I was STARVING!
All that pigging out made me feel sad and gross and fat and ugly. Clearly, I needed to check myself, before I proceeded to wreck myself.

So this morning, I pulled out the old Perfect Jeans thinking there was no way they'd pull on past my big fat butt, nevermind actually zip up. At least I'd get an accurate measurement of how fat I actually am, more accurate than the stupid scale at least! I figured myself to be at about, jeans will pull on but not button size....

With a deep exhale, I got ready for the ultimate test.
I put my feet into the jeans. They slid over my ankles...step one! No cankles! Let's keep going!

I pulled the jeans up to my knees. They didn't get stuck! Step two! No fat knees! Keeeeeep going!

Up and over my thighs. No tugging! No wiggling! Step three! We're heading to hip-town and ass-ville!

I pulled the jeans up and over my big wide butt, zipped up the zipper and buttoned the button. I did all this without holding my breath!!
A choir of angels began to sing! "Hallelujah!"
I stuck my thumb into the waistband of the Perfect Fat Ass Judging Jeans and pulled the fabric about an inch and a half away from my body!! They probably fit just as good now as they did in college when I was young and kidless!

The angel choir was at full blast!

"Hell yeah!" I said as I stood in my closet amazed.

"MOM!" someone hollered.
"What!?!" I said, upset to be shaken out of my Perfect Jeans daze. The angel choir disappeared.
"Can you dress my Barbie kid??"
"Yes I can!" I said as I skipped happily into Mom Service for the day wearing my Perfect Jeans!

Huzzah!!

The Six Week Weigh In: Frustrating and Annoying

First let me say that I am totally irritated with my scale, I think it is a piece of junk and I despise it. When I say junk, I mean shit, and I mean it like this "SHIT!"
Not just because I have not lost any weight this week...but because I have NO IDEA what I weigh at all because every time I step on the scale I get a different result. Bah!
All the numbers I'm getting are jumping around in the same five-pound range as last week, so I assume that I weigh the same as last week...though there's really no way to tell at all.

That's the baddest news.
Here's the bad news...I'm going to have to revise my weight loss plan entirely, seeing as how I seem totally incapable of budging the scale at all these last three weeks. It's really screwed me up plan-wise!
Maybe it's not advisable to try to lose weight while I'm nursing at all. Maybe I'm stressing on it unnecessarily right now when I should be focusing on other more important things.

I mean, I've already come a long way. Regardless of what the stupid scale says, I'm thinner and leaner than I was six weeks ago (obviously!) and I don't have that far to go to get back to the weight I was before I got pregnant. That is all good news.

Here is the best news...
Despite my complete fear of not fitting into them, I tried on a few pairs of the cute pants I bought last summer when I was skinnier. THEY FIT!!
Yay!
I'm even wearing a pair of "skinny" pants right now as I type! Yay!

That puts me in clothes that are just two sizes bigger than what I wore in college my sophomore year when I worked out twice a day over the summer and got myself a nice eating disorder (coffee and tomatoes anyone) and got my body down to 135 pounds and STILL thought I was a fat cow.
I hate that girl. HATE! Not because she's a skinny bitch and still complains but because she had no freaking fun because she was way too concerned about what everyone was thinking about her all the time 24/7. As if anyone was as preoccupied with the size of her booty and the perceived lumpiness of her belly as she was.
Gah. Get over yourself!! I wish I could go back in time and shake myself!

Oh, and I'm also just one size bigger than I was when I graduated and when I met Bob, though somehow I'm 20-25 pounds heavier now than I was then, I think. That doesn't seem right! Right?
Maybe the scales have never worked correctly for me?

So, big picture now...
I've still got a lot of work to do. My long-term goal is the same, the same end-weight, which, fine I'll just say it, is 150 pounds.
Doing the cheap math, you'll see that I now weigh 175 pounds, or thereabouts (stupid scale) which is friggin' hideous and obese!! Blech.
Today I wear a size 16. But hey, I can also wear junior size 17 or 19 which kicks ass because I HATE old lady clothes and junior sizes are cut for narrow hipped skinny hos who have no kids and I have three kids and .... hold please .... 44 inch hips over the bones (which incidentally are not even padded with fat but rather poking out so figure THAT out).

There, all my cards are on the table...
I've spoken the numbers that dare not be spaked, spoken ...said.

