Gross Stuff

I picked Dylan up today from school and asked him how his day went and what he had for lunch.

"Well, they finally found the perfect breakfast for me," he said.

"Really? What was it?"

"It was waffles and they were bigger and not crunchy and oranges," he said.

"Sounds good! What was for lunch?"


"Well, it was a biscuit and chicken nuggets, but they were straight, they make straight chicken nuggets and raisins but I didn't eat the raisins," he said.

"Dylan, you know how you like grapes?"

"Yep."

"Raisins are just grapes that they put in the sun and they dry up," I said.

"Um, mom? Why would they make good food into gross stuff?"

Great Debate!

This one could get heated! :)

What do you put in your tuna salad?

Mine is:
Tuna
Mayo
Mustard
Sweet pickle relish
Curry powder
Minced onions
Caraway seeds
Lemon pepper
Dill

And I eat it on toasted wheat bread...what do you think of that?
My husband is radically against tuna on toast. He thinks it's borderline inedible, I think he's deranged.

I'm, Apparently, Full of Eggs

Remind me to never blog the words "nothing much going on here"

Today after Show Low Days, I put Benny down for a nap and the kids went running around like uncaged monkeys. Then Ben woke up and we somehow were all hanging out in my bedroom while Bob played a video game.

Dylan was messing around on my work out machine and Benny was crawling toward him and then BLAM! Dylan knocked Ben right in the forehead with the dang Gazelle pedal.
AH CRAPSHIT!

Immediately Ben wailed. I freaked out and grabbed him up. A lump began to form. A big lump.

Dammit!!!

I swooped Ben (screaming) into the kitchen and got an ice pack for his head. He wouldn't let me hold it on there. The lump grew and darkened.

I informed Bob that we would PROBABLY be adjourning to the emergency room. Then we did.

Despite having a child with a head injury I was not immediately whisked into the sacred ER.
After he PUKED on me, I told the bitch ho behind the counter and she said "No worries!" and I said "Bitch please!" No.
I really said...
"Actually he got hit in the head, so I'm quite worried that he just puked on me."

Still, no action from the nurses.

Finally they call us back and we don't even get a room, we get a glorified hallway aka the suture "room" which is partitioned into two "rooms" by "curtains". No, they were real curtains.

On one side is a gal on a bed getting her leg stitched up after a quite nasty fall. Tetanus shot required. Patient privacy is a JOKE!
On the other side is Ben's exam area. There is no bed. There is however, a La-Z-Boy chair.
What???!?

Because there is no bed, I have to hold Ben the whole time. He is angry, hurt and squiggly. THIS part of the day really freaking sucks. Seriously, I've been home for two hours and my arms are STILL sore.

OK, anyway. 100 hours later the PA comes to examine him, by then he's puked again. So it's OFF to a CT scan for us! Yay!

Other than the puking and the total hatred of being at the hospital (which in my opinion is normal behavior) he's acting fine, so I'm not super concerned at this point.
We get to CT and it's just like on House. And I said that. And the CT tech said, "oh baby, tell your mom she's funny." And I wasn't sure if she meant it or if she was being sarcastic. I went with half of each.

Then despite having trained and able bodied people there, the CT tech tried to make ME hold Ben onto the CT scan table thingy...that was an epic fail. He squiggled too much and I love him too much to restrain him.

So that girl who halfheartedly said I was funny got Punk'd and SHE got to wrestle my baby and listen to him holler in her face. Who's funny now?

Then we went back to the room hallway and La-Z-Boy to await the results. About an hour later, and 4000 squiggles and screams, the CT results were in!

It happens so much faster on House.
Anyway, in the hour I waited, I kept hearing part of the M*A*S*H theme song (trivia: It's actually called "Suicide is Painless" which adds to the ultimate irony of this story) being played in the ER.
When a nurse type person finally came into our hallway I asked her about it and she said that the trauma system was set to play the M*A*S*H theme song as an alert tone to let the ER staff know that a patient would be arriving by ambulance or helicopter. Pretty fricking dark no?

