I'm about to pull a Kelly Kapoor

No. I'm not going to go on and on about how awesome Netflix is...though it is pretty awesome...I mean...no late fees??! That's pretty rad...

Oh, anyway...

I'm just really upset about this whole Jessica Simpson is fat business. Seriously. It's insane.
She's not fat. Not even close!
That is a terrible horrible outfit, but she is not fat.
Does she weigh more than she did when she did the Dukes of Hazzard and got herself down to skin and bones by being (let's be frank) anorexic? Yes she does. But is she fat? No way in hell! No way!
She's a girl on the short side. High waisted jeans on a shortie? No. And she shouldn't be cutting her body into pieces like that with that giant hideous belt. It makes her look stumpy but underneath that terrible outfit, I guarantee you, that bitch's body is still banging.





And this upsets me so much because to paraphrase Kelly Kapoor....
"Because if you are saying Jessica Simpson isn't hot, then you are saying that I am not hot. Because obviously I am not as hot as Jessica Simpson!"

And the Oscar goes to.....

By the way, I hate that they say that now instead of "And the winner is..." because really, I mean come on...are they handing out Best Sportsmanship Oscars behind the curtain? No they are not. And yes, it's "an honor just to be nominated" but really, dontcha wanna win??? I'm talking to you Brad.

OK here's the abridged list of the categories we care about....make your picks here and now! My picks are bolded and somewhat informed since I've seen three of the nominated pictures! Thanks Netflix! I'm somewhat current!


BEST PICTURE
"The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
"Frost/Nixon"
"Milk"
"The Reader"
"Slumdog Millionaire"

BEST ACTRESS
Anne Hathaway, "Rachel Getting Married"
Angelina Jolie, "Changeling"
Melissa Leo, "Frozen River"
Meryl Streep, "Doubt"
Kate Winslet, "The Reader"

BEST ACTOR
Frank Langella, "Frost/Nixon"
Sean Penn, "Milk"
Brad Pitt, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Mickey Rourke, "The Wrestler"
Richard Jenkins, "The Visitor"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Amy Adams, "Doubt"
Penelope Cruz, "Vicky Cristina Barcelona"
Viola Davis, "Doubt"
Taraji P. Henson, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Marisa Tomei, "The Wrestler"

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR
Josh Brolin, "Milk"
Robert Downey Jr., "Tropic Thunder"
Philip Seymour Hoffman, "Doubt"
Heath Ledger, "The Dark Knight"
Michael Shannon, "Revolutionary Road"

BEST DIRECTOR
Danny Boyle, "Slumdog Millionaire"
Stephen Daldry, "The Reader"
David Fincher, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"
Ron Howard, "Frost/Nixon"
Gus Van Sant, "Milk"

BEST ORIGINAL SCREENPLAY
Dustin Lance Black, "Milk"
Courtney Hunt, "Frozen River"
Mike Leigh, "Happy-Go-Lucky"
Marttin McDonagh, "In Bruges"
Andrew Stanton, Jim Reardon, "WALL-E"

BEST ADAPTED SCREENPLAY
Simon Beaufoy, "Slumdog Millionaire"
David Hare, "The Reader"
Peter Morgan, "Frost/Nixon"
John Patrick Shanley, "Doubt"
Eric Roth, Robin Swicord, "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button"

BEST ANIMATED FILM
"Bolt"
"Kung Fu Panda"
"Wall-E"

BEST ORIGINAL SONG
"Slumdog Millionaire," "Jai Ho," A.R. Rahman
"Slumdog Millionaire," "O Saya," A.R. Rahman & M.I.A.
"Wall-E," "Down To Earth," Peter Gabriel & Thomas Newman

BEST ORIGINAL SCORE
"The Curious Case Of Benjamin Button," Alexandre Desplat
"Defiance," James Newton Howard
"Milk," Danny Elfman
"Slumdog Millionaire," A.R. Rahman
"WALL-E," Thomas Newman

I'm old, deal with it.

Last night I was tiptoeing around my house because everyone else was asleep and I was not ready to go to bed.
It was 8:30 pm. Only babies and grandmas and grown men with terrible kidney stone pain should be in bed before 9 pm.

I stayed up until about 10:30 to watch my brother's girlfriend's appearance on "LA Ink" (she is the hula hooper Krisy Rose) and then I fell asleep fast.

So, yeah, I'm old.

But I used to be cool.
I used to stay up late and go party and hang out with friends. I used to see movies IN THE MOVIE THEATER and not just on TBS with all the cursing bleeped out. Effing effers.
Now I stay up late to finish laundry. Bleh.

While I was awake at the *ahem* wee hour of 9 pm I thought I might color my hair with the Garnier Nutrisse I bought last week.

I was checking out the box debating whether or not I wanted to get into all that when I realized....
I picked out a color that is pretty much the exact hair color that I already have naturally. I laid my hair over the "this is what your hair will look like" picture and dangit, it already looked like that.

Lame.