Do you still love me? :)

PS - I don't know if Eleeza is out there or elsewhere, but she will remember hopefully that when I got measured for my wedding dress I had 45 inch hips and it almost made me cry, and that was (presumably) five pounds LIGHTER than I am now.
So boo-yah engaged me! I'm slightly smaller than you! Shazam!

Feeling better...

The temperature has been less oppressive these last two days which has helped me to not dehydrate entirely. Whoo hoo!
I've been more vigilant about watering myself, which has really improved my mood. No more cramps and headaches. Yay!

As a preview to my weigh-in tomorrow I will now tell you how lazy I was all week.

My only actual day of exercise was Monday. I Gazelled for a half hour while watching "Big Fish" on TV.
Tuesday no formal exercise at all, though I did clean and chase kids. I THINK this was the evening that we walked around in the yard at night, I had the baby wrapped to me. Though, all the days are seeming to run together. Ah, monotony.

Wednesday I went through the whole day thinking it was Tuesday, just FYI. I took all three kids to Wal-Mart, enough exercise for one day! Walking around Wal-Mart for an hour with the baby wrapped is pretty decent cardio.

Thursday was the day we went to the park and hung out with pals. After that I went to Basha's (a supermarket chain in Arizona) and shopped for about an hour with the baby wrapped. It was VERRRRRY hot on this day.

Friday was my insane cleaning morning, which was very taxing on my system as evidenced by my total physical collapse later on that day.

Saturday (yesterday) I tried to recover from Friday. No exercise, though again I cleaned and chased kids.

Today isn't over yet! We have decided to take the kids to the Ghost of the Coyote trail nearby and hike and picnic a bit. That should be fun (if it comes to pass). You know me and our planned activities...they never seem to happen!

If we don't go I'm definitely going to work out a bit tonight on the Gazelle. Just so I have something to write in my exercise book.

I still think I'll have lost weight this week because
A) my clothes are getting ever looser
B) I've really been watching my food intake
C) I was sick that one day
and D) I'm optimistic.

Here are some interesting facts I have learned about breastfeeding and weight loss.

*It takes about 250-500 calories a day to produce milk.
*In women with fat stores (most women!) up to 200 of those calories will come from burning up that fat. Neat!
*Nursing moms can safely lose about 1-2 pounds a week without diminishing milk supply.

Pass it on!

ONH: The first obstacle

Operation New Hotness Progress Report:

Since the last report I have not lost any weight at all. The unreliability of my scale is a major pain in the butt also. This morning I stepped on the scale, got one number, stepped on again, got a number FIVE pounds less. What the hell?
I weighed myself about three more times and consistently came up with the lower number, but still!

I knew it was going to be hard to budge past that first post baby weight loss. I could not lose weight easily while I nursed Dylan at all. Nursing makes me SO hungry and a hungry me makes poor food choices. Like homemade rice pudding for breakfast. And lunch.
Poor.
Mostly, my problem is that I don't eat enough at breakfast so then I'm extra hungry at lunch. But I still don't eat enough or I eat the wrong things that don't fill me up but are high in calories. So by 3 pm I'm starving and I'll eat 47 little tiny snacks instead of one medium sized snack. Then I'm still hungry at dinner and eat two helpings instead of one and my butt grows.
Not good.

Though I shouldn't complain too much. I am only FIVE weeks postpartum, and I'm light years ahead of where I was five weeks ago, or even two weeks ago. Though the scale might not be moving as fast as I'd like it to, I'm still fitting into my regular clothes already and even wearing the jeans I was fitting into just before I got pregnant -- my lowest weight in the last five or six years -- even though my scale is showing me at seven pounds over that low weight still. These are all good things.
Also, it's starting to get WICKED hot here and that will curb snacking as well. Too hot to eat and I'll drink tons of water to stave off dehydration.
Yesterday I swear I chugged 16 ounces of water in about 3.5 seconds, then refilled my cup and chugged another 16 ounces. I hate heat.

When I'm not giving myself water poisoning, I need to remember that even a little bit of working out every day will help me reach my goal. I keep track of how long I work out every day in a book and I write "none" on days that I slack off of working out completely. Then at the end of the week I tally up all the minutes spent exercising. I want to reach a goal of burning 2000 extra calories a week, which translates to about three hours of exercise a week. That gets harder with every day I totally slack off. I only have to do a half hour every day and take Sunday off to reach that goal of three hours a week. Should be easy, right?