Ben's CT scan was clear, no sign of brain trauma or bleed, which I expected given his demeanor, which was normal. As we awaited our discharge paperwork, I heard the M*A*S*H theme song three times. One sick baby, two assaults (one on the Rez).

Shortly thereafter, we were discharged. While I loaded Ben into the car, I saw the helicopter coming from the direction of the reservation. Mr. Assault Victim. As we turned out of the ER parking lot and onto the main road, there was an ambulance. Two minutes later, the other ambulance. Wow. Those ER people were about to get VERY busy.

Since Benny was fine and I was starving, I hit the KFC for a grilled chicken meal. So I guess I went to KGC.

When I got home, I was immediately descended on, like crows to a fresh squirrel carcass in the hot summer sun.

"You're not getting any of MY dinner! You guys ate pizza!" I said.

Dylan eyed my tray like the Terminator.

Chicken. Rejected.
Mashed potatoes. No match.
Cole slaw. Negative.
Biscuit....analyzing....analyzing.....Approved!

"I'll just have aaaaaaaa biscuit!" he said with such glee that I just HAD to split the biscuit with him. What a sucker I am!

Then Elizabeth pulled the same move.

Potatoes. Ew!
Cole slaw. Gross!!
Biscuit. Missing!
Chicken wing....analyzing....analyzing....APPROVED!!

But she didn't speak. She just puppy-dog-eyed my chicken wing until I gave up and let her have it.
Then she wanted my spork! My SPORK!

I gave it to her.

"Mmmmm. Smork!" she said.

My meal plundered and consumed (Elizabeth saved her sMork). I adjourned to the loo, accompanied by Mr. Biscuit Thief.
Since he's potty training, he went first. A trickle at best, but a start!
He examined his work, and was proud.
Then I had to use the loo. I peed.
He was astonished at the loud loud noise!
"My pee was very quiet!" he said.

Then he examined MY work...

"Whoa mom! You're full of eggs!" and he flushed it away. I laughed so hard, I almost peed my pants, but then I remembered, I had just peed and as Dylan says I was "all out of pee."

So yeah, remind me to never say "there's nothing much going on here" ever again.

The End.

We made doughnuts!

Here's me rolling out dough, thanks Dylan for this picture!


The doughnuts, cut out and ready to proof - this is six hours into the process!


Proofing! See them puffing up! These are yeast doughnuts.


Elizabeth applies the topping, cinnamon sugar


The finished product. Not looking as good as they taste!


Ben flashes his teeth in anticipation...


And is handsomely rewarded!


Dylan macks down on some doughnut grub


Elizabeth also enjoys some delicious homemade pastry!

Clementine 12-Step?

I think our whole family is addicted to Clementines.
I bought two huge bags of them Tuesday when they were on sale for $2.98 each and there are like 10 left.
Every night when I clean up the playroom I find the peels of at least three Clementines that were smuggled out of the kitchen when I wasn't looking.
After Bob's usual nighttime snack of a giant bowl of cereal, sometimes he'll have a Clementine too. I know this because every morning I find the bowl, the spoon and the Clementine peel on the coffee table.

I suppose if we HAVE to be munching on something constantly, the Clementine is a good healthy choice. I shouldn't complain.
My kids COULD be peeling into Oreo Cakesters every day and getting lardy. Not that I would ever BUY Oreo Cakesters, but you get my point.

Hi, my name is Jessica, and I am addicted to Clementines.

Reporting my Success

I have been diligent about working out every day, I have watched my portion sizes, I have drank water and forsaken all other forms of hydration.

I have lost 4.6 pounds since Thursday.

You may cheer for me now!

I'm really encouraged by the quick results I'm seeing and it's just confirmation that my body is ready to shed the baby weight, I don't need it anymore and it's time to let go of it all.

Ok, that's it, no more messing around....