I mean really, what's the point!?
So I'm going to try to exchange it later today for something more...different and less totally lame.

**As a side point, did you know that when you get on LA Ink (you have to audition) you still have to pay for your tattoo? And did you know that it is SO NOT CHEAP! Krisy got her tattoo done by Kim, not even KatVonD, and it was wow! Knock your socks off moola. Rent money moola. But, she got to be on TV so, that's cool.

Did you hear that?

it was my heart breaking


Sure, I had no chance anyway...but still....



Ryan Reynolds off the market, whah!!!!!

In other celeb news:

Heather Locklear was arrested for suspicion of driving under the influence of pills!

"Harry Potter" keeps showing off his putter on Broadway

and of course we mourn Paul Newman

They caught the Tater!

Really, who DIDN'T see this coming?

Blue Collar Comedy's Ron White arrested for drugs - Yahoo! News

This just gets crazier and crazier

UPDATED!!!
Thank GOODNESS! It was all a parody!

The woman is DEAD yet continues to generate some of the craziest news coverage that I have ever seen in my life!

Like THIS!

Soooo...lemme get this straight.
ANS got all fatso right before the Anna Nicole Show started up because she had just had a baby with a rez dude???

Seriously. What the hell.

**UPDATE**Anna Nicole - Who's the Daddy?

***UPDATED - Monday, Feb. 12, 3:18 pm ***

Zsa-Zsa's husband is planning to file a claim for Dannielynn
Seriously, this is about the money now, right?

Dude's 59 years old. He can't seriously WANT a tiny baby to raise on his own, right??
He said if the baby is his, he'd go pick her up and take her home with Grand-pop even if it costs him his marriage to Zsa-Zsa.
Then again, that bitch just turned 90 years old...so really at this point, he's just waiting for her to kick off anyway, right?




*********************************************************
I don't know about you, but I can't keep up.

In yet another ANS story, the dude who gave her the house in the Bahamas went and changed the locks over the weekend. Also, some of her personal stuff was stolen. Among the items was a picture of ANS and the Bahamian official who granted her residency on the island posing together in bed.
Big surprise. ANS used her sexual charisma to get what she wanted. Shock of shocks!

In more non-surprising ANS paternity news, there's yet ANOTHER possible pop for baby Dannielynn...J. Howard Marshall. Yep. The dead billionaire.
Apparently, there are reports that ANS froze his sperms before he died and may have used THAT pop-sicle (heh) to become pregnant with Dannielynn.

He's been dead 10 years, is that even possible??

Anyway, he joins Howard K. Stern, Larry Birkhead and Zsa Zsa's playboy husband as candidates for fatherhood. Also rumored to be a possible pop, a rumor that I totally don't believe, Anna Nicole's own SON Daniel. Ew.

Autopsy set for US pop celebrity Anna Nicole Smith - Yahoo! News

Anna Nicole Smith Dies

HOLY CRAP!

Seriously, this news hit my office yesterday like a shockwave.
Everyone was talking about it, getting on the web to read more, etc etc.
It was ridiculous.
I personally was shocked.

Our editor and page designer were on deadline laying out the paper and the page designer asked about the placement of certain articles. Tongue in cheek our editor said, "None of that matters now! Anna Nicole Smith is dead!"

What makes the story sad is that little innocent baby that didn't ask to be born and is now in the center of a firestorm.
Sad.

Police want Brandy charged in fatality

I've been reading about this and I think Brandy should absolutely be charged in this accident.
Police want Brandy charged in fatality - Yahoo! News

I'm from the SoCal area. I've driven on the freeway where this accident occured, oh, about 4,000 times. It's very stop and go. Very. Stop. And. Go.

Anyone who's driven that road before would know that. Brandy, being a singer/actress who lives in the Los Angeles area (including the outlying San Fernando Valley where the 405 freeway is located, would DEFINITELY know that she needs to pay special attention when driving that road as it is prone to sudden traffic slowdowns.

AND even if she was NOT a local, Brandy should be an attentive enough driver to notice that the cars ahead of her are not MOVING anymore.

It's terribly sad that this woman died in such a stupid senseless accident that totally could have been avoided if Brandy was paying attention.
Sad.

Here's the story from the LA Times

Is it wrong....

Is it wrong that reading this article saying that Justin Timberlake punched furniture after fighting with his ex mushface Cameron Diaz makes him seem hotter to me?

Hotter than when he had the 'fro even.



Ah, I am so troubled.

Jolie, Pitt continue to act pretentiously

Jolie, Pitt move to New Orleans, report says

It's all fine and good if Brangelina wants to move to a doomed swamp...but good grief, why do they try to make it seem like they were ordained by God to save the world...

Here's the most pretentious part...

The couple also hopes to raise awareness for the hurricane-devastated Gulf Coast region.

"They think it is important to be there right now" and are already looking to get more involved in local charity work, the source said.

As if Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie's mere PRESENCE will make people say "oh yeah, we probably need to get that place fixed up..."

ARGH!