The more times I have to write "none" the worse I feel about myself, which is good. Internal feelings of guilt will motivate me better than wanting to look hot. I also need to remember the reason why I started losing weight last summer in the first place. My doctor told me I needed to lose 10 pounds because I was borderline diabetic. Not good.
The hotness is just a nice added benefit, I really need to get back to a lower weight for health reasons. I mean, I'm not even 30 years old and ALREADY at risk for developing diabetes?!? I'm not even that much of a flabby fat ass, but still...risks are risks. My dad ended up developing diabetic symptoms just before he died so I know at least genetically the risk for me is there.

So, that's the update.
I need to hope my body isn't holding on to weight because of nursing, and I need to eat more healthy foods and more regular well-portioned meals and drink tons more water and work out everyday.
Soooo easy!
Riiiight.

Rambling on...and on...

Well, I've done it!
I've reached my first goal of dropping 20 pounds by my three week checkup!! Yahoooooo!!!!

Now the REAL weight loss work will begin. That first 20 pounds was the easy part, the weight of the actual baby himself and the reduction of the preggo swelling.

Though, that 20 pounds is nothing to sneeze at. Lots of postpartum gals find it hard to budge one pound off their butts after having a baby. I think the multiple insane children I'm herding around plus the endless daily chores have helped me to quickly reduce my weight.
Like I said before, I'm not exactly restricting my diet as I'm nursing and that is ill-advised. I need 500 more calories per day over my pre-pregnancy diet, which was ridiculously restricted. That said, I don't count calories either. I merely take note of caloric content and hope my guilt will guide me to the celery.
Did you know, for instance that there are almost 200 calories in 40 shelled roasted peanuts. An interesting fun fact for you.
Isn't it also funny that "shelled" means "unshelled" like flammable and inflammable mean the same thing? Weird.

Anyway.
My major life change during Operation New Hotness is working out. Every day. EVERY EVERY DAY. Moving my butt around every day.
Totally doable.
Especially on days when I'm literally single-handedly propelling a metal shopping cart loaded with 70 pounds of children and additional poundage of groceries WHILE simultaneously carrying another 8 pounds of child. That's a killer workout. Great for the abs. I joke. Great for the lats.

I have my silly Gazelle set up in my room, it's like walking with no impact. Great! I Gazelled for a half hour this morning.

When Law and Order comes on later, I'll probably do another half hour, during the Order part, which I consider to be the part where the cops are investigating. The Law portion is the part in the courtroom...right?
Ah, who cares, as long as Jesse Martin is in the episode.
Lord have mercy, that man is a tall drink of water.
So what if I'm married and he might be gay, or not. We could make it work!
Just because he was gay in "Rent" that doesn't mean anything...

Wow. I'm way off track...

In additional child and family news, we had a not great night last night. First off, the kitties killed something that we can't find. All I heard was high-pitched squeaking. Bob went to investigate and there were no kitties and no carcasses. He thinks they brought their "friend" outside to finish off. I hope so!
There is also a small lizard living under my computer hutch. He came out yesterday afternoon, briefly, then ran back underneath.
Hopefully, he'll be discovered soon and disposed of, otherwise I'll have to move furniture to remove him.

Midway through the night, Dylan woke up crying and screaming. I was up with the baby so Bob had to go calm Dylan down, which happened pretty quickly.
However, a few hours later Dylan was up again and roaming the house. Bob again had to intervene, this time a bit less happily.
Then Benjamin started fussing. By that point, Bob had a pillow and a comforter over his head. Poor dear.
I haven't slept through the night for over three weeks though, so Bob can sort of suck an egg on this one. I can't feel sorry for his one night of constant interruptions, I just can't work it up.

I've got to put a sleeping baby back into his bed now. He likes to hang out with me while I blog. I think the typing relaxes him.
Later.

The week in review

Gosh! Has it really been a week since I posted??
I'm so busy lately...wonder why?

I haven't left the house in almost two weeks, since the baby's first checkup appointment. This afternoon I'll leave again (this time I'll drive myself, yay!) for another baby checkup appointment. Didn't you know, he's two weeks old now!