Ben is almost eight months old and I'm still not getting anywhere on shedding the post-preg poundage. Not cool.

This fricking cold and ear infection is now the only thing in my way. Once I kick this, it's on!

Yesterday I used my WalMart gift cards from Christmas to get myself a fancy new digital scale that records my weight AND weight loss automatically. I've already got my start weight in there and it's no bueno.

I have all these excuses for why I'm not doing better for myself...the kids, the housework, the lack of time, the weather...it's all bullshit.
I have time, I put off housework for lesser reasons (like blogging), I have a Jeep stroller that the boys can strap into and run the park with me, I have exercise equipment at home for bad weather days....
I've just been lazy, dreading working out and all that. But enough is enough. I'm not happy with myself at all, and it has to stop.

So, yeah, that's that.

Picture Page - with extra Louie!

Here is Dylan sleeping with his Louie footstool.

Here is Louie enjoying the snow

Elizabeth shows off her injury. Her cousin gave her a piggyback ride that had a sudden and unexpected end. Her face hit the road. Game over. Still Fierce!

Louie does his best impression of a chihuahua. Not happy.

Benjamin enjoys some sort of mushed concoction. Some DID get inside the boy.

What a day!

We had another awesome day yesterday...

I woke up at 8 am and all three kids were in the baby's crib. Don't ask. They weren't pinching him or laying on him, and it was cute enough. Though I did tell them that they PROBABLY shouldn't get into the crib with the baby anymore. And I didn't take a picture because I've found that encourages them to further misbehave...yeah, that's what does it, the photographic evidence of their prior bad acts.

After breakfast I did some work on the computer while the big kids played "Customer" out Elizabeth's bedroom window and the baby napped.
"Customer" works like this. Elizabeth stands inside her room and opens the window. She has no screen. It's lovely.
Dylan goes out onto the front deck and "stands in line" at the open window like a customer. Then he orders chicken nuggets and coffee. She hands him a toy from her room. He says thank you, she says have a nice day. Then they switch places.
It's quite funny.

That went on for a good hour. Ah to be so young and so easily entertained!

It's been cold here lately, high 40s during the day, so it took about an hour to find all the winter accoutrements for the kids' outfits and another half hour to find matching socks for everyone. Curse you runaway socks! Everyone is getting socks for Christmas, all the same size and all white. Then ALL the socks will match!

Finally we got into the car and headed to Elizabeth's school, late, as usual.
The boys fell asleep on the way so I ran inside without them to sign Elizabeth into class. It was like two minutes. They were fine. Don't panic.

I had a lunch "date" with some gals from my old job and some of their kids at the very exclusive and fancy McDonalds Playland. Oh yeah. I roll like that.

By the time we got there, Dylan had sweated so much sleeping in his winter coat that his hair was all wet and plastered to his head. Very nice look. He ate about 1.5 chicken nuggets, leaving the other 2.5 to be nibbled up by my pregnant friend Mandi. Preggo girls do NOT waste food.

We were at the playland for about an hour and a half burning off the pound of Hershey Kisses that Dylan stole from the candy bowl that morning running around and playing.
Then the boys and I were off to WalMart where I shopped like a lightning bolt, then waited in an interminable line. Sigh.
I had to beg the cashier lady to let me get my WIC items without my WIC folder. Anyone who has ever been on WIC knows what I mean. They are militant about that folder! Even though I had my ID and my WIC checks with MY name on them, she was like, "I'm not supposed to do this, I have to verify your signature."

I'm like DUDE, it's ME! How would I find WIC checks with my exact name on them and then steal them? It's improbable at best.

What I actually said was "Please please I need that milk and eggs! Oh please! I'll never tell!"

And she saw my pathetic begging and took pity.

After that I called my sister in law to check on my niece who had her tonsils out that morning. She was doing fine, eating yogurt.
I also texted my brother in law who had his OWN tonsils out that same morning. More on that later.

