Lady parts?!?!

Last night was girl rebeautification night at our house.
After the boys went to bed, Elizabeth and I decided to paint our toenails and fingernails.
I chose navy blue toenail polish and pale pink fingernails. Elizabeth, ever the fashionista, chose a robin's egg blue for her toes and straight out of the '80s HOT pink for her fingers.
Seriously.
I saw that shade in Seventeen magazine back in 1987 aka the heyday of fluorescence.

As I'm trimming her raggedy fingernails (and she's throwing a first class hissy fit) her dad, no doubt attracted by the smell of acetone, popped his head in the doorway.

Ever the actress, Elizabeth kicked her fit up a notch.

"Owwww, ow, ow, ow! It huuuuurts!" she sobbed.
I shot her dad a look. The look said, "Draaaama!"
Dad said...
"Well...sometimes it hurts your lady parts to look good."

"Lady parts?!?" I said, laughing. "Fingernails are lady parts??"

"No. You know what I mean!" he said and hastily retreated.

"That's going in the blog!!!" I hollered after him.

Some funny tidbits...

Why am I always amazed that when you crack the ice cube tray and toss it and the cubes fall into a different empty ice cube slot that they always fit perfectly.....am I really that stupid?
I mean, really, they are uniform depressions in which you freeze water. They are identical! It's not like they're different sizes and shapes...

Yet...every time it happens I'm like "Gawrsh! I can't believe it fit again! Duh huh!"

Here's my sign.


***

Earlier today, Elizabeth wanted to spray on my Bath and Body Works body splash. It's Sea Island Cotton. It's great.
So, I sprayed it on her arms.
Then she stood there, took a biiiiig whiff of herself and said "Mmmmmmm!"
I said, "What does it smell like?"
She said, "Yum. Potatoes!"

***

This morning Dylan insisted that we make chocolate Jiffy muffins. Fine, fine. We made the muffins.
They are already all gone, he ate about 6 muffins.
As he was munching on the last one he was making yum yum noises so I said...
"Is that good?"

"No mommy! It's called a MUFFIN!"

Elizabeth's Concept of Dieting

Elizabeth was "reading" my diet book the other day while I was working out. I say "reading" because she cannot actually read, but she can leaf through the pages with conviction.

So she's leafing through and this was her commentary:

"This says you can't eat bread, you can't eat peanut butter, you can't eat candy, you can't eat bananas, you can't eat fruit snacks, you can't eat cheese....You can't eat EVERYTHING!"

My new vocation

There was a story on our local news last night about regular moms who are in the roller derby by night.

Me: I should be in roller derby.
Bob: You should.
Me: I can't skate though, that would be a problem.
Bob: Nah.
Me: But I'd fall down all the time!
Bob: You'd be the one knocking people over.
Me: Like a speed bump?
Bob: Yeah.
Me: That could be my nickname, The Speed Bump.

Hook, line and sinker. That stinker!

I am dumb and Bob thinks he's funny.
In this story, the two combine with hilarious results.

Bob's taken Elizabeth on a fishing trip to a local pond this morning. She was so excited to go, she woke up at 6 am and got herself dressed, including ill-fitting socks.

My cell phone rings, it's Bob.

Bob: What are you doing?
Me: Nothing what's up?
Bob: Hey, uh, how do you get a fishing hook out of Elizabeth's hand?
Me: WHAT?!?!?!?
Bob: April Fools!
Me: You're a jerk. Good joke.