Operation New Hotness is going great.
I'm not really watching what I'm eating, unless you count me watching it fly from the plate into my mouth! Ha ha ha...no seriously. I'm trying to be sensible on food choice and portions but breastfeeding makes me dang hungry. And it makes me want to eat half a carrot cake that I made from scratch yesterday. Well, maybe not half, but more than my portion should have been. I couldn't help myself. Not to toot my own horn, but DANG that was some good carrot cake!

But for reals, ONH (Operation New Hotness) is so far a total success.
Here are the tactical successes so far:

* I have lost an estimated total of 19 pounds (estimated because my scale is one of those broke-down rotary style, note to self, buy digital scale!) in the two weeks since Ben was born. Yes, most of that is baby, baby's accessories and fluids and bloat. But hell, I'll take it! Total weight loss gets me down to two pounds over my weight at my first prenatal check, which is awesome. I also have another six days to peel off one more pound, thus reaching my goal of DW-20 by three weeks postpartum.
Kick ass!

* Because of the awesome weight loss, I can fit into my REGULAR jeans! I'm wearing them right now!
They are not the size I was wearing when I GOT pregnant, but I've still got about eight pounds to lose to get back to my last summer low weight, which for reference purposes only is DW-27. I'll get there, and then some.

* I had Bob set up the exercise machine in my bedroom. For me to get from my side of the bed out of the room I have to scooch by that machine. Motivation! Since I'm still not technically cleared for exercise at all (or driving for that matter) I have started out just doing 20 minutes at a time, very slowly.
Next week at my checkup I should get cleared for some exercise and I'll start working up to 45 minutes a day.

In other news:
My mom left Sunday morning, which made me very sad. Both because I would be braving the world of three children all alone during the day, SCARY, and because of course I'll just miss my mom.
Whenever she visits it always makes me wish that we didn't live so far away. Not just for the free childcare services, but you know, I just miss my mom.
And the kids just absolutely love her. She's crazy like them, so it works out. One morning I happened to get to Dylan's room first and he climbed out of his crib, took one snotty look at me and said:
"Where's Nani?"
Ouch.

Anyway, the pain of her leaving is dulled by the fact that we're traveling to her house in mid-July for a visit. Nani's got the big SoCal house and the pool and she takes us to all the cool attractions like the zoo and the aquarium. We have access to none of these things at home. We usually make the trip a good long visit when we go so we can fill up on interesting activities before we return home to no mans land.

I know we're going to the Santa Barbara Zoo and the Gardens of the World in Thousand Oaks and probably the beach at the Ventura Marina, because we always do. Beyond that, I'm not sure. I'll have to scope out some cool new places to go. Last summer we went to the Long Beach Aquarium, which was cool, but sort of small for the admission price.
I'm a beggar though, and should not be so choosey.
Any SoCal kid-friendly suggestions are welcome! You'd think I'd already know having grown up there but I haven't lived in SoCal in almost 12 years, things have changed, a lot.

For instance, where there used to be huge empty vacant lots down the street from my mom's house, there's now a giant movie theater and a TGI Fridays. And a big giant police station.
The little farm where we used to buy fresh berries and pumpkins is now senior living condos and a shopping center. Feh.
In just the last year a little vacant lot on my mom's street was bought and someone started building a house on it (but didn't finish!) So the lot where we all used to play as kids (and was vacant for upwards of 25 years) is now a half completed house. Bummer.

Anyway...

The other major news of this week was that we finally got our garden planted! Yay! Then it snowed for two days. Booo.
Yes. Snow. And hail, and thunderstorming rain and all that fun crap that was supposed to be OVER!
We think we only lost one eggplant plant, but we'll see. Gah!

On the cuteness front, Ben is an awesome baby. He sleeps great, he's an excellent nurser and I think he's growing just fine. We'll see this afternoon!
Here are some pics in which he appears to have an alien head.

Post-Partum Plans

Remember when I said I had lost 2.5 pounds. Well I found them.
I think it's just fluctuations in water weight. I've been REALLY thirsty lately. Thirs-tay! Like, pour a glass of water, chug. Pour another glass, sip.
Or maybe I lost the weight and baby found it?

I have every confidence that I will deliver this baby and lose 15 pounds Monday morning. Whoo hoo! Now that's a diet!