Then we went to have snack with Elizabeth's class. Here's where it gets, eh, interesting.

I'm standing there holding the baby while Dylan runs around and plays with the kids, totally normal. Then ONE of the kids in her class, the bad one who shall not be named, had some trouble making good choices right in front of my eyes.

First he laid on a kid and kicked him in the armpit.
I said "Hey 'Bad Kid' I don't think he likes that, you need to get off of him" but I WANTED to say "What the hell is the matter with you!??"

Elizabeth's little friend told me "He's really really bad. Don't talk to him. Just ignore him. He's a bad kid. You shouldn't talk to him."
I thought it was sweet that she was trying to protect me from the little bastard. Actually, I think his parents ARE married. But that's neither here nor there.

After snack was finished, The Bad Kid walked up to Elizabeth and just pushed her down. For no reason. She spilled her cup of water all over and started to cry.
So I grabbed the kid by the shirt and tossed him out the window.

No.

I said. "Hey BAD KID! That is NOT NICE! She doesn't like to be pushed down."
And in response, he looked straight at me and arm barred another little girl right behind him. Just slammed his arm right into her throat.

Then the teacher grabbed him up by the shirt and threw him out the window.

No.

But she did grab him and make him sit in her lap while she held him.
What a little freak!

There's a parents meeting tonight and I think I'm going to have to say something about this kid. I mean, how much out of control violent behavior do all the other kids have to endure before someone gets this kid out of this class? Clearly he doesn't function well in the school environment.

I feel bad for his parents, but dang, this kid is a nuisance, a distraction and frankly a danger to the other children. I'm just not sure that there's much the school can do about it.
Do schools HAVE to let violent little bastards kids who have trouble making good choices stay in class?

I don't know.

So, after that we left and my sister in law called me to tell me that her brother (who I previously mentioned had just gotten his tonsils out) was not waking up from his anesthesia and was in the ICU at the hospital. Holy crap!

I called Bob and told him to go visit his brother.
He did and reported back that yes, he was still asleep (about five hours post surgery) but the doctors said that sometimes people with sleep apnea sleep for-freaking-ever after surgery. Hmm. Interesting fact.

After Bob got home I told him about the Bad Kid pushing Elizabeth down. He got a very serious look on his face and said "I'm gonna kick that kid!"
Instead of child abuse though, we agreed that we would have to speak to the teachers about this. I know they're exasperated with this kid too, so...it's not like they aren't aware.

Then I made dinner, a lovely recipe for Tomato-Apple Chicken which is delicious. Bob opened the pan and said "Are those apples?"
"Yes."
"Apples and chicken?"
"Oh SORRY! I'll just make frozen burritos and pizza from now on!" I said, totally NOT overreacting!

"I just won't eat the apples."
Then I pouted for about an hour. It was hard work.
Then I did my football picks (AMY!) then we all got ready for bed.

We got updates from my brother in law's wife from time to time last night, basically that he was still sleeping but doing fine. This morning at 7:30 he called here himself to say that he had finally woken up at 9 pm last night, about 10 hours after surgery, and was being discharged this morning. Phew!

He said he was feeling good, but yikes! That was a bit scary for us!
Hopefully today will be less exciting!

Ugh! I may remove an organ....

I think I'm going to have to get an elective splenectomy in order to see that scale move downward!!
I've been here at my mom's for almost a month now...walking around, swimming, chasing after kids, blah blah...
I still weigh 175.
DYLAN lost a pound, but I still weigh the same.
Unfair!!!

The only reason that I even weighed myself was to try to figure out how much Benjamin weighs now. Unofficially, he is weighing in at 15 pounds!! FIFTEEN!

Anyway...I have to go now and stuff my face because I'm starving. It takes a lot of food to keep my butt so fat.

Feeling better...

The temperature has been less oppressive these last two days which has helped me to not dehydrate entirely. Whoo hoo!
I've been more vigilant about watering myself, which has really improved my mood. No more cramps and headaches. Yay!

As a preview to my weigh-in tomorrow I will now tell you how lazy I was all week.

My only actual day of exercise was Monday. I Gazelled for a half hour while watching "Big Fish" on TV.
Tuesday no formal exercise at all, though I did clean and chase kids. I THINK this was the evening that we walked around in the yard at night, I had the baby wrapped to me. Though, all the days are seeming to run together. Ah, monotony.

Wednesday I went through the whole day thinking it was Tuesday, just FYI. I took all three kids to Wal-Mart, enough exercise for one day! Walking around Wal-Mart for an hour with the baby wrapped is pretty decent cardio.

Thursday was the day we went to the park and hung out with pals. After that I went to Basha's (a supermarket chain in Arizona) and shopped for about an hour with the baby wrapped. It was VERRRRRY hot on this day.

Friday was my insane cleaning morning, which was very taxing on my system as evidenced by my total physical collapse later on that day.

Saturday (yesterday) I tried to recover from Friday. No exercise, though again I cleaned and chased kids.

Today isn't over yet! We have decided to take the kids to the Ghost of the Coyote trail nearby and hike and picnic a bit. That should be fun (if it comes to pass). You know me and our planned activities...they never seem to happen!

If we don't go I'm definitely going to work out a bit tonight on the Gazelle. Just so I have something to write in my exercise book.

I still think I'll have lost weight this week because
A) my clothes are getting ever looser
B) I've really been watching my food intake
C) I was sick that one day
and D) I'm optimistic.

Here are some interesting facts I have learned about breastfeeding and weight loss.

*It takes about 250-500 calories a day to produce milk.
*In women with fat stores (most women!) up to 200 of those calories will come from burning up that fat. Neat!
*Nursing moms can safely lose about 1-2 pounds a week without diminishing milk supply.

Pass it on!

Christmas Blur

This last week has been a total blur of presents, wrapping paper and cookies...my GOD THE COOKIES!!!

My mom came into town Saturday with her dog Maggie. The dog is at least 15 years old, so she's slow and low. That is her tempo. She mostly sleeps all day, but my kids adore her shaggy self, so that was an early Christmas present for them!
Sunday we spent ALL day making cookies. Sugar cookies, coconut macaroons, gingerbread cookies, cream cheese cookies...and on and on...it was a Cookie Party! Without that Silverman chick.

Monday was even more cookies to make, and it being Christmas Eve, Bob took the kids to his dad's rural homestead in BFE nowheresville for a lovely Christmas Eve lunch and present opening. They ended up arriving back at home after 6 (well after darkness fell) so Mom and I enjoyed seven fun-filled hours of present wrapping, cookie making, dish cleaning and watching HGTV. Fun fun fun!!
My brother arrived Christmas Eve around 10 pm. The boy runs on his own clock, what can I say. His big adventure was clipping an elk's antler on the way up from Phoenix. In his ex-girlfriend's car! Good times!
Soon after he arrived, everyone went to sleep dreaming of sugar plums and Santa and wrapping paper and cookies...dear Lord! The COOKIES!!

Christmas Day we opened a slew of presents. The most puzzling of which was an Easy-Bake Oven for Elizabeth (she's not yet 4, the E-B O is for age 8+) from my FIL and his wife. Strange. Can I closet it for four years without incident. Perhaps.

I put a turkey in the oven and we awaited the remainder of our company (my BIL and his wife and child). Nice and low-key. While the turkey roasted, Dylan took a nap and Bob and my brother went up to the ski resort to snowboard. Bob used to be an instructor, Greg had never been before. It was about 10 degrees up there. Needless to say, they weren't gone long and it's about an hour drive to get there.
They claimed to have had fun, but we'll never really know!

Everyone else arrived around 3 pm. We opened another round of presents and watched holiday shows while we snacked on hors d'oeuvres (that's OR DERVES).
Then we broke for the evening around 7 pm. My brother left to go back to Phoenix around 6, just after the turkey feast-o-rama.