After my mandatory recovery period, I will embark on a quest for new hotness...aka lose some fat flubbery weight.
The baby ticker will be replaced with a fat butt reduction ticker. I'm hoping that by 6 weeks postpartum, and through no real effort of my own, I'll be at or below my pre-preg weight which was 1** pounds. I'm not telling you!
Then I want to take off another 25 pounds past that, getting me to a much healthier weight of 1** pounds. This, I predict, will be the hard part. I've gained pretty reasonably throughout the pregnancy, so taking it all back off should really just be a matter of getting the baby and accessories out and de-swelling!
Then I should be right back where I was last August. Except, my kids are crazier now and don't ever nap.
But anyway...40 pounds lost (including the baby and accessories) is my goal for the summer.

I plan to do this with daily exercise, on top of the usual kid chasing, and watching my diet. No more ice cream. Sad. Lots more fiber and water. Yay!

I'm glad I'm having this plan take effect in the warmer months. Losing weight is SOO much easier in the summer when it's too hot to eat anyway! AND there aren't any cookie-laden holidays during the summer months either.
I'll just try to be sensible, get in exercise and keep track of my progress.

Plus, I'll keep my super cute PRE-preg clothes in the front of the closet to remind myself that I used to be way cuter and need to get back there and beyond. Beside that motivation, I can't AFFORD new fat butt clothes, so, if I ever want to get out of sweats and PJ pants, this has to be done!

Here are my short and long-term goals:
(DW=delivery weight)

Immediate post-partum loss/Three week checkup (June 2): I expect a 15-20 pound loss in the first few weeks just from having the baby. Goal: DW-20

Six week checkup (June 23): Another 5 pounds, bringing me all the way back to pre-preg weight. Goal: DW-25

Nine weeks postpartum (July 14): I'll be heading out to SoCal this week, hopefully 25-30 pounds lighter than the weight I delivered at. Goal: DW-30

12 weeks postpartum (Aug 4): Should be easy to keep weight off and keep losing. I'll be at my mom's house or elsewhere in California for most of July. She'll keep me walking around, going to the park, providing healthy meals and childcare. Plus I'll be swimming! Another 3-5 pound loss.
Goal: DW-35

The biggest milestone looming is my 30th birthday, which falls exactly 16 weeks postpartum!
Isn't that a major coincidence!

16 weeks postpartum (Sept. 1): During the month of August, Elizabeth will start official preschool, causing me to take the boys into town at least three times a week in the afternoons. We'll be at the park a lot I expect, and it's HOT here in August, so no heavy meals for me. Goal weight by Sept. 1: DW-40

If I can make this goal by my birthday, I will be about 5 pounds away from my goal weight for the summer which is awesome!
I think it's TOTALLY doable, especially considering that half of the weight I have to lose to get there is probably going to just disappear after the baby is born. Hopefully, I'll have a 15 pound baby and make it all that much easier! Ha ha!

A week from today...

A week from today...in fact, from RIGHT NOW! I'll be an official mother of three! Yay! and Yipes!

I'm excited, scared, nervous, freaking out, joyful, tired, happy, fat and did I say tired?

Actually, I'm not that fat. I'm on weekly appointments now of course and my weight has actually gone DOWN at the last two check-ups. I lost 2.5 pounds in weeks 35-36 and 36-37. Now I'm in week 38...I think I'm holding steady. I'm still at least 12 pounds lighter than I was when I delivered either Elizabeth OR Dylan, so hopefully beating back the baby weight won't be so hard this summer!
If you'll recall, I was getting super fly last summer thanks to Extreme Fat Smash and Celebrity Fit Club when my husband noticed how fly I was getting and promptly knocked me up. Thanks hon.

In total, I think I've only gained 20-25 pounds with this pregnancy, which is right on the money. With the two others I was around that mark too. I'm apparently not one of those mothers-to-be who eats everything in the pantry and gains 70 pounds with each kid. Don't get me wrong. I eat everything in the pantry. I just somehow burn it up with my uber-preggo-metabolism. Huzzah!
I wish it would last post-partum!
It also can't be a coincidence that as my brood grows larger and crazier, I have less time to eat Cheetos and am required to expend more energy on tactical crisis management aka "Dylan's running down the driveway!" or "Bits-uh-bith!!! That's mine! That's mine! That's MIIIIIIIIINE!!!!!!!!!!!"

Yeah, good times.
Have kids. Join me.

Those with kids, you know...oh, you know.

Even though I cleaned a lot yesterday, I swear the house is still messy. I need to de-clutter now. Unfortunately, now I'm really tired from all the effort yesterday. Sigh. Oh well.

I really should have taken before/after pictures of the giant strange invisible death monster stain. It's all gone now, but it was just very weird. I can't figure out what the heck it could have been. If it comes back mysteriously, I'm moving out.

The kids were actually pretty good for me in the afternoon. They watched some SpongeBob cartoons (of course) which let me get in a much needed shower - though after the hours of dishes and laundry doing...my hot water supply lasted just about halfway through conditioning...or approximately 5 minutes. Yep. Moms can shower FAST! I can take a whole complete shower, legs shaved and all in about 3 minutes. No lie. I've timed myself.
If speed-showering was an Olympic event, I'd be the perpetual gold medal winner. I'd be on a box of Calgon. Know what I'm saying?

Bob came home just after I got a shower and said "Oh! You smell nice!"
I said "I showered! I find it helps keep down the stink."
He said "Great, great" and wandered off to find some soda soda soda!!! He's like Animal from the Muppets when it comes to soda.

I laugh. I kid. I joke.

After the shower I managed to get in some time at the sewing machine. I'm making my own nursing pads so I don't have to use those horrible disposables nor pay good money for the really cheap looking and feeling reusables they sell at the store.
Mine are cute. And washable. And cost me about a quarter a pair to make. Ha! Take that commerce!
OK, Dylan just woke up (again). His first try at starting the day was at 5:30 am. Bob put him back to bed, thank goodness!
Time to start dealing cereal!

So huge!

Ugh.
I feel like a giant whale.
I think I'm having a whale baby instead of a regular human baby.

Just in the last week or so my belly has quadrupled in size. Sextupled!
I don't even look in the mirror anymore. Too depressing.
Maternity shirts make me look even more disgustingly huge, so I don't wear them.
I wear my regular shirts (and stretch out the belly!)
A week ago I bought some T-shirts from the Walmart juniors section to wear (and wear out) these last two months. Apparently juniors who shop at Walmart are all 6 feet tall and weigh 97 pounds. All the T-shirts are cut skinny and super long. Not a great look on 5'3" me USUALLY, but the extra length is great for covering up the humongo belly.
And at $6 a pop I don't care if they have to get thrown out in two months.

In other news:
Bob took a job retrofitting a power plant. He started yesterday. He has to be there at 6 am and should be getting home everyday (EVERY day) at around 8 pm. It's around an hour drive to the plant.
Today is day two. He was EXHAUSTED last night. We'll see how long he makes it working seven days a week, 12 hours a day...
It's ALMOST like being a full-time mom. Except, the mom job has no lunch break. But you do get to play bubbles and balloons. Unfortunately, you also play puke and poop and NO I WILL NOT GO TO SLEEP EVER EVER EVER EVER AGAIN EVEN IF YOU PAY ME IN SKITTLES!
That one is my favorite.

Meanwhile, The New Baby thinks it's a great idea to get all bunched up on one side of me and put a foot (or elbow or skull) into my kidney.
Is your liver on the right side? If so, then liver also.

At my checkup yesterday the "let me check your pee for whatever might be in pee" nurse even said "Wow I can see right where HE is!"
Yeah, really??!?!
I can feel him over there too. When he ISN'T bunched up around my right side organs he's flipping constantly and bouncing off my bladder.
ON CUE that baby in there just dislodged from my spleen(?) and flipped across underneath my belly button to my other kidney and kicked my bladder for good measure along the way.

Meanwhile....
Elizabeth's tonsils are healing perfectly, she's almost back to normal voice wise and her sleep apnea is TOTALLY GONE! It was totally gone starting from day one but it's still so amazing to me. Obstructive sleep apnea is the pits. I'm so glad she's not going to have to deal with this EVER EVER again!

The bad news...I peeped a look at Dylan's tonsils during Elizabeth's follow-up with the surgeon.
Oh. My. Lord.
They are giant.
So I guess we'll do round two in a year or so...

Anyway, that's my news...
I'm hugely fat. Bob is working like crazy. Elizabeth has no more tonsils and Dylan probably won't have his for long.
Also the cats haven't killed anything for awhile so, I'm on red alert for huge dead things...the longer they wait, the worse the bloodlust gets, and so on...

Christmas Blur

This last week has been a total blur of presents, wrapping paper and cookies...my GOD THE COOKIES!!!