Since then it has just been hanging out at home, playing with the new toys and going to the grocery store. We're chilling.
There is football to be watched today (damn Patriots!) and a Prime Rib to be made for New Years Eve. Last night we had a big ol brown sugar glazed ham. I think I've gained three pounds in two weeks. Ugh.
At least I can blame it on the blossoming child.
This week is even more fun in store with Dylan's second birthday on Wednesday and my ultrasound appointment on Thursday.

I've just been handed a poopy diapered child, so I guess that's all the update you get for now.
Peace out. Peace on Earth.

Maybe my bathroom is on the moon?

This is slightly disturbing, but not without reason.
Of course I'm knocked up and pregnant, just like Christina and J.Lo. Though I didn't try to fake you guys out, I just fessed up. So you already knew that.
What you may NOT know is that I get bad morning sickness. Real bad.
With Dylan I was so sick I lost weight before I started getting fat with fetus. He actually made me puke. It was great!
When I was pregnant with Elizabeth I had such weird morning (noon and night) sickness that I had to stop using my lotion because the smell of it made me hurl. I still can't even LOOK at that brand of lotion without getting queasy.

With NuBabee <= The official fetal nickname, I have wonderful all-day nausea but no pukeage, which is both awesome and horrible.
It's a total struggle to eat everyday. Most regular food items make me want to puke.
Yesterday I got so starving that I started to shake and get sort of dizzy. I force fed myself a turkey sandwich and got halfway through before the nastiness of processed cheese food made me want to die.
Still, half a sandwich is a victory.
Later on I ate a whole PB&J without problem.
I've learned that in this horrendous state it's best to just eat whatever isn't going to make me want to hurl. Last night dinner was chips and salsa. For breakfast today I made fresh baked bread and ate about 1/3 of it with butter. I made the kids hard-boiled eggs, and briefly considered cracking one for myself, but that bread in my belly flipped over at the thought of it. I put the egg back.
I'm now psyching myself up for a bag of Cheetos, which should be no problem since it's not really food but rather delicious orange cheeze powdered chemical puffs. Yum.
Oh, back to the moon bathroom...
When I found out I was pregnant, I weighed myself, just for a point of reference. You know, how fat am I gonna get??
I weighed myself yesterday, middle of the day, after eating something.
Four pounds less. Less.
LESS.
Sigh.
Oh, I can't poop either.
There's your TMI moment of the day!

Head injuries, birthdays and homemade salsa

The morning of my birthday eve, Dylan smashed his head into the door frame of Elizabeth's bedroom (we have not ruled out sabotage) and gave himself a wonderful goose-egg and bruise. Very attractive...
I soothed his pain with a piece of homemade zucchini bread made from zucchinis from our garden. Worked like a charm.

That night we BBQed some very excellent hamburgers from Wal-Mart in the backyard...oh wait...

Ok, let me define backyard before I go much further. Our "backyard" is actually a tiny little partially fenced off portion of our property that abuts the house on the away from the road side and contains a swingset and some toys and a bulb garden.
Make sense?
We also have a little wooden table out there and some plastic porch chairs and the kids Dora outdoor table and chair set. Oh, and my very tacky clothesline.
The ground, unfortunately, will not grow grass because of the abundance of trees(though we are going to experiment next spring with bird seed as grass seed) and used to be used as a parking area despite the pine trees in the way, so it's all gravelly with cinders.
OH and there's a giant ditch running through part of the area like the Colorado River through the Grand Canyon, a byproduct of living at the bottom of a giant hill...rain runoff...good times!

Now that you've got the whole picture...
We're out there BBQing and the kids are playing on their swings and with their dirt toys and all of a sudden BLAMMO!
Elizabeth whacked into Dylan's FACE with the glider swing sending him flying back about two feet.
He's laying there doing that "my mouth is open but I make no sound" cry and Bob runs over, scoops him up and immediately starts freaking out that Dylan needs to go to the hospital....he's an overreactor...just a bit.

I get Dylan and he just wants to snuggle and not show me his injuries, which I eventually did see...
A big scrape in his hairline, about the size of a flattened out novelty penny and another nice gash on his chin. He also has another bump on the BACK of his head, where he made contact with the cinders.
Nice.

He actually cried more during the cleaning portion of the injuries than the actual becoming injured portion of the injuries.
Tough kid.
Despite Bob's fears, he made it through with no concussion and no spurting arterial blood fountains. Though this time the pain did require something stronger than homemade bread. He got herbal Nerve Tonic to chill out a bit.

Last night for the official birthday meal we grilled steaks and had fried onions and mushrooms over those, with corn on the cob on the side. I fully intended to make a salad, but we had filled up before the meal on homemade (and homegrown) fried zucchini coins (like the ones at Carl's Jr but tastier). Also I had brie and bread while Bob went shopping for my birthday present - a new jewelry box!

After dinner, Bob and Elizabeth had Birthday Cake flavor ice cream and I indulged in a friggin delicious Mascarpone Cheesecake with berries on top...yummmmmmmmmmmy and some Pepperwood Pinot Noir.
Deeeelish!

This morning, somehow, I got nominated to make breakfast, so I made home-fried potatoes, sausage links and scrambled eggs.
Bob immediately complained that there was no salsa for his eggs, so I threw together homemade salsa with tomatoes and cilantro from our garden and store-bought onions.
So easy.
He ~claims~ that he still wants me to buy Pace Picante sauce...I think I can trick him if I can just get a Pace jar. :)

This post was ALL about food! I just ate, but I made myself hungry again!

I am soooo funny

Seriously. I'm a laugh riot.

Bob had the day off yesterday (independence for Independence Day!) We spent most of the day laying around, watching Rocky on TV, avoiding the heat!

After awhile Bob set up the kiddie pool and the kids strapped on their bathing suits and we went and hung out in the pool. It was COLD! I sit on a patio chair IN the pool, so I get the cooling effect without a)getting too wet and b)having to wear a **shudder** bathing suit!
Elizabeth must think that I am so clever and continental because she has taken to copying me and sitting in her miniature patio chair beside me...at least until her inborn need to cause mayhem rips through her body and she leaps off the chair and begins splashing me and any cat that has the misfortune to wander by and dousing her brother in cupfuls of cold water. This happens every time we go in the pool.
Then Dylan pooed in his swim diaper and had to go nudist for the rest of the adventure! We actually hosed off his butt, which was surprisingly fun! For us, not for him. Not a fan of the Redneck Bidet.
Pretty soon, getting everyone ice cold got super boring and Elizabeth ventured to the swing set (where she has just learned how to get on the swing by herself AND kick her feet to keep herself swinging. I'm almost completely obsolete!)
Dylan and I stayed in the pool, kickin' it.
He was chasing a big blue ball around when all of a sudden, BIG SPLASH!!! I looked and saw Dylan COMPLETELY UNDERWATER on his back. Total panic on his face. I snatched him out of the water immediately and we hugged for about 10 minutes. So much for not getting wet! Very very scary. But he was fine. He did not want to go back into the water after that though. At all.

Here's the part where I'm so funny....
Our renters were planning a big BBQ for the fourth (big in terms of amount of food, not people) with crab and steak and corn yum yum yum....
While we were waiting for this to all get kicked off, I turn to Bob and said: "We should have gotten Chinese food for dinner. For the Fourth of July."
Bob: "You are weird."
Me: "No way man. Sweet and sour pork was invented in America."
Bob: "Oh well THEN... You never make sense when you talk!"
Me: "What!! Yes I do! I'm making sense right now! And right NOW!"

This is when he just shook his head and left the room.
What?
Sweet and sour pork is gooooooood.