My mom came into town Saturday with her dog Maggie. The dog is at least 15 years old, so she's slow and low. That is her tempo. She mostly sleeps all day, but my kids adore her shaggy self, so that was an early Christmas present for them!
Sunday we spent ALL day making cookies. Sugar cookies, coconut macaroons, gingerbread cookies, cream cheese cookies...and on and on...it was a Cookie Party! Without that Silverman chick.

Monday was even more cookies to make, and it being Christmas Eve, Bob took the kids to his dad's rural homestead in BFE nowheresville for a lovely Christmas Eve lunch and present opening. They ended up arriving back at home after 6 (well after darkness fell) so Mom and I enjoyed seven fun-filled hours of present wrapping, cookie making, dish cleaning and watching HGTV. Fun fun fun!!
My brother arrived Christmas Eve around 10 pm. The boy runs on his own clock, what can I say. His big adventure was clipping an elk's antler on the way up from Phoenix. In his ex-girlfriend's car! Good times!
Soon after he arrived, everyone went to sleep dreaming of sugar plums and Santa and wrapping paper and cookies...dear Lord! The COOKIES!!

Christmas Day we opened a slew of presents. The most puzzling of which was an Easy-Bake Oven for Elizabeth (she's not yet 4, the E-B O is for age 8+) from my FIL and his wife. Strange. Can I closet it for four years without incident. Perhaps.

I put a turkey in the oven and we awaited the remainder of our company (my BIL and his wife and child). Nice and low-key. While the turkey roasted, Dylan took a nap and Bob and my brother went up to the ski resort to snowboard. Bob used to be an instructor, Greg had never been before. It was about 10 degrees up there. Needless to say, they weren't gone long and it's about an hour drive to get there.
They claimed to have had fun, but we'll never really know!

Everyone else arrived around 3 pm. We opened another round of presents and watched holiday shows while we snacked on hors d'oeuvres (that's OR DERVES).
Then we broke for the evening around 7 pm. My brother left to go back to Phoenix around 6, just after the turkey feast-o-rama.

Since then it has just been hanging out at home, playing with the new toys and going to the grocery store. We're chilling.
There is football to be watched today (damn Patriots!) and a Prime Rib to be made for New Years Eve. Last night we had a big ol brown sugar glazed ham. I think I've gained three pounds in two weeks. Ugh.
At least I can blame it on the blossoming child.
This week is even more fun in store with Dylan's second birthday on Wednesday and my ultrasound appointment on Thursday.

I've just been handed a poopy diapered child, so I guess that's all the update you get for now.
Peace out. Peace on Earth.

Maybe my bathroom is on the moon?

This is slightly disturbing, but not without reason.
Of course I'm knocked up and pregnant, just like Christina and J.Lo. Though I didn't try to fake you guys out, I just fessed up. So you already knew that.
What you may NOT know is that I get bad morning sickness. Real bad.
With Dylan I was so sick I lost weight before I started getting fat with fetus. He actually made me puke. It was great!
When I was pregnant with Elizabeth I had such weird morning (noon and night) sickness that I had to stop using my lotion because the smell of it made me hurl. I still can't even LOOK at that brand of lotion without getting queasy.

With NuBabee <= The official fetal nickname, I have wonderful all-day nausea but no pukeage, which is both awesome and horrible.
It's a total struggle to eat everyday. Most regular food items make me want to puke.
Yesterday I got so starving that I started to shake and get sort of dizzy. I force fed myself a turkey sandwich and got halfway through before the nastiness of processed cheese food made me want to die.
Still, half a sandwich is a victory.
Later on I ate a whole PB&J without problem.
I've learned that in this horrendous state it's best to just eat whatever isn't going to make me want to hurl. Last night dinner was chips and salsa. For breakfast today I made fresh baked bread and ate about 1/3 of it with butter. I made the kids hard-boiled eggs, and briefly considered cracking one for myself, but that bread in my belly flipped over at the thought of it. I put the egg back.
I'm now psyching myself up for a bag of Cheetos, which should be no problem since it's not really food but rather delicious orange cheeze powdered chemical puffs. Yum.
Oh, back to the moon bathroom...
When I found out I was pregnant, I weighed myself, just for a point of reference. You know, how fat am I gonna get??
I weighed myself yesterday, middle of the day, after eating something.
Four pounds less. Less.
LESS.
Sigh.
Oh, I can't poop either.
There's your TMI moment of